Men on pause
HORMONE HOSTAGE
Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when
all a man has to do is open his mouth, and he takes his life in his
hands.
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in
the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or male child.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Why are you so worked up?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
Top 9 Things PMS Stands For:
1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Pack My Stuff
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid Section
5 People Make Me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Plainly; Men Suck
10 Please; More Salt
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this
house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the
bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before
they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be
able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME
CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God,
actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the
STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT
WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN, CAUSE NO
ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE TRASH!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!
I'm sorry. What did you ask me?
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