Blending in - tips for foreign residents

[cobraboy]

Originally Posted by catcherintherye

Getting to the point made by CobraBoy, in a country where there is wide-spread illiteracy, encumbered with a poor public educational system, the result is that many commonly held beliefs can be way off the mark, and the tendency to generalize increases proportionately.

This could be the situation that CobraBoy was describing, or it could be a generalization based on his personal experience. Who knows?

I get around a lot, but mix in primarily upper/middle classes where most are fairly well educated.

I come from a culture that is so PC that the news programs, for example, won't even describe a wanted criminal if he is any sort of minority. Here a criminal is described in detail in ways that would make my PC colleagues back home cringe.

On this forum there are heated discussions when sexism/racism/ageism/ethnicity/sexual orientationism/etc. issues arise, because we have a high modicum of PC hammered into us. I don't see those being "issues" within the Dominican social arenas I play in. But then again, I'm unusual in that I'm a clear gringo socializing with folks that almost NEVER socialize with gringos. They don't have to because gringos bring nothing to their party. Most could buy and sell me.

As I said, I don't see Dominicans as being particularly PC compared to the US, canada or Europe. There is a casualness exibited when discussing topics that would make PC world nervous.

Yes, Hippo called ONE reporter a monkey. But do you honestly think he'd have called a white reporter a monkey? I don't. Was he crass? Absolutely. Did he ever apologize, even if the media got their panties twisted? Not that I'm aware of, but maybe he did. Was there a massive outrage as there would have been if the leader of the US, Canada, GB, Germany, France, etc. had made the same remark? Nope. Not at all. There he would have been practically drummed out of office. Here folks-most being largely uneducated to our standards-generally yawned.

That is what I meant. Dominicans don't get all crazy over PC issues. Right or wrong.

Just an observation.

[catcherintherye]

CB, I have absolutely no problem with what you are saying. It makes sense to me. PC can mask all kinds of personally held beliefs.

I was only trying to describe the aspect of human behavior which causes people to generalize. It is something that seems completely natural and legitimate. But in a country where the educational system is so bad, sometimes even the better educated do not have a solid foundation of knowledge.

Anyway, my post was not directed at you, but to the point of generalization.

[MikeFisher]

IF i got Robert right,
the main point is that Dominican lifestyle means to put out the stuff more straight, to say it right like it is meant, not much descriptions around the thingy, it has a name, name it, and for that the public does not care about 'who' said a thing, even if it was the president who names a dark skinned reporter a 'monkey' like in hipolito's case.
yes,
i can agree absolutely to such as by own observations.
IMO than lower the educational level of the country overall, than more likely stuff can pass through, even that the same from a 'other country's leader' would have been his political dead.
but yes,
i say Hipolito would have called a white reporter also a 'monkey',
b/c he never thought before he spoke.
and himself he was not near as white than shown on the election propaganda fotos neither, even that the electional moto been "vota blanco".

same than the stu endless discussions about Obama and his color and where he comes from etc etc.
some wanna explain him ruibocito b/c of his light skinned mother,
others wanna explain him as a central african hunter due to his father.
heck,
take the persons like they are in the way they are,
he's a colored african american very well educated human who worked his way all up to the top seat available in his country, that's a matter of fact, that's all he is and that's darn a lot.
those discussions would not have been out withn the public here on the isle,
here he would just be the president,
at the colmados they would lovely and good meant name him 'our morenito',
but it would just be said straight out and there would not be any offense be intended in the speech.
it is typical dominican to name the things the way they are,
no much descriptions around the truth needed.
than lower the educational level over all, than straighter on the descriptions/names/wordings/less around describings.
diplomatic wordings/pronounciations are for the harvard boys,
sorrily often those pronounciations are the only things they are good on.
Mike

[Lambada]

There is a directness of description here in the DR - if someone is fat, they will frequently be called fat. I don't think it is an deliberate attempt to offend (but then, I'm not fat so I don't hear this directed at me ) nor is it a deliberate attempt to not be PC, nor is it necessarily indicative of education standards which are lacking - it is simply a different way of describing people.

[MikeFisher]

It is okay for Dominicans to show the faces of dead people in newspapers an tv. After all this years living primarily in the US I don't find that very nice.

yeap,
that's something i do not like myself neither.
Mike

[XXKWISIT]

WOW!

and Thank You!

