Dog Letters To God:
Dear God: How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God: Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride. I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?
Dear God: If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Can you undo what that doctor did?
CAT LETTER TO GOD:
Dear God: Do you exist? I'm just curious. I don't care.
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HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So,the *real* question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
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