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Originally posted by Amber
This may seem an odd question, but I'd really like some real answers. How does a person learn to take sex casually, as in no emmotional attachment?
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From a man's perpective, which is the only one I can give you, casual sex is little more than letting your hormones do the thinking for you. Animalistic instict at its best -- or worse, depending on your view. But, taboos aside, the sex drive itself is nothing more than a biological marker we all share in some degree. So, in theory at least, we are all well capable of enganging in just such an activity -- we are built to reproduce and sex is the mechanism we use to do so. Nothing more and nothing less.
However, in the case of most human beings, emotions play a large role in controlling/curbing our needs and desires. If they didn't, our behavior would be almost undistinguishable from other primates, and by extension, the rest of the animal kingdom. Now, you'll also notice that infants are constantly seeking satisfaction almost always with little or no regard to the consequences of their actions. But as we develop and mature, we learn that not only actions have consequences but that they also provoke all sorts of reactios in other people both positive and negative. And that is what is at issue here.
Which leads to my next point.
Sex, the desire for it and the way we go about pursuing it, is largely conditioned by our upbringing. The social mores prevalent in our societies as expressed by those with the largest influence over us such as parents, teachers, religion for those of faith, friends, and last but not least society itself, are the ones that ultimately give us the building blocks upon which we build our personal morality. But here's the thing, ultimately, that means didley if those are the very reasons that
are making you unhappy.
In other words, if as a rational adult, the only thing holding you back from persuing your needs and desires are
the very cultural memes you inherited through the means I described above, then, it is up to you, and nobody else, to question
each and everyone of them. Not an easy thing to do I'll grant anyone, as it is likely to shake the very foundation you've built your worldview on -- but I know of no other way of figuring out if you've been building on quicksand or not. And that is not only the only way of knowing, but of
correcting it.
If after doing so, you come to the realization that casual sex, is in fact, something you're intrigued by, then there's really nothing to "learn." The only thing left is getting up the courage of going out and
trying it. Which of course, won't guarantee a wondeful experience or a lifelong pursuit of debauchery. But it
will bring your feelings out into the open for the most important person in the world to analyze: YOU. And if the realization is that you'd want to include casual sex into your lifestyle -- in whatever degree -- so be it. It is your life to live, not anybody else's. And even if you have a regular partner, he/she should be made aware of your feelings. Because if you don't or can't, you're guaranteeing a certain amount of misery by way of undermining your (true) nature. Remember, nothing is more natural than being yourself.
The fact that you brought up the topic to begin with -- though I admit I didn't read the rest of the thread -- suggests there's an interest of some sort already. Or perhaps a desire to understand those that do. But whichever it is, I congratulate you for bringing it up in what is not, to me at least, the most tolerant board around when it comes to women's fantasies or desires.
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How does one deal with the double standards? Ignore them or what?
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Simple. Screw them if they can't take a joke -- find the ones than can and ignore the rest
Pardon the longwinded response, but this a topic (not necessarily 'casual sex' but fantasies and desires vis-a-vis overcoming conditioning and taboos) that has fascinated me for a very long time.
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