Blending in - tips for foreign residents

[rockero]

I am probably moving down here for the winter end of month but I am not a shorts and gucci preppie waering geek guy. I might bring a few sprts shirts from chicago thats it and some of my nice long sleeved button down shirts. my nice gym shoes and boots too. But the tourist image of stupid shorts or bermuda shirts and camera around my neck is not for me. Should I bring my leather jacket too? I am thinking not as most of DR is too hot for that. Oh Well that is my style. Will probably live in Santo Domingo or Santiago... Later,,Rockero....

[mountainannie]

Originally Posted by MikeFisher

Annie,
dirty purse
crocs
and PINK FLIP FLOPS
i can feel with your housekepper.
please listen to that Lady, he he
Mike

Oh I KNOW it is SUCH an effort to get dressed properly here. No wonder I need help. I now have IRONED and STARCHED outfits now hanging in my closets.

But I am keeping my crocs and my pink flip flops which do have a bit of a wedge........ AND my sketchers....

But it is also an effort to get to the salon to have the TOES painted so that they look ok in the sandals......

But, of course, in the end I am still the Americana and the neighbors know that they are just going to have to cut me some slack....

i mean

who irons in the States?

[MikeFisher]

so your approach to blend in
is the nail art at the salon,
of course in the style of the oink sandals.

i hate my stuff ironed,
but the Mrs doesn't care, she irons almost everything.

Rocker,
leave that leather jacket at home.
when for a longer while close to a beach it is a hassle to maintain a leather jacket.
the salty humidity dries the leather and kills the zippers, so you would need to keep that greased all the time.

shorts and other beach wear is not my thingy as long as i don't plan to jump in that water. blue jeans and shirts are my way to go.

i don't even try to blend in in case of clothing,
to blend in mean's to show the right attitude/behavior,
and you get accepted at the new 'hood really quick.
to go with the flow of the present neighbourhood is the way to blend in.
Mike

[MBG]

Hey juanita!

I totally agree with what you said! You DO know this country! lol

[Kozy]

Great post Juanita
A few tibits to add:
-use the usted form when conversing; politeness goes a long way in the DR. Words like dona, don and senor and senora are your friends
- driving in the DR- ALWAYS remember the one rule that is always in effect and enacted constantly: the biggest vehicule has the right of way-everything else is simply minor details
- educated dominicans don't like bachata and they just don't understand why you do. You know, its sooo campasino!
- If your girlfriend keeps mumbling " si papi" when your making love, do a background check. She probably had a previous career in a place like Sosua.
- Virtually all married dominican men have or want to have an amante(mistress). It's indisputable- financial resources is the only question in play
- Always understand the great importance of social class and status in the DR. It rules and one must understand this to comprehend the culture.
-The DR used to be a very safe place- everywhere(except for the poorest barrios in Santiago and Santo Domingo)-the WHOLE country. Drugs- cocaine and crack cocaine has changed the landscape. It is a very very sad turn of events. Crack is now everywhere in the DR- not just the 2 big cities. With the crack comes the crack culture-- you know the story-- gangs, violence, crack moms,ect ect This reality breaks my heart.
-I am not a world traveler but have traveled extensively. Dominicans are some of the most friendly people on earth. Note this fact in your mind and embrace it. Its a good thing!
- The difference between big city and small town/campo life is enormous. So are the perceptions and attitudes of the people. Just like the states, Canada and most likely the rest of the world.
Climate is related to altitude-- if you are dying of heat in the summer, go to the mountains--instant relief and cooler temps.
-The reason there are barking dogs everywhere in the DR is because that is the poor man's watchman. Cheap security- and yes, they eat rice, beans and leftovers- not dog food.
Best Regards K

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[Vacara]

Originally Posted by juanita

I am one of those single mothers living in a medium class neighborhood; not the typical neighborhood where you would find foreigners. I have been living in this area for the past 7 years (15 in the country) and I have learned over the years that you really need to blend in to stay safe.

