you know you're getting on in age..
If you're female
Your nicest anticipation is stretching out on the bed - alone
Your grandchildren ring to see if you can baby-sit their mother.
Appealing brochures describe 'de-luxe walking frames'
You want to ask your husband something, but can't remember where you left him.
There's more excitement to be had watching clouds go by than watching television.
He still needs you. You can hear him calling from the bathroom.
You wish the old bag that delivers the meals on wheels would stop making eyes at the old fool.
A mobile phone is able to get around better than you can.
The highlight of your year is the social worker telling you you're beautiful.
You know the best invention was colour-coded pills.
If you are male
Everything gets stiff except the bits that should
The nicest anticipation is stretching out on the bed - alone
All food is tough - except coffee
Your grandchildren ring to see if you'll talk to mummy.
Your best dance is done outside the bathroom door
You still love walking, especially being brought back home by the police.
You plan vacations by looking at the photos from previous trips
If young women smile at you, you know you've forgotten to wipe the toothpaste off your mouth, or button your shirt, or put on your cardigan the right way round, or…
You still love talking. Even telephone calls from India are fun.
She still loves playing games. You know she's hiding somewhere.
The young woman that delivers the meals on wheels is real pretty.
The highlight of your year is the doctor saying he does not need to see you for two months
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