Ayuda Sentimental

My friends...it has been a while since my participation in this board, but I periodically browse through it when I have time. Here is my complicated problem, and I need your advice to eventually make the right decision...I have been married 13 years to the same lady, and I have a beautiful daughter. My job brings me to the Dominican Republic often, and almost two years ago I meet this beatiful university student in San Pedro de Macoris. Everything started as a friendship but eventually (6 months later, three trips after meeting her) evrything change after I kissed her (nothing else happenned). A month later I returned (after thinking everyday about her) and things really changed because we did everyhting else we didn't the last time (we were intimate). Bottom line...I believe I'm in love with her! She makes me laugh, smile happy...everything...things that I never experienced with my wife of 13 years. What do I do? Do I do as society dictates and stay until death due me apart from a woman I can say I only respect and share love for our daughter, or should I do as my heart, body and soul tell me to do?...with my new love! I have been living in this emotional inferno for almost a year now, and I have not taken any drastic decision because I feel so bad about my daughter, that loves me so much (although I dont think that would change with either decision). Please HELP! Thanks in advance!
Michael

If you expect a serious well thought of response to your question I suggest you take it elsewhere. Professional help or consulting a good friend are always good ideas. Sentimental help is not the purpose of this board and you are exposing yourself to the jokes and/moral judgement of many people. Good luck anyways.

try this link they are very receptive to these issues http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/latin/

To an average dominican man, this wouldn't seem like a problem at all. You have committed the ultimate sin already now just keep going until you find another lovely girl. then you can divide your love wbetween the 2. this way you won't miss the first girlfriend so much that you couldn't live without.
be the ultimate pig and enjoy DR to the fullest.
Don't take me too seriously. i am just joking.
You really have a problem.
good luck.

I suggest you find out if this girl really loves you or if she's just with you for the good times, you don't want to leave your family and make a decision you will later regret. Just follow your heart, but listen to your brain (forget about your head, men only use one when it comes to these things!!!). Don't make any promises too soon but do a little research on the girl, family, background, etc., sometimes that might give you an idea what she's really looking for.

Good luck!!!

Do you really love this Dominican girl or is it just lust, because you want her and can't really have her right now. Sure things are fine and dandy when you go and see her, but things could change when you two really get together. I think that you should do some checking on this girl to find out if she is legite, and then maybe spend some time away from her to see if you really do miss her. You shouldn't have to stay in a marriage that is making you unhappy. I think you should find out the cause of the unhappiness in your marriage, and see if it is worth fixing, and if not, go for the girl. Staying for someone for the sake of the child, is not really healthy for the child either. You can also have joint custody. If you do divorce, let your child know that it is not because of her and make sure she knows that you love, and spend as much time with her as possible so everything will be normal to her. Do what your hearth tells you, but make sure that it is what you really want.

I think PIBs advice as always is healthy. However, I will give you my thoughts on the subject, take them for what they are: Unprofessional opinions from a stranger.

There is NO easy way out of this situation. Neither do I think that your new Dominican love is the problem or even what is at stake here. If you have never experienced anything of the kind with your wife and don't love her, then THAT is the problem. If it hadn't been a Dominican girl making you realize that, somebody else would have, sooner or later.

To stay with your wife out of respect (and convenience), with no love in the marriage and only to be with your daughter is pure selfishness on your part. You probably see it differently but that is my opinion. Your wife must feel that your emotions are not what she longs for but she will go on hoping, trying to neglect what she knows, as long as you stay. By leaving you will give her the freedom to pursue her own way without being your emotional hostage (she will probably NOT see it as such to begin with, and don't you dare use it as an argument to help YOU feel better. "It is for your own good", yuck...)!

I assume you live in a place where she wouldn't be totally helpless, morally or economically, without you. If that is the case the situation is different and then I wouldn't know what advice to give you as I have no experience of living in such a society.

As for your child: This is the hardest thing at all. Don't give up your child. She will forever wonder why you didn't love her enough to be her father. So you will have to find a way to make certain you can keep in contact. Joint custody will be difficult if not impossible if you live in different countries.

If the mother turns very bitter (I would, at least to begin with), keeping in contact could cause difficulties. But you two should really consider your daughter more than yourselves. Easily said, but in real life awfully difficult. However, I don't think that growing up in a family where the mother and father share no love is particularly wholesome.

If daughter and wife are economically dependent on you, you had damn well better do the decent thing and make certain they will have money enough.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on a tremendously difficult subject. Good luck to you and the rest of your family, especially your daughter.

Regards,
Susanne

Dear Michael,

Your situation seems very hard. Nevertheless, I understand that when you married your wife there was love and passion, as well as hopes for a happy life. What ever happens to such feelings and hopes after a certain period of time? Life is not fair. Home life becames a routine, sometimes boring and sometimes frustrating. Everytime we have a desagreement it looks like we the world turns upside down. Believe me, you are not alone. At this moment I'm sure there are millions of homes suffering the uncertainty of the heart or the brain; reason why there are so may families distroyed and so many children suffering in this unfair and unhappy world. The same thing that is happening to you now, will happen again tomorrow (when this feelings wear out), then you will reconsider and think if leaving your family for to accept the unknown was the right thing to do. Then you might reconsider finding your way back to the woman who knows you the best and who gave you the best years of her life and she might then be married to someone else, or simply not willing to forgive you for changing her for someone else. Then you will have a problem.
I say all of this, because I have seen this situation happen before to many people close to me and it's not pleasant.

Best of lucks.

For the moment you live maybe in sevent haeven,
but if you would be always with your young student
this relationship will have sooner or later the
same tast, when not worser because of the diferenc
of age and culture. It is flattering to be loved
by somebody young and restless, but is it realy
love from her side? Give yourself enough time to
think about the situation, maybe it's only a
midlifecrises and this will past. Think the higher
they climb the harder they fall and it is hard
to loos everything. Take care Gini