Re: ILIGITIMATE CHILDREN?
There are very few Dominican married men whom I know well that have not fathered kids with girlfriends AFTER their marriage. One man I know had a son when he was 26 with a 14 year-old girl. When he got married later on, he married another 14 year-old girl. When she married him, she knew about the son but she figured that what was before is before, what happens from the point of their marriage and then on would be what would matter to her. He gave her eight children. He had two with other women outside their marriage. He neither supported nor visited them. The son from his first liason was visited but not supported. When he was twelve, he asked to be adopted by his stepfather. He calls his stepfather Papa and his biological father by his first name. The son's mother eventually had 11 more children with the adopted father. The mothers are both the closest and dearest of friends. They love each other like sisters. One of the best babysitters that I ever had was the mother of 19 children. She told me that 13 were hers and the other 6 were from her husband's women in the street. She took the babies in because she is deeply religious and couldn't cast them out when her husband brought them home one by one. All of these kids know the truth about their father and adore her as their mother. I met Dominicans here who have kids in the street and their wives don't even know. My own estranged husband who won't help me pay for the divorce had a baby with his girlfriend. He lives with her and owes me child support. A relative of mine came from a father who had kids with five women. He had 25 kids. Nobody can support 25 kids unless they're rich. This guy was not. I know that not all Dominican men are the same, but, in general, I feel that there is not enough true respect for the status and value of women and children in the culture. Perhaps it was an attitude that was partly created and supported by the dictator Trujillo, who opressed his own people and, especially, women. When I see how many Dominican men disrespect their marriages and responsibilities towards their children I realize that this could not happen unless there were women in the street willing to comply. Women in these situations are worst enemies of other women. Whether they are driven to do this by poverty is a subject worthy of serious consideration. When women in the DR and similar countries get educations and job opportunities, they can maintain themselves using their brains and their work, and they can really think about whether or not they want to be mothers instead of cranking out a baby as a temporary meal ticket. How futile that is. The baby needs to eat too. As women make progress by taking their education seriously I think that there will be more positive financial changes and cultural changes and in the respect that they earn.
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