We have to accept that we are living in a totally different culture from our own and we have to adapt, even if that means closing our eyes on behaviors that we would never accept in our own countries. On a daily basis you will have to deal with the “macho man” culture and you need to be careful how you react to it. We all know that their behavior is wrong, but getting upset at the “jefe” will only bring you double trouble. You have to mimic how Dominicanas would respond in the same situation: smile, be friendly even a bit “coqueta”, turn it into humor and make them feel that you NEED their help, and don’t EVER insult their authority or you will burn your own bridge. If you are dealing with people that have less education you have to think at their level, not yours.

And for the ones saying not to hang out with Dominicans I say its bull, totally the opposite, make friends, get to know the people at your colmados, always treat them with respect you never know when it will come handy in a bad situation. For example, when I first moved to the country I had a police officer give me a ride one night and I guess he was expecting more and was upset. So the next day at 3am he was drunk and yelling at my gate; I was new to the country so I didn’t know anybody but the only people that I dealt with on a daily basis were the taxi drivers I was using to drive me around. They knew me as “Canada”, so at 3am I called the taxi station and told the operator that “Canada” was in a bit of trouble, next thing I knew; I had 4 units at my door dealing with the annoying officer… never seen him again.
Sometimes it’s better to let them deal with their own people.

Be nice to the security guys on your turf, take them some juice once in a while, some leftovers, treat them with respect and let THEM handle the bozos at your door. On my street I make sure that I mingle with Dominicans; at the colmados, walking on the street I take time to chit chat with my neighbors. One of them is a general so even if it’s not the type of people I would usually hang out with, I take time to go there, have a beer with him and his wife, mingle, help his daughter with her French homework and show him RESPECT even if I disagree with his macho attitude. Once he hit on me while his wife was in the kitchen; normally I would have gotten really upset at the situation but I simply turned it into humor and he never tried that one again. But he also told me that if I’m ever in trouble I can call him at any time. Another neighbor is a lawyer and he loves gardening as I do, so I take time to go to his house chit chat, bring him new seeds and when I need legal advice, I get it for free. Become their friend and these people will become your safety.

All my neighbors know that I am a single mom so they watch my back and my daughter’s. The other night there was a ladron that jumped in my yard as an escape route, well the next day I had every neighbor asking if I was ok.

I NEVER give out money; even to the street guy that used to come to my door, he would always ask for money and I would only give him food, after a while he stopped coming.

Treat them with respect and you will stay out of trouble, and if you can’t handle them yourself, let your Dominican friends do that for you, but NEVER insult their intelligence.

I have been single for some 6 years now, probably because I don’t accept that macho type as a partner that is also why I got divorced. Sometimes I even think that I would be better to move back to my country to find a decent man but I keep my hopes up. It is true that Dominicans don’t really understand how a woman can be single but they also don’t bug me with it; only the general that tried to match me with his bodyguard.

Humor and respect will get you somewhere, yelling won’t. Negative attitude will get you negative response. I often see gringos treating Dominicans like monkeys, rubbing their level of intelligence in their faces, well that won’t get them anywhere in this country, those people are better off to stay in their own countries.

You either adjust to this culture or you don’t. So my advice is mingle, be respectful, use humor as your weapon and let them handle their own people when you can’t.

Excellent post "Canada", it reveals the level to which you have decoded Dominican idiosyncrasy and its multiple manifestations; like making favors a "currency" by which people exchange services. That is crucial in DR and any other country in which perennial poverty makes money very scarce and people need to kind of cuddle each other to obtain what they need.

Two things I feel intrigued by;

- Why would certain foreigners give advice as to not mingle with the locals?. Knowing how other cultures go about their daily lives, how they solve their problems?, what they eat and dream is one of the most intriguing and interesting sides of moving to a new society. If you are going to seclude yourself, to isolate from the rest of the population you might as well move to South Africa and live in an apartheid society.

- You said that Dominicans can't understand how a woman can be single. Can you elaborate on that?, cuz that's new to me, maybe I'm missing your point.

