Successful Relationships!! Dominican Style!

[Lore]

A workmate of mine had a daughter (early-20's I know prime picking age!!) and she came on her grad trip and met an animacion guy (against everything in my books too!!, BUT)she hooked up with one of them and she came back at least 7/8 times in 3 yrs.They got married in the DR, she hired the best (I'm sure most expensive) lawyers to get him here.He arrived 4 yrs ago.Like I said, they were both young when this happened and the odds should have been against them. However, it has been four years.He has a respectable job(more than min wage at least)and they have just had their first newborn.They are as happy as the first day I saw them.By the way, I saw them together in the DR before any of this got started and remember he was "animacion". Now I'm certainly not saying that this is the norm, contrary, I think it is exceptional, however it can happen!! I know both people and they truly were in love together and that same love still shows here today. Maybe this is one in a million MommC but it really does happen.They are not all 100% bad. I do know the majority are in it for the "quick fix" be it money, visa's, whatever. But this is one of the times it has worked. Not many - but at least one - so far!!

[rafael]

An American guy, divorced after being married 10 years travels to DR for first time. Has a great time, returns often. Over the course of maybe 8 trips dates a bunch of Dominicanas, but doesn't want anything serious. Then one trip is introduced to his buddy's wife's girlfriend. First thought? Not my type. They hang out the first night and after a very long conversation he is surprised at being attracted by her personality. He continues to come down every few weeks. They grow closer, get engaged. He applies for a visa. Complications in the visa process. She arrives in the US, entering without papers.

They Marry and move to texas. The first several months are very tough on her. She feels lonely, not knowing whenshe can return home, doesn't speak english that well, no Dominicans in texas, can't get a job or drive as no residency yet. The husband travels quite a bit for work and she feels even more desperate. After about 10 months of Marriage they realize it will not work. Not for lack of love, they both love each other deeply. they just can not live together.

During this time the husband, is having severe problems that are work related, lots of stress etc, which did not help the Marriage situation and vice versa. He decides he needs a quiet vacation. He comes very close to going to Acapulco or Honduras as he wanst to go somewhere different. Last minute decides to go to Santo Domingo.

Having pretty much sworn off Dominican women, not because of bad experience but because of the difficulties that arise any time 2 people from different worlds start a relationship.

Travels to DR, and meets a great girl. He is very self concious, and tries to take things very slowly. She OTOH falls pretty quickly. Eventually he realizes he is holding back not because of her, but because he had "sworn off" Dominicanas.

he travels down several times and they grow much closer. Then he finally gets laid off and moves to the DR. They now live together with her 7 year old son and are pretty damn happy.

He. . . . .Ok I think that the first year for any relationship can be very tough, especially when the 2 people are from different countries. I am finding it to be a good thing that we spent the first year down here. I think getting over the initial year of living together in the DR, before even thinking about going to the US is a good thing. She is not real thrilled with living in the US and for now we plan to stay here for the forseeable future.

So it may look like I am batting .500 but I don't really see my first relationship with a Dominicana to be a failure. It didn't last, true, but I can not say that she was a bad person or tried to use or hurt me. I think if circumstances were slightly different things could have worked out fine.

I have given a lot of thought as to why we sort of have a double standard when it comes to Relationships between Gringos or Gringas with Dominicans. We always jump down the Gringas throats and tell them there is almost zero chance of it working etc.
I have seen many a girl in Boca Chica emailing 6 novios et once etc. I also see less "cautioning" when a guy gets involved with a Dominicana.

I thought maybe we were being unfair. Then I realized one BIG difference when dealing with Dominican ladies versus "sankys".

I think both sankys and their famale counterparts can be guilty of being motivated by money, residency, or material things. The difference that i have found is many Dominican women have had ENOUGH with Dominican men. Many Dominicanas will tell you horror stories about dominican men.

OTOH, I have never heard Dominican men complain about Dominicanas. In fact they most likely can't get enough of them. So while both sides have people with less than good intentions, if you take away the materialistic reasons for the sankys, they many times don't have any other reasons.

I personally know of a decent amount of men that have married and stayed married to Dominican women. I don't know of any cases with gringas married to Dominicanos, well I know one, but he has used and abused her and treats her like crap. She was definitely his ticket to the states and he has bailed many times and has tons of girls on the side.

Having said all that the cab driver that picked me up the other day told me he just bought a PC and had a Novia from the states. I immediately assumed she bought him the PC. He proudly pulled out a picture of her that he printed out. She looked to be late 40s - early 50s, more than a bit "chubby", not the most attractive woman I have ever seen. The guy was all smiles, and seemed VERY genuine when he said this is my novia. he seemed VERY proud to be ablle to say she was his novia.

