With age...
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE and THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 40
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is
using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just
saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult
gives you four hours of decent rest.
5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.
6. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on
a field trip to Chippendale's.
================================================== ===========
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 40
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run - anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples' operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to
pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the
national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable
size.
|
(11)
You know you are old,like "JazzComm".....................