I have been with my Dominican husband for three years and I really wish that I could have read this when we first got together. Being an independant Canadian female I have a lot to learn about Dominican culture. There are so many things that I just don't 'get'.
I have made many mistakes and I'm sure I have embarassed my husband outrageously embarassed my husband by the things that I have said and done while with him in the Dominican. The sad part is, after reading all these posts, I know I still did a lot of said 'taboo' things on my last trip down there last week.

Cobraboy made a very good point. Dominicans will never tell you what they think of you to your face, ever. They are way too polite. They will smile when they see you, though it doesn't mean that they like you.

A lot of the tips mentioned are just plain good manners, remember that you are a guest in someone else's country.

I have really struggled with a lot of said 'macho-isms'. I am an independant Canadian female and i have a tough time with the 'macho' attitude. My husband understands this, but it has been a struggle because I hate being told what to do. He would never comment about someone I have done in public, that is bad manners, but he might mention later or before we go out that what I am wearing is innappropriate.
-NEVER wear a bathing suit unless at the beach and if you are outside of a resort most Dominican females I have seen will have on shorts of some kind over the bathing suit/bikini
-always have your hair clean and styled in some way
-nails (hands and feet) neat and painted (a mani/pedi is 140 pesos in my husbands pueblo)
-no worn clothing (no holes, fraying or anything faded or worn looking)
-clean your shoes-no dusty/dirty sneakers/shoes
-good personal hygiene (should go without saying)
-no beach attire unless at a beach (this is the height of tackiness)
On money, never pull out a wallet in a public place. We usually divvy up our cash between the two of us and carry different amounts in a few pockets so you are not pulling out a wad of bills, if we are going out.
-don't trust anyone. people only care about themselves and family. this came right from my husbands mouth. it sounded harsh, but you have to look out for yourself. no one else will.

I am blond and very white. I will always stick out, always. I have done my best to learn Dominican spanish. Thanks to some of the tips I have read, I am more aware of things to not say or do in public. I know when my husband eventually gets to Canada, we are going to go through the same thing. (I am waiting for the day we are in a bar in Canada and my husband whistles or hisses at the waitress out of habit, lol or openly throws trash out the car window)

Thanks to everyone for all their tips, it's really hard explaining these things to people who have never seen the 'real' dominican.

Cheers

[jrhartley]

errrrrrrrrrrrr who tells a stranger what they think of them ? in what country does this happen ?

[2dlight]

"He would never comment about someone I have done in public, that is bad manners, but he might mention later or before we go out that what I am wearing is innappropriate."

Your husband is a very special guy!!

[El Rey de Mangu]

Originally Posted by jrhartley

errrrrrrrrrrrr who tells a stranger what they think of them ? in what country does this happen ?

Switzerland

[XXKWISIT]

wow! some people take things so literally.
What I meant was, they will always be nice to your face. Very seldom has someone been rude to me in the DR. People will always smile at you, no matter what.
In most european countries (all that I have visited) one does not smile at people they do not know. In Canada, many people have been very rude to me whether or not they know me. People stare, makes comments under their breath, and some people might make it very obvious that they don't like you. Yes, very bad manners, but it still happens none the less. Even if I were to do this to someone in the DR they would still smile to my face and be nice every time they saw me. They would talk about it amongst themselves after I leave, but I would never hear about.



One other thing i noticed is when in someone's house do not be nosy. People don't gives 'tours' of their homes. This would be inviting thieves to see what you have to steal. I didn't realize this and I was commenting on something in one of my husbands friends houses, everyone just kinda smiled at me. Later on, my husband mentioned that people don't really do this. People worry that you are casing the joint if you are looking around.
In Canada, people are flattered when you comment on their home and enjoy talking about work they have done on their house, enjoy showing off their landscaped backyard, etc. I would never been offended if a friend wanted to have a tour of my house. I wouldn't be worrying that they would be coming back later to rob me. This is not something Dominicans do.
A note on drug use. Yes there are lots of drug users, lots. People don't tend to use recreationally. ANY type of drug use is very heavily frowned upon by most. You will be looked down on if you are caught fraternizing with these people. The police are very unforgiving when it comes to any type of drug. We have been pulled over many times and had our car searched. They didn't even care about driver's licences, just looking for drugs or paraphenalia.