I went to a cajero and when i returned he was on the cell phone with her. He was extremely happy that she called and can't wait till she returns. Now he could have been "acting" but he had no reason to convince me, and I have been around the block, he looked genuine.

I later spoke to a barmaid that uses this cab driver every night and she was telling me that he was MUY enamorado. Also he bought the PC before he met her, and they emailed and chatted online constantly.

Would I bet my life this guy was really in love? No. Would I bet some cash. . . . . .you bet.

I think as long as you are not blind, and jaded there are potentials on both sides, but I do think the women have it much harder than us gringos do.

[Tony C]

My Case:

We dated for a year and a 1/2. Then I left for the states for Business purposes.
Long Distance relationship for a year then I went back and married her. 15 years this june.
Of course she is not the Typical Dominican. And I am not a Gringo!

Tony C.

[Tony C]

Originally posted by MommC
Did she meet HB's criteria???
Why has it been successful?
Inquiring minds want to know!!

Her father was from Italian and spanish ancestry
Her mother is from Ecuador of Italian and Icelandic parents
Her Family is quite wealthy and a prominant member of Dominican Society.
Educated in the best schools and has 2 B.A. degrees and a M.S.
Speaks 4 languages Fluently. One of her degrees is in Translation.
She was already well traveled before she even met me. In fact she had a diplomatic passport.

She more than meets HB's Criteria.

The marriage is sucessful because She is my equal socially, economically and in education. Not to mention that she is a great person and quite the hot babe!!!!

[michelle2504]

I am also sitting at my desk at work with tears in my eyes. I think that all the stories are wonderful.

I Have been married to my husband for just over 2 years and it just gets better every day.

I have to get back to work now, but I would like to applaud all the people who posted their heartwarming stories.


Michelle

[leopardlady]

I am also a non-Dominican married to a Dominican man for 5 years and with him for a total of 10. We have our ups and downs like every other married couple but overall we have a good marriage and are very happy. I can't imagine being married to anyone else.

Originally posted by michelle2504
I am also sitting at my desk at work with tears in my eyes. I think that all the stories are wonderful.

I Have been married to my husband for just over 2 years and it just gets better every day.

I have to get back to work now, but I would like to applaud all the people who posted their heartwarming stories.


Michelle

[rimshot]

Thank you to everyone for their positive stories. It's nice to finally read something besides the usual stories.

My story is a little long. I'll try to trim it down as much as possible without leaving out any important details.

My first trip to the DR was in 1993 with a group from my high school on a missions trip. I enjoyed my time there emensely, and had always wanted to return there to immerse myself in Spanish. I studied Spanish for a total of 5 years between high school and college and had developed a good vocabulary and knowledge, but lacked confidence in speaking it. After graduating from college and working for a few years, I ended up quitting my job in early 2001 and going to graduate school. It so happened that I started grad school in the Winter and as a result had an entire summer available without classes or a job. I knew several Dominicans in my church and asked them if they could make some contacts so that I could spend a couple of months in the DR practicing my Spanish. It took a little while for things to get worked out, but finally everything was in place and off I went. Before I left many people in my church were teasing me that I would come home with a girlfriend. They said this because a few other men in the church had married Dominican women. I was not dating anyone at the time and quite frankly was just as happy that way. I insisted that the purpose of my trip was to improve my Spanish, which it was.

