Need some thoughts

nicelifealways · #1 01-12-2003, 03:54 AM

After reading a few threads I have learnt a lot. Thought I would ask some folks here for advise. My case is a little different but a lot of similarity with the rest.

a) I first came to DR on biz in '98, was alone and in a high stress work, met this girl at a bar. Exceptionally good looking and slightly crazy. I approached her, kept getting rejected for a long time but you would know what kind of persistence I have! She was 20 and me 27 then. But still it was some form of company when I did not know anyone, am not white and only spoke very little spanish.

b) She does come from a poor family background (been to her home a few times) and has 4 younger sisters at home. Incidently I do not come from 1st world country unlike most of you I had to REALLY struggle through my life. Trust me, I have seen worse than DR. Good scholarship, intelligence and education made me, before coming to DR I had spent 3 yrs working in the US. So I have seen and can empathize with her and also know 1st world well. Suffice to say; have been to all 1st world countries.

c) After consistent rejects and in confusion, I get married to an old friend of mine in '99 who I really love now. She is a MD and currently 26yrs. Beautiful, intelligent and professional.

d) Later in '01 she somehow got back in touch with me, meanwhile she had married a Domincan ('00) and divorced. It lasted for 3 months. Some guy I don't know but she complained about not being treated well. My instinct told me to listen her out since she used to help me out emotionally during hard times in '98. Somehow, I agreed to help her as a friend and monetarily since she needed some help, I promised to get her on her feet, she is now learning english/computers etc.

e) Meanwhile, after several yrs of efforts now I have a successful biz, and due to economic reasons have to move most of the operations out of DR hence no possibility of staying there for any extended period. I want her to get quickly on her feet but it somehow feels that she is kind of fallen for me (or makes me think that way) and does not seem to be working hard enough. I have never ever slept with her (my culture is different!) though she is exceptionally attractive and thinks I am out of my mind.

f) Incidently, I am a self made guy with net worth in 8 digits in $s. I have been giving her $1K per month for her studies, knowing the difficulties I went through I thought it was important to give a proper opportunity for someone to make it in life. I am not flashy kinds, a very ordinary person who does not suffer from new-money syndrome. I am in some ways too cheap (moneywise). I am also not white either.

g) I often wonder she does not have sense for money. Why would one spend so much on being flashy when it is more important to think long term. Incidently I don't have a car in DR and use the taxis (yellow tourist ones), while I got her a car to goto school (stupid me!). Her english after 1 yr is not good enough.

Was wondering:
1) Any thoughts how I approach the issue of making her independent in long run. No point giving money for life, I want her to earn it herself (no sex please).

2) I have given up trying to understand the Domincan culture, though most of the things that people do are logical but not with a long term thinking.

3) I have a major dilemma, the money I spend her can get several kids in educated anywhere else. But I don't know whether she would understand, it would make her really vulnerable for sure.

suarezn · #2 01-12-2003, 10:56 AM

My friend, if your story is true, you're getting taken big time. Did you say you're giving her $1000 USD a month? Can I say "Are you out of your freakin' mind?" You bought her a car to go to school? I thought I heard it all, but this one is the best one yet. Even worse that's all without even getting any sex...
You said you met her in a bar...Was it a "Car Wash" bar by any chance?
Basically after she separated from this dominican guy, if she ever did, she decided to call this sucker she once knew and see if she could get any money out of him. Most likely it was her chulo's idea...
Oh...the humanity!
Well...I think you should continue to contribute to the Dominican economy...I say you up her monthly allowance to $3,000 USD a month...inflation you know. I also have a bridge I would like to sell you...

Robert · #3 01-12-2003, 11:08 AM

Email her details and I'll find out what's up

OwnRules · #4 01-12-2003, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Was wondering:
1) Any thoughts how I approach the issue of making her independent in long run. No point giving money for life, I want her to earn it herself (no sex please).

3) I have a major dilemma, the money I spend her can get several kids in educated anywhere else. But I don't know whether she would understand, it would make her really vulnerable for sure.

My combined suggestion for 1 and 3 above, would be to let her read (or simply tell her in your own words) your whole post. I think it spells out your whole thought process quite nicely. And if she fails to get the point after reading it, well, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Best of luck.

Uncle Abby

Indie · #5 01-12-2003, 06:08 PM

Well, ditto to what suarezn said. Or, you can always run like hell and never look back!

AZB · #6 01-12-2003, 07:01 PM

This can't be true. I mean if this guy claims to be self made millionire then he must have the sense, not to get into this mess. This is a fake story and this guy is not real.
Can it be cali again?

Ken · #7 01-12-2003, 08:13 PM

What we need, AZB, are more real people with questions for us to answer so that we don't have to mess around with all these first time posters with impossible problems/stories.

The joke is wearing thin.

GNYC · #8 01-12-2003, 08:27 PM

Nicelifealways,

Best of luck with your ladyfriend.

I find your financial sucess to be a tremendous achievement.
Would you care to share what type of business could create a net worth of over $10 million in less than 5 years in the Dominican republic.

Lee-Lee · #9 01-12-2003, 08:29 PM

i don't understand why you dismiss his story as impossible? yes it seems somewhat unrealistic, but why don't you put aside the negative greeting you seem to give many newcomers and just answer his questions?

if you don't have an answer maybe you should let someone else answer them instead of criticizing people.

Ken · #10 01-12-2003, 08:36 PM

Nobody is stopping you from taking it all seriously, Lee-Lee.

If and when he sends Robert the details, as per Robert's kind request, and it is determined that the request is legitimate, then he will get whatever help can be given by those of us who don't cry over stories in the True Romance magazine in our free time.