C eh N eh D eh

trina · #1 03-31-2005, 12:07 PM

C eh N eh D eh (CANADA)

Now that Vancouver has won the opportunity to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking.

Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website! (Frightening, isn't it?)

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto--can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one on the other hand why not ask the first blonde Italian/Canadian woman you meet.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton & Halifax? (UK)
A: Of what did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North--oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger- man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir perform every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. But remember you must come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: What for, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere a significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Could that be on Thanksgiving Day?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a moose. They are tall and very violent and eat the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with the essence of human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Chirimoya · #2 03-31-2005, 12:26 PM

Best bits, IMO:

Quote:

Originally Posted by trina

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

I see they've got ricktoronto answering questions on that site too.

Shouldn't be too hard to come up with our very own version for DR1.

MommC · #3 03-31-2005, 12:44 PM

I'd like to have a look at that site (and maybe answer a few questions too!)

trina · #4 03-31-2005, 01:45 PM

I'd love to see the site, too, but I'd imagine it's just a made-up e-mail joke, like most are! But funny...

solituna · #5 03-31-2005, 02:49 PM

Yes, please send the URL....

Co-ño! Di-a-blo!

Pib · #6 03-31-2005, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chirimoya

Shouldn't be too hard to come up with our very own version for DR1.

Oh, I did it once, only that there were few contributions afterwards.

True Facts About Dominican Rep. I Made Up Myself
(Or How To Explain Some Things To Dumb Foreigners)

Lesley D · #7 03-31-2005, 09:12 PM

Trina,

I will refrain from commenting. If these questions were true these people have no clue how ridiculous they sound. Especially our neighbors to the south. No excuses. Where do they come up with these questions?

LDG

rellosk · #8 03-31-2005, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pib

Oh, I did it once, only that there were few contributions afterwards.

True Facts About Dominican Rep. I Made Up Myself
(Or How To Explain Some Things To Dumb Foreigners)

That's a great posting. You should take it out of the archives and re-post it in The Clown Bin.

Victor Laszlo · #9 04-01-2005, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lesley D

Trina,

I will refrain from commenting. If these questions were true these people have no clue how ridiculous they sound. Especially our neighbors to the south. No excuses. Where do they come up with these questions?

LDG

actually, I asked the one about hippo racing, but I may have gotten them confused with the big horses with horns. Hippos do have horns, don't they, or is that rhinos? Hey, are there any rhino races? That would really be cool!

trina · #10 04-01-2005, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pib

Oh, I did it once, only that there were few contributions afterwards.

True Facts About Dominican Rep. I Made Up Myself
(Or How To Explain Some Things To Dumb Foreigners)

Pib, you truly are the greatest...very, very funny!