Adjusting to your new country.

[sangria]

Well, my husband has just passed the 6 month mark in Canada.

Adjusting to a new country can be really difficult. I'm not sure where it comes from but there is apparantly some statistics that say the first 3 months are most difficult and that things get easier from there.

For us this was true. The biggest adjustments were not made by my husband....they were made by me.

Sometimes I would forget to tell him something or expect him to know something he didn't. He would remind me that I am not living alone anymore and that I needed to communicate more. From my perspective, it was little things that I didn't think even mattered to anyone but from his perspective he felt left out. Examples were making a date to go out with friends or couples without checking his schedule, forgetting to say my parents or grandparents called because he wanted to talk to them too, paying bills without showing him...grocery shopping was the big one....he wanted to go to see the price and learn about the foods....I thought I was saving time to go when he was at work.

My husband had a job a few days after he arrived and within a couple weeks he was working 2 jobs. He learned to take the bus to and from work and that gave him lots of independence which I believe is very important. I showed him once how to use the bus and then he was fine after that.

My husband was very lucky to have some friends living close by and a well established small Dominican group of friends here to support him. He played dominoes once a week or so and also played softball as well.

I can't stress enough how important it is to find things for your spouse to do and to introduce them to new people. They need your help in the beginning and it is amazing how quickly they will feel at home in a new place.

Since he arrived, we have left Kitchener to move closer to my family and he has started a new much better paying job. His english was always good but his grammar is improving daily.

We try to see and do new things as often as possible to give my husband a better understanding of our culture and to broaden his life experiences. He has learned about beekeeping and sailing from my dad and will start curling soon too....how canadian!!!!

One thing that does keep popping up on this thread is the discussion of money. My husband understood about taxes before he arrived which helped, but understanding our cost of living and how fast your salary can go to bills, mortgages, daily expenses etc. is a difficult thing to adjust to. I tend to pay the bills online and that is another thing he wants to participate in. He always thinks we have or should have more money than we do and I know its going to take a little longer to wrap his head around all the things that you pay in a month and that you need to pay them all on time.

For those who are reading this and about to start the same journey....have patience with your spouse because it isn't easy for them. They have to want to adjust to a new life, new country, new culture and new language. For some that is easy and others more difficult.

We made it through the tough part...adjusting to each other in a new place and finding a routine that worked for us. Once you have that then things seem to fall into place.

Overall he is adjusting well, he has a new love of touques, bud light and hamburgers...he misses home some days and has taken on the role of being a responsible husband and father very well.

This February will be 5 years together....the time apart and the immigration process have all been worth it because we are together, we are happy and we are a family.

Sangria

[Sunflower333]

Thank you all for posting these stories! They are very encouaging and I'm sure good things for me to remember when my guy gets here.

Lexi, you guys sure seem to have a good sense of humor and I have to laugh outloud to myself when I read your stories.

[Princesa777]

We have been living 1,5 year in Europe now. It has been a big adjustment for us both, so many changes. I lived in the DR with him for a couple of years and we had a relaxed, but basic and happy life there. Everything changed with THE MOVE. Hehehe, not that we're not happy anymore, just everything else changed

I heard people say the first 3 months are the hardest, I disagree. The first 3 months were the hardest on our relationship (as in most fights due to stress and uncertainty). But this is also the time where everything is still new and most stuff is fun. When this rollercoaster ride finishes, reality sets in, winter is starting and its getting darker and darker...

Winter is for us the most difficult time, I think it always will be. Its not because of the temperature, he doesnt mind cold weather and/or snow. What does bother him is that its so dark most of the time and everybody stays inside. Thats his biggest issue, my biggest issue is money. He is not a big spender and doesnt waste money at all, but still he underestimates the costs of living here and for example the price of going on vacation.

It took some fights and arguments for him to understand we cant 'just' go for a week to Greece and a week or 2 Spain and a week skiing AND go to the DR twice a year.

We're getting there though and honestly he's really being great. He found a job almost immediately after getting his working permit and right now he's studying 20 hours a week + working a full time job.

He is just starting to hang out with some Dominicans, which both of us thought was important NOT to do in the beginning. First he had to find his own way, before getting influenced by other Dominicans. There are not a lot of Dominicans here, but the ones that are dont have a good reputation...

All considered I think we are doing a good job. It feels good to finally build a future together and moving forward as opposed to living in the DR was just living day by day.

In a couple of years we do plan to move to another country though, one that we both feel good living in and not just because the other person is living there...

[Johana]

My husband has been in Canada for 13 months. He likes the spring and fall weather - he doesn't like being in the hot sun (not that we had much in Toronto this summer). When he talks to people back home he always talks about how cold it is but he handles it better than me lol. It probably helps we live in a condo so he hasn't had to experience snow shovelling yet lol.
He likes being here and has many dominican friends so I think that helped with the adjustment. But the one thing he has not become accustomed to is not being able to walk out of the building and being able to hang out with his friends.
Despite the recent economy problems he's be able to find work. He likes that when he works overtime he gets paid extra money and likes to complain about how much in taxes are deducted from each pay.
Now when he asks me how much something might cost he always adds plus taxes right? As much as I explained the cost of living here before he arrived it's one thing to hear it and another to live it. We haven't had money issues. When he has been working he gives me a portion of what he makes relative to how much he is making. He likes to joke and give me a hard time but he has no problem sharing the responsibilities.

We are going back to Puerto Plata for the first time since he arrived next month. I can't believe how much stuff he feels he needs to bring for people. I think it's too much but do understand his need to do this. As long as it comes out of his spending money I don't say anything. I do try to gently remind him he has a wife and daughter here that need things too I just hope it's not like this every time and that for subsequent trips he will limit bringing things to his parents and nephew. Good thing we are flying WestJet with extra baggage allowance lol.