lawyers

[paddy]

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A: Just say, "Fees!"

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

[rellosk]

Since you mentioned lawyers...

A lawyer is getting out of his BMW. When he opens the door,
another car goes speeding by and rips the door right off his
precious BMW. The police arrive shortly thereafter and find
the man whining and complaining about the damage to his BMW.
"Look What he did to my BMW. It'll never be the same," he whined.

The cop looked at the lawyer and shouted, "You lawyers are so
materialistic. You're whining about the damage to your BMW and
you haven't even noticed that your left arm is completely ripped
off!"

The lawyer looked down at his bloody shoulder and shouted, " Oh my
god, oh my god, where's my Rolex?"

[HOWMAR]

Q: What's the differece between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Even a prostitute won't do some things for money.