Canada declares war on the US
President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to
invade next, when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up
'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am
callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, eh!"
"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moment's calculation "there is myself,
me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbour Mick, and the whole dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?", George asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."
President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lard thunderin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is
still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up and modified
Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"
George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you
Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry
to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long
chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can
> feed two million prisoners."
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