for the ricans out there(&all the latinos)

[mami]

AAhhh! To be Puerto Rican

1. Puerto Rican women know how to make rice & beans from scratch in less

than fifteen minutes.

New-yorican women know how to reheat their mother's pot of rice & beans
in 5
minutes flat

2. Puerto Rican women can accomplish two things with one throw of their
chancleta (sandals): Smack the grin off their child's face and kill
the roach climbing out of the kitchen sink.

New-yorican women can accomplish three things with one throw of their
chancleta: Smack the grin off their child's face, kill the roach
climbing
out of the kitchen sink, and pop their man's mouth for whistling at the
girls across the street and finish it all by saying "I saw that..."
This proves my theory that the chancleta skill improves with every
generation.

3. Puerto Rican women have a trunk filled with costume jewelry and a
small
jewelry box that contains their "real" jewelry.

New-yorican women have five hoops in various sizes including one that
has
their name on it, a double heart ring, at least two name plates, one
broken
ankle bracelet with a heart and their initials, half of a best friend
charm,
an initial ring, and a name ring for each of their nicknames.

4. Puerto Rican women differentiate friends with the same name by
indicating
who they belong to i.e.: ju know ...Maria la de Jose, Maria la
de Tony, Maria la de Marcos.

New-yorican women differentiate friends with the same name by indicating
a
significant body part: ya know Maria with the big butt, Maria with no
tetas,
Maria with the messed up nose, etc...

5. When Puerto Rican women want to visit family, they fly to Puerto Rico

When New-yorican women want to visit family they cross the street.

6. Puerto Rican women do their own hair.

New-yorican women go to the Dominican salon down the block.

7. Puerto Rican women call two men Papi: their husband and their father.

New-yorican women have several Papi`s: Papi Lindo,Papi Chulo, Papi Rico,

8. Puerto Rican women's "inner circle" consists of their cousins,
sister-in-laws, god sisters, and cousin-in-laws, and at least two
neighbors.

New-yorican women's "inner circle" looks more like a Latin United Nation

consisting of two Dominicana's, a Colombiana, an Ecuatoriana, a Cubana,
and
the Morena who`s dating her brother.

You know your Boricua when....

* You call all cereal "Con-Flay"

* You store clean pans inside the oven

* You store used oil for later use "Why let good oil go to waste"?

* You always say "Bendicion" to your parents, grandparents, aunts or
uncles
when you see them AND when you leave

* You call any sneakers "Tenis"

* You can`t leave a party without taking a plate of food with you

* Your mother swears that Vicks Vaporub is the cure for everything

* You go out to the corner store in "chanclas"

* La "correa" or "la chancleta" were used to whip you

* You have at least one cousin in jail

* You start clapping as soon as your airplane flight lands

* Your family plays "musica jibara" and go on "parrandas" on Christmas

* Your mother has big wooden spoons hanging on her kitchen wall

* Your mother or grandmother has a ceramic elephant on the living room
table

* You scream when you talk and the person is standing right next to you

* You cut words short, like pa` instead of para, estoy esmaya instead of

tengo hambre, estoy halta instead of estoy llena, etc

* Your relatives take photos and videos at a funeral/wake

* Your grandma`s couch is covered in plastic even though it`s older than
you

* Your grandma makes you put on slippers because ! walking around
barefooted
will make you get sick

* You found out about a Saturday party on Wednesday

* You blast the music at 8am to clean the house on a Saturday

* Your Mom has two sets of dishes and bed sheets: One for everyday use
and
the other for "cuando llege visita"

* Your mother keeps the rice in a big green soda-cracker can and instead
of
a scoop inside it's a tea cup with a broken handle

* Your favorite dish is pegao