[djlawlaw]

Hmm, I have not posted in a while, but I must admit that this thread has inspired me to get back into the living forums. I have only been visiting the DR for over 9 years now and eventually got a condo in Santiago. I don;t think I will ever totaly understand the culture here, but that does not stop me from trying. There are lots of insightful posts in here and I even learned a thing or two. For example, letting women walk behind me so that everone knows who the boss is. lol.
However, I find some of the post absolutely hilarious. There are a few people giving advice who clearly do not know much about the Dominican culture, some with very little history of posts in the forum.
While I do believe that you should not care about what others think, I also think that it is not the culture here in the DR. Not caring about what others think of you in the DR can put you in a very dangerous position. There are many tigres out there who do nothing but look out for us, because we are a big fat payday for them.
I see nothing wrong with trying to blend into the culture. I mean after all, we did move here because there was something in the DR that appealed to us. If that is the case, why disrespect the culture? Thanks for the laugh guys, please don’t stop.

[Pib]

Originally Posted by KateP

In Punta Cana you see plenty of people in shorts but in Santo Domingo?

I live in Punta Cana. It also depends where you are going, nobody picks up their kids at school wearing shorts.

I bought half a dozen capri pants (they all look the same, people must think I wear the same pants all the time). Capris can get you anywhere here (at least in daytime situations). Sandals are OK.

Originally Posted by minerva_feliz

It's your call on whether or not you want to try to fit in here. Yes, no matter what you wear you will always be a foreigner.

Absolutely. If you try to pass as Dominican you'd be the laughingstock, but that's not the point. The point is to respect local culture, something any smart traveler does wherever they go. Just like you don't show up at an UAE airport carrying porn and booze.

In return you will be minimally bothered, and gain the support and respect of the people that surround you.

Other tips of my own:
-Men, wear shirts. We do not wish to see your moobs. Never go into an establishment without shirt, even more so if they serve food. (I am looking at you, moron at the Basking Robins in Punta Cana). It's OK for men to go bare-chested only in the same situation it would be OK for a woman to wear a bikini.

-Do not discuss your political or religious views with people that are not of your immediate circle. This is specially important if your views are not that common here.

- Learn how to use "a buen tiempo" and "buen provecho".

- Drug use, even if only the "youthful experimentation" kind, is looked down upon. Avoid mentioning it, or in any way suggesting it is an ongoing thing. As a matter of fact, refrain from mingling with people who might be users, abusers, or traffickers. Under no circumstances get caught with drugs.

-Avoid Spanish curse words. It's possible that you have not yet mastered the finer points of the language and will use it in a completely inappropriate place or time. Avoid using words if you have no idea what they mean, discreetly ask a trusted person if you don't know.

- I know it's archaic in most languages, and that some other posters have mentioned it, but this bears repeating: use Usted when addressing people you just met (except for children/teenagers). They will let you know if they wish to be addressed with the less formal "tu", or you'll figure out by watching how other Dominicans interact with this person how you should address them in the future.

- Make a habit of listening, and observing more than you speak/do.

[Pib]

Originally Posted by Chirimoya

Spare a thought for the Dominicans who "look like gringos" who have to yell "coño, soy de un maidito campo de Moca" when their compatriots insist on speaking to them as if their Spanish was minimal. Mr C. who is neither blond nor blue eyed gets this a lot, but the blond blue-eyed Dominicans I know must get it even worse than he does.

Or the foreign-looking, white, blue-eyed fathers of mulatto teenage girls.

I can't begin to count the times my father got dirty looks when we were away from home.

[eibbed]

I know exactly what you mean, JD. I have a pair of very unique/stylish cropped camouflage pants that I would never wear outside of the U.S. In fact, given our current American military presence in these serious times, I don't even wear them here in the U.S. out of respect to those who proudly wear camouflage and who should wear them.

Plainswoman

Originally Posted by JDJones

Believe it or not, I have been told by many military and police officials that wearing camouflage clothing is prohibited in the DR.

(None of you need to tell me that you wear camouflage clothing and get away with it, I'm just telling you what I've been told by high ranking officers).