How would life be?

Hi, I'm an English girl and I'm thinking of moving out to Puerto Plata soon because I met a guy there who I am totally in love with. The only problem is I don't know what to expect. Would I be able to find work out there in a hotel or something? Would I be able to fit in as I am so white and would stick out like a soar thumb. How different would the lifestyle be to what I'm used to? Any comments would be appreciated. Thanks a lot Helena

Your life is going to be wonderful for the first three months...

I don't really know exactly what you are used to, but such a situation is bound to be very different.

It is always difficult for two different cultures to meet and live together. Sure, it can be a happy mixture (it is for me) but you will have to be very strong and be prepared for some serious problems along the way. They won't just be practical, they will cut right into your very identities.

Now, let's say that the two of you are so much in love that you simply must live together. How much are you prepared to give up for that? You will almost certainly be the one having to move there as it is next to impossible for Dominicans to travel to countries within the EU. I suppose you are a protestant. A catholic society is different. Being in danger of stereotyping here I would say that generally a woman is supposed to behave in a more modest way. This depends of course on what social level/town/upbringing etc. your boyfriend is from, and it is not a fixed thing. Today Dominican women can be very independent and pursue their own careers etc. but I think I am right in assuming they still have to work harder at it than women in most Northern European countries.

Another thing: Yes, you will stand out like a sore thumb, but if you are prepared to deal with it, you can live with it. For some years you will be a "gringa", and that will mean that you will be considered a little bit more ignorant than most people. As you will be, because you are not born and bred in the Dominican Republic with the almost unconscious knowledge of all the little subleties and rules in everyday life and behaviour. You will break these rules time and time again, without wanting to do so.

Do you speak Spanish? Otherwise, you will have to learn it fast. You can't live in a country where you can't talk to everyone, from the fruit guy around the corner to your mother-in-law. Also, you can't get much work if you don't speak Spanish. And even if you do, it will probably be quite difficult still. Unemployment is quite high.

What about your boyfriend? Is he ready to face the criticism he is going to get eventually, because you don't dress/cook/look/talk properly? Is he ready to be understanding when it comes to your social blunders? Will he defend you when you do a thing your way because it will go against the very grain of your soul to do it differently? Will he be able to face his mother when she asks why he didn't find himself a good Dominicana instead?

If the two of you are prepared to overcome all of this, then go for it. What you go through together will only make your relationship stronger. Best of luck whatevery you choose.

Regards,
Susanne

Dear Susanne, thank you very much for you response and the useful information. Do you live in the DR, are you married to a Dominican guy?

Thanks Helena

No, I live in Denmark, I am Danish and I am married to an English man. That may not sound as if we by culture should be very different, but there has been plenty of obstacles to overcome - just something as simple as how to behave before, during and after dinner! And my mother-in-law is worldclass - I love her dearly (after all, she raised the man I love), but especially in the beginning I could sometimes feel her wonder when I did something in a very Danish way.

And especially the first couple of years it was extremely difficult for both of us that I had to make most of the contacts, because I knew how everything worked, and he didn't.

All that has long ago ceased to be a problem. Now it is more a question of him wanting to see his family in England more often than it can be done. Or where should we spend Christmas this year with the children? England or Denmark? And the lights on the Christmas tree: Colour or just plain? I am Danish, so I find anything other than proper candles or in the worst case plain bulbs an offense. Yes, this CAN cause an argument;-)
All this is just petty little things that have become sort of charming and bearable, because after all the differences are part of what defines us and make life interesting.

As for the difference between catholic and protestant cultures: My knowledge is mainly based on a couple of girls I knew that married and Italian and a Spanish guy. One is divorced today because of the cultural gap, the other couple is still happily married, ten years now I think.

Regards,
Susanne

Hi ya Susanne

Thanks for replying. Your English is excellent by the way. It is really interesting to see cultural differences. I went out with an Italian guy for five years. I spent a lot of time in Sardinia with his family. They didn't accept me at all. They tried to get him to go out with Italian women instead. They were very racist. Unfortunately the relationship broke up earlier this year when I was in Spain. It wasn't due to his family but him. He told me he had never loved me and had actually found an Italian girl. It upset me a lot but I got over it by meeting this DOminican guy. I guess it is a bit stupid we only knew each other for a few days but I felt so much for him, more than I had felt for the Italian guy I went out with. I just hope we can see each other again, as the DOminican Republic is so far away.

Anyway, where is your English guy from? Habe you worked out your cultural differences? The one thing I must say about English men is that they never let you down and are always faithful.

Take care Helena

Susanne wrote very well about general issues in intercultural relationships. You just met this guy and have not really developed a real relationship. It is more that you are moving on your emotions, and emotions never stay the same. Rather than rush into moving right in, do you think it would be more wise to just visit again? How about relationships withing your own culture? with men who have more in common from the beginning?

life would be good

enjoy!

You won't stick out as a sore thumb. There are many foreigners living in the Puerto Plata area. As far as moving for a guy, and especially a dominican guy, watch out for his motives. Make sure he works for the duration of time you spend there. At first, yeh they work, but then all of a sudden they can't seem to find work. But that's ok because by then your so in love and have come so far, you start to support him. Watch out for ex wives or ex girlfriends with children. Do they really ever break it off?

I live in the DR in Cabarete and I've met people from all over. The native guys and girls are tricky. For example I know 1 couple, both dominican, they're dating, but the girl is married to a guy from London and the guy has a girlfriend in France. Another girl I met, she was from Englan and was dating a Dominican. She moved out to DR for him. Well he had a wife in Canada, that didn't know about this girl and that fact that he wanted to divorce his wife. One last girl, from Canada came on vacation met a guy, fell in love ended up staying 4 years to end it.

If your looking to have fun then do it. But if you plan to have a life with a future, marriage and kids think twice. Then again, not all men are the same, I hope yours is different for your hearts sake. But like I said, I've seen and heard it happen too to many innocent men and women.

Thanks for your reply. I know what you are saying about Dominicans. I am starting to think about whether he has got other girlfriends and even a wife as he has been so illusive about everthing he has told me. Infact I know very little. I have decided not to jump in the fire but wait untill I know him better before going out there. He phones me quite a lot and appears to be sincere but I don't want to do anything stupid. How long have you been living in the DR, did you find it easy to get a job?

Take care Helena