Presidente: The 1 million Dollars question
Let’s talk about a subject far more important to Dominicans than the “Haitian Problem”, environment or politics: Presidente Beer. Many times I’ve read that the Beer sold in USA is different from the beer sold in DR, I, not being a connoisseur myself, decided to find out about the “mystery of the missing taste”. A source within The Corporation told me the secrets of making Presidente, well, not really, but I learnt what makes the beer from DR and US different: Nothing. It is exactly the same beer.
Surprised? Never mind, the Presidente people already heard complaints of the different taste and they have done their own research. Their theory is that people do believe that it tastes different, and you know what the power of self-suggestion can do to you. It is a powerful thing, it cannot make you fly as I learnt when I tried to fly off the roof of my house, but it can make you believe that the beer in DR is better.
According to my source, all the beer is brewed in the same tanks regardless of the final destination. When the production department gets an order to produce beer for export they just stop a line to switch the bottles. They call the bottles for export “single use bottles” as they will not return to be reused; the local bottles are not “profitable” until they are used at least 4 times. The label is different too. The label used in Puerto Rico is also different from the ones used in Florida, New Jersey and New York for legal reasons. The “neck label” may be different depending on whether the taxes have been paid in advance or not.
The beer may be affected by conditions of light, temperature, movement and time in stock. Apparently the beer for export should be consumed within the same time as the beer for the local market, but in average the thirsty Dominicans drink their beer within two days from production, the beer consumed in the US takes at least 5 days to get to the market. That may add a slight difference to the taste, but not significant. According to surveys made by Presidente there is nothing in the handling process that can affect the beer in such way as to make the taste different. Draw your own conclusions.
My theory: The Phillip Morris people, partners of Presidente have a plan for world domination. Dominican Republic is their guinea pig, first they make us all addicts to Presidente and then they take their act to the US. The problem is that Presidente don’t seem to have the same effect in absence of Bachata and extremely high temperature. I guess it’s all back to the drawing board. There isn’t much sense in just dominating a half island in the middle of the Caribbean.
My source’s name I withheld by her own request for fear of retaliation from The Corporation. Many people have gone to sleep with the fish for revealing this kind of things; Presidente is a ruthless and scary organization. I may be putting my life in jeopardy for this; I just can’t help being heroic.
Have anyone seen my Prozac?
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