Becoming a padrino

Benitez · #1 10-25-2009, 06:03 PM

Years ago I stayed in Boca Chica/San Pedro and ended up with several Dominican friends. One of those is a now 17 year old girl who just gave birth to her first kid. Her family is poor by any standard. We were buddies and now wants me to be the padrino of her son when I get down there in April.

In Dominican culture, what does it mean to be a padrino? What are the duties a padrino might reasonably expect? And unreasonably expect? How can one politely decline?

It's an honour and it's bloody cool to be asked but I'm reluctant to accept.
The family is poor and will always be needing a hand. Especially if one should consider the kid's nutrition, education etc. Also, I don't know the father of the kid and his family. I don't want a moral or legal responsability to get milked.

I don't want the father and his family not try as hard because they believe there's a rich ( in reality broke ) gringo around, or spend the money on baseball caps and presidentes because the gringo can provide.

Am I harsh?

I'm not a family guy and though you can kick a your own kid out when he's misbehaving or old enough.. As a padrino you might get stuck with the little bugger for life?

Others haven't asked me to fulfill those duties for reasons that should be obvious by now so I'm a bit unsure how to respond.

bob saunders · #2 10-25-2009, 06:24 PM

The role as I understand it, is you sponsor or pay for the baptism ceremony, are responsible for the child's care if they become orphaned, and you are NOT responsible for providing care for his/her family. I have 2 godchildren, one- a nephew here in Canada and A 11 year old girl in Jarabacoa. I bring clothing/shoes to Leslie, encourage her with her schooling, sports...etc, but she has two caring parents that are doing a good job of raising her. Perhaps others have a different experience and more knowledge than me.

El Tigre - HIC · #3 10-25-2009, 06:41 PM

if you would ask me i would say : a padrino (little father) is like a "parent in case", if the childs parents die, then you`ll be there for the kid, thats how i understand it,
of course there will be birthdaypresents expected but thats it, no payments every month

but anyway, you shouldnt ask me, ask the mother, what she think a padrino has to be and why she want you to be the padrino

AlterEgo · #4 10-25-2009, 07:47 PM

I've many godchildren, but only two are Dominican. In my family we choose close family members [beginning usually with the maid of honor & best man from the wedding, then brothers, sisters, etc.]. In my husband's family - and from what I've seen this is normal in DR - they choose someone 'well-off' in their eyes. Often it's not even a relative, and frequently it's not someone the parent's age, but someone much older. Here in the USA it entails birthday and Christmas gifts, and the promise that the child will be raised properly in the religion [Catholic in my case]. There it entails that and more. If the child needs money for school books they may ask you, for example. More is expected financially if the family needs something for the child. You are considered a very important person to the child [here you're just another gift usually]. It is an honor to be asked, and the family will be very proud if you accept. Very hard to decline politely........as I think the family will feel they have lost 'face' if you say no. If you don't want to do it, try to think up a very good excuse that allows the family to not feel slighted!

Benitez · #5 10-25-2009, 08:00 PM

Hiya and thanks for helpful feedback.

I might be overthinking it a bit but I still want to understand what it means in a Dominican context. The mother will do a great job within her limited means but I don't know the father.

Like here it is like "a second father" as the mother said. Starting by assisting during the baptism cermony. That I can do, as well as the normal gifts one would naturally give. Making sure the kid becomes a Liverpool supporter is also a task I will eagerly engage in regardless.

Does one sign legally binding documents? For example, to be responsible for the kid if it gets orphaned? In theory one has that responsability in my country too, but in reality it's left to the government and close family if something happens. Knowing the mortality rate in my friend's family it is a real concern.

As an honour I'm charmed by the offer, but in reality I will struggle to fulfill any responsabilities as I no longer have the opportunity to return to the DR more than once every 5 to 10 years..

And that's a good decade.

dv8 · #6 10-25-2009, 08:12 PM

miesposo is a padrino of his best friend's kid. it is basically a religious term so no worries about being stuck with little brat for life should parents die - legally it is a duty of next of kin (who you are not) or government (orphanage).
padrino does not pay for babtismo either but he provides drinks for a party (madrina pays for a cake). then you fork out for a gift for each birthday and something more flashy for the first communion (for roman catholics).
all "responsibilities" are purely, say, a promise. i have a god child myself and i expressed no interest in it whatsoever since babtismo (why did i even say yes is a mystery to me).
if you want to politely refuse say that you are muslim/jew/buddhist and it is against your principles.

AlterEgo · #7 10-25-2009, 08:15 PM

The examples I gave you ARE Dominicans - I've been married to one for 33 years. We also baptized a Dominican girl here, she lives in Philly and is 17 now.

If they are Catholic, you will be named as godparent at the church. Nothing legal or civil. Your responsibility is supposed to be spiritual, except as I explained above don't be surprised if they ask you for $$ help with some things over the years. We were never asked for anything outrageous.

cuas · #8 10-26-2009, 05:20 PM

You can decline if you want. You can tell her that you will not come in 5 years and that she can choose another padrino but you will buy whatever a padrino needs to buy, because I think padrino pays for the drink consumed and a gift.
My mother was asked to be madrina and she declined, she asked my sister to be the madrina but she covered her cost. This man drinks like crazy and he was always coming to our bakery looking for trouble. There is a lot of respect and my mother felt that if she is the madrina out of respect she could not throw him out.
The funny thing is whenever he is drunk and looking for trouble, people came looking for my sister. My sister only had to say "Que pasa compadre" and this man was asking my sister for forgiveness and go home to sleep.
Being compadre o comadre is a deep thing.

Benitez · #9 10-26-2009, 05:52 PM

Ok, thanks for the feedback, it's been very useful.

I'll give it some more thought.

AlterEgo, I wrote my previous post at the same time as you wrote yours so I hadn't read yours by then. I appreciate your input.

À bientôt · #10 10-26-2009, 06:02 PM

Some would-be padrinos/madrinas are required to take classes. A bishop might make exceptions if one lives abroad.

I'm a padrino to several kids, but since I came out as an atheist a few years ago, the requests have stopped.