Eurolanguage
The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part
of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phases plan for
what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard
"c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by
"z" and "w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze uneserary "O" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of
letters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, v evil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
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