I arrived in Santo Domingo and knew absolutely no one. I met my host family for the first time that night and they treated me to sancocho and made me feel very welcome. About two weeks after I arrived, we were in one of the stores and met up with one of the other women in the church. My host mom introduced me and said that I was there to practice my Spanish. A week or so later I was invited to a dinner party for some of the singles of the church. Little did I know at the time, the woman to whom I had been introduced in the store had a niece (H) who lived with her and her aunt told her to invite me to the party. I met her when my host mom dropped me off at their place to wait for our ride to the party. Her aunt had told her that I didn't speak much Spanish, so she said to me, "I'm sorry, but I don't speak English." I said, "That's fine, I came here to improve my Spanish anyway." To shorten the story a bit here, we spent the entire evening at the party together talking. After that I kept looking for her at church, but didn't see her for about three weeks. We finally got a chance to talk, and got along very well. Shortly after that we began talking on the phone during the week on and off. This whole time I was becoming more and more interested, as was she as I later found out. Just before I left we went on a retreat with some of the other singles from the church, and spent virtually every waking hour together. While we were at the retreat I decided that I was going to sit her down and tell her how I felt. If she rejected me, fine, at least I was honest with her. I told her that I liked her and wanted to get to know her better, as friends first and then we would see where things progressed. She told me she felt the same way about me. The day before I left in August of 2001 I met with her pastor and told him about it. He gave me his blessing, as did my host family and her aunt and uncle with whom she was living at the time. When I got back to the States, my mom joked with me that I could go back to church and tell everyone that they were wrong and that I had not come back with a girlfriend. I told her that wasn't exactly true and told her all about what had happened. I kept in contact with H over the next several months and the more we talked, the closer we got. I went back to SD in March of 2002 over my spring break. When I came back from that trip, I knew that it was more than friendship. I flew down again for a weekend in June and another two weeks in July. We had been hoping that she could get a tourist visa to come up and meet my family, but we concluded that was not the best idea, so my parents went down there with me in December to meet her. My parents love her, and she loves them, even ghouth she speaks very little English and my parents speak no Spanish. I arrived in December with the ring in my pocket, and everyone but H knew that I was going to pop the question. I proposed and she accepted. Now we're waiting for the paperwork to go through and hope to marry sometime early next year, depending on how long that process takes. I went back down for a long weekend a month ago, and can't wait to go back to be with her.

While I was there during the summer of 2001 I not only improved my Spanish, I also learned alot about Dominican culture. I learned so much that whenever I am down there I feel like I am Dominican. I love the food there and every time I go down there I learn my way around the city better. I fit in so well that when I was there in December, my parents and I were walking along the street and someone stopped and asked me for directions. Unfortunately, I didn't know the street he was looking for. I did find out later, so if it happens again I'm prepared.

I think what has helped H and me have a successful relationship so far is that we have been honest with each other and have maintained good communication. She still doesn't speak much English, but she is learning. We talk primarily in Spanish, and probably always will. Also, we both have the same faith, which has helped us through some tough times. My understanding of the Dominican culture also helps, and will help me to help her make the transition to life in the US when we get married. I love her for who she is, and she loves me for who I am. I can't imagine my life without her.

[nidioswife]

Many of you know me from years ago.. prolly about 6 years ago.. My husband and I have been married for 5 years..

We've had a VERY rocky hard start.. and we've hit a lot of bumps in the road.. but I will tell you.. never once have I thought he wasn't in-love with ME, and not the idea of coming to America..

I think it's very possible to find true love in the Dominican Republic, but you DO have to really be careful.. I have seen many people get burned.. it's very sad!

My husband is the best thing in the world that ever happened to me.. We have two beautiful kids, and I can't wait to have more with him.. He's a wonderful guy!

JenNY

[Bricker]

I'm newly registered to the forums, although I've been reading the DR1 news summaries for ages and have read enough of the forum posts to hopefully have a feel for things here.

In any event, just to add to the stories... I'm a US citizen, married for three years to a Dominicana, and we have a two-year-old son. We are very happy together, and very much made for each other.

I will happily grant, though, that ours is not the most typical story. We met in Minneapolis, for one thing! My wife was a lawyer, although non-practicing, in the DR; she worked for the British Embassy. My father-in-law is very active in the Knights of Columbus, a charitable fraternal organization, and so am I. That's what brought both my bride and me to Minneapolis: the annual meeting of the governing body of the Knights was held there that year.

So many of the trouble signs mentioned here and elsewhere simply didn't exist -- in fact, my wife and I have talked about mis-matched marriages at length, since she worked visa approvals for the UK during her time at the embassy and was well-acquainted with the sorts of couples that appear.

She had never even considered leaving the country until I came along, and it was my greatest good fortune that I was able to persuade her to leave her friends and family behind and come with me.

Anyway - ours is unquestionably a successful relationship story, albeit not a typical one. But just thought I'd share...

- Rick

[prettyhands]

To Lore & the others that have or know people that have had successful relationships marrying someone from the DR,

It can haappen regardless of the poison that people try to implant in other peoples minds. it's great to hear about the successful relationships.

In regard to the Gentleman that was originally from Texas now marrried and living in the DR, I'm sure that initial relationship could have been successful, but you can't remove someone from a loving enviroment and put them in an isolated environment, and expect them to be happy. It's take more than, love, great sex, and money to keep someone happy.

People from the DR, are some of the most loving people I have ever met (Outside of the hotel industry). My fiance's family & friends are beautiful. I am fortunate to have met such lovely people, they are completely unguarded and unpretentious...Gucci, Prada, and Ralph Lauren are not part of their vocabulary.