A Little Female Humor

[MaryS]

Men are like ........ Laxatives .........They irritate the **** out of you.

Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like ........ Vacations ......They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like ........ Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like ........ Blenders ...... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ......... Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like ........ Coffee ......... The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like ........ Commercials ......... You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like ........ Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always half off.

Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooo long to mature.

Men are like ........ Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like ........ Popcorn ......... They satisfy you but only for little while.

Men are like ........ Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like ............ Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at but not very bright.

Men are like ........ Parking Spots ...... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

[Chopical]

Didn't someone already post this?

[beachcomber]

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint
>Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.
>
>She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and
>all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her
>and began calling greetings to her "Hello, How are you ! We've been waiting
>for you ! Good to see you."
>
>When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
>place ! How do I get in ?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told
>her.
>
>"Which word?" the woman asked.
>
>"Love."
>
>The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
>
>About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the
>Gates of Heaven for him that day since he was very busy with other matters.
>
>While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm
>surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been ?"
>
>"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I
>married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
>And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I
>lived in and bought a huge mansion. And, my wife and I travelled all around
>the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I
>fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer. How do I get in ?"
>
>"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
>
>"Which word ?" her husband asked.
>
>"Sesquipedalian."
>
>Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry ... there'll be Hell to pay
>later.