letter from italian tourist
To: The Manager of Y.M.C.A.
Hotel Manhattan
Roma 28 September 1987
Dear Signore Direttore,
Now I am tella you a story wot I was a-treated at your hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no **** in my bed - how can I sleep with no **** in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella.
-"I wanta ****."
They tella me: -"Go to toilet."
I say: -"No, no I wanta **** in my bed."
They say: -"You'd better not **** in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch."
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two ****is of toast. I gotta only one **** of toast. I tella waitress and point at toast:
-"I wanta ****."
She tella me: -"Go to toilet."
I say: -"No, I wanta **** on my plate."
She then say to me: -"You'd bloody wella not **** on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch."
That is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna-wa-bitch", and why is your staff replying "go to toilet"? Is that a modern tella? I do not understand, please tella me!
Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress.
-"I wanta fock."
And she tella me: -"Sure, everyone wanta fock."
I tella her: -"No, you don't understand me, I wanta fock on the table."
She tella me: -"So you sonna-wa-bitch want a fock on the table? Get your ass out of here!"
How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bed manner?
So I go to rezeptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: -"Thank you, and **** on you."-
I say: -"**** on you too you sonna-wa-bitch, I now go back to Italy."-
Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch."-
Sincerely
Dicci Elgré
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