Racism & dating dominican women.

carl ericson70 · #1 11-15-2003, 03:04 PM

Greetings all,
I'm a 26 year old american man engaged to a dominican woman,whom most people assume is a native black.Ok..I would really appreciate some advice or input or from other white guys(americans or europeans),who're involved with dominican women.Particularly the racial implications of dating or marrying the darker among them,who look more black.

Here's my delima:This is the first time I've ever been involved involved with a black woman and I'm finding the waters a tad bit difficult at times.I'm basicly the only one in my entire family who is in a mixed relationship and to be honest-my parents are petrified at the prospects of black ancestry being introduced into the family tree.Two of my uncles have actually disowned me,yada yada yada.

Outside of relatives- I've recieved some really threatening looks from black men,when I'm with my girl.I guess because they assume I'm taking one of their women.Not to mention stank comments & hostile stares from white women.It's like"dude couldn't get a white girl,so he had to settle for a black one".From white guys,I get called a"ni__er lover"on average about once a week.

Within my relationship,I sware,it's been one hell of a learning experience.That goes for the both of us!My girlfriend,who is about sammmy sosas complexion,with african type hair,yet, isn't accustomed to thinking of herself as a black woman,anywhere close to the context that most americans typically do.So she's learing that more than likely she'll be precieved a black woman.Also that one's color still means alot in american society.

On my part I've learned a whole heap of alot about dominican people and culture from her.

your thoughts or opinions would be apprecoiated!

Carl ericson

LUDUS · #2 11-15-2003, 04:42 PM

I'm a white american guy and I've dated black american girls in the US and black dominican girls in the DR but never exactly your experience - also I'm 44. From my perspective the racial comments and reactions in the US are much much lower now than 20 years ago. US understanding of race is entirely different from the DR (where race attitudes are similar to Brazil). My experience in the US is that white guy/ black girl couples are less harassed that black guy/white girl couples. My experience was somewhat different because I was with US black girls and I could defer to their judgment about their folk- you have the fascinating situation of a girlfriend who is seen as black but knows nothing about US perceptions black or white. Family reactions are usually tempered by the details of the partner - if she has other selling points they'll eventually come around. If you don't get a kick out of the learning experience and reactions then it's not that easy. I kind of enjoy that stuff.

Larry · #3 11-15-2003, 06:29 PM

I am a white American and a few years ago I was going out with a girl from Trinidad. She wasn't even that black looking she was more Indian looking. Anyway, I expected some negative reaction but I was really surprised at how much I got from my friends and family. I made the mistake of taking her to my friends wedding. Everyone in the hall was white except for her. I tought it wouldnt be that big of a deal but I could feel the coolness in the room toward us. The two of us also went on a cruise to Bermuda. As you would expect, 99% of the passengers were white. Everywhere we went on the ship, people looked funny at us. She was probably the best girlfriend I ever had but after close to a year I decided to break it off. It was just too awkward trying to socialize with anyone. I felt strange around white people, black people, whoever. If you love the girl and are willing to put up with the bull**** you encounter then I suggest you just stay with her and deal with it. Otherwise, break it off.

Larry

AnnaC · #4 11-15-2003, 06:52 PM

Larry that is such a shame. She could have been the love of your life. Anyways did anyone say anything to you in your face? I sometimes wonder if people project what they themselves think others may be thinking and in reality not many people actually give a hoot.

Just a thought.

XanaduRanch · #5 11-15-2003, 07:17 PM

... for "XanaduRanch Race Black" or something similar and you should find several threads where I have expressed my opinions and experiences.

I was married to a black woman in the United States for fifteen years. My second wife, Alba, is Dominican. But she is lighter complected and we live here in the D.R. We've been together for 2-1/2 years and will be celebrating our 2nd Anniversary in March.

Tom (aka XR)

kronos · #6 11-15-2003, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by carl ericson70
From white guys,I get called a"ni__er lover"on average about once a week.

That's pretty harsh!! I don't know where you live, but I'm an American white guy living in New York and I have dated Dominican women of different complexions here without ever hearing anything like what you posted. It sounds like you're situated in an awfully intolerant environment.

And I'm sorry to bring this to your attention, but if you're strugling with the "racial implications of dating or marrying the darker among them", then IMHO you're not ready yourself for that kind of relationship.

AZB · #7 11-16-2003, 12:30 AM

If you marry an african race than most likely you will have children with african features and with bad curly hair. No one in dominican repulic is proud of that. They all seem to look down upon those types.
Don't get me wrong, I am not white nor I am african but I do know what i am talking about. I live in DR and i have paid my dues.
Dominicans are extremely racist (atleast in santiago area). If you have African features and have curly hair, you are doomed for life. They consider african featured person a low classed chopo. You will never be accepted in the society and will always be considered a moreno. These morenos never get a break in life unless they are well connected in the political arena. Dominicans look down upon morenos. You must have a fair complexion and straight hair to be accepted in the society.
So my friend, why do you think she is the only womna left for you in this country? There are many fair complexion straight haired women in this island. Why make your life difficult? get yourself a whiter dominican woman and make everyone easy.
have a nice day.
regards
AZB

Jersey Devil · #8 11-16-2003, 01:06 AM

First of all Good Luck.

If you really need the approval of your friends and family,
you may have your answer right there.
If I loved the girl and wanted to spend the rest of my
life with her, and had to do it on my own I would.

A Romantic?

JD

Daniel W. · #9 11-16-2003, 03:02 AM

Your negative social interactions are unlikely to get better with time if you remain in your present location... You must decide if the woman you are dating is worth all the stress such a relationship is causing you. If not, and you enjoy Dominicanas in general, you might want to begin dating another more "socially acceptable" colored Dominicana, as AZB describes!

I would definitely take issue with my family; sounds like they are real charming people... I wouldn't be surprised if they are good Christian hypocrites. Tell your mom and dad that you merely want to "mejorar la raza", by applying Mendelian genetics; it works for plants and animals, and even homo sapiens... Do tell uncles Clyde and Billy Bob to $%£$ off while you're at it too. Get a tome by George Hayduke or the ilk, and apply some of the techniques outlined. Your uncles deserve the proverbial red carpet treatment!!!

Unfortunately racism exists. I've always enjoyed dating Latinas, Orientals and other women who differ than my own Anglo/Teutonic heritage. I married a Dominicana, and although she is darker skinned, she is slim and very pretty with "causanian facial characteristics" and straight hair. I don't really see the racism where I live in Italy, although racism is definitely here in sunny Italy. My situation is definitely different than yours, and it's sad there are such ignorant and unloving people where you are living...

Best wishes to you!

Daniel W.

Larry · #10 11-16-2003, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Anna Coniglio
Larry that is such a shame. She could have been the love of your life. Anyways did anyone say anything to you in your face? I sometimes wonder if people project what they themselves think others may be thinking and in reality not many people actually give a hoot.

Just a thought.

Trust me Anna, it was not in my mind. I pretended not to notice but she felt it too and mentioned it to me first. And, yes someone said something to my face, my family did. They told me it wouldn't work, to reconsider going out with this girl...you know. I didn't break up with her because other people wanted me too, I did because I knew I would never marry her and the fact that we were different races made things awkward in social situations. If I truly loved her, I would have stayed with her. I know down the road, when I am permanently in the DR, I will wind up living with a Dominican girl. When that happens, I dont care if she is white, black or purple, I will be with her because I want to be. But the situation I described to you was at a point in my life and in a setting where it was not worth the aggravation to me. Like I said to the poster with the original question, if he loves her and thinks she is worth it, stay with her.
Larry