Be Gentle, I'm New

[solena]

Hello--
I'm new to this site. I posted a thread yesterday that I should have researched in a different way so I am going to try again with something a bit more personal. My story is that I have a little baby dominicana. I studied Spanish in school and have incredible desire to go to the DR as well as PR and Cuba, but there are many things about my daughter's father I do not understand... it is a challenge to get involved with a culture so different from my own but also very rewarding. The biggest challenge has been me coming from a very liberated background and him having definite sexism ingrained in him. The other challenge is the non-committment thing from him. All cultures have committment-phobes but the American men I've been involved with tend to disfavor stringing along and are very direct when they want the relationship to end. It's hard to want to be a family with my child's father but also know it just may not be feasable. Any advice?? Thank you!!!!!

[Larry]

I am sorry but in a nutshell, it soulds like your childs father does not want to be very involved in your lives. So what are you asking here? Are you trying to figure out how to create a "family" with a father who is not interested?

Larry

[AnnaC]

We'll try this again

Welcome to DR1

Although it may seem that the DR is a male dominated country, not all men are the same. Committment is a personal thing and has nothing to do with nationality. Mas o menos

Fidelity is a different matter ,some men can be committed to the relationship but not necessarily faithful to their mate ( by what I have read here on DR1). So you should have a good talk to your man and find out what this relationship means to him. And how committed he will be to his family. Never make excusses because of someone's nationality.

[Vegas1973]

Originally Posted by Anna Coniglio

We'll try this again

Welcome to DR1

Although it may seem that the DR is a male dominated country, not all men are the same. Committment is a personal thing and has nothing to do with nationality. Mas o menos

Fidelity is a different matter ,some men can be committed to the relationship but not necessarily faithful to their mate ( by what I have read here on DR1). So you should have a good talk to your man and find out what this relationship means to him. And how committed he will be to his family. Never make excusses because of someone's nationality.

That is really good advice Anna!It hit the nail on the head!

[TEHAMA]

Sounding a bit like Ann Landers, Anna. Very good advice.
TEHAMA

[solena]

Originally Posted by Larry

I am sorry but in a nutshell, it soulds like your childs father does not want to be very involved in your lives. So what are you asking here? Are you trying to figure out how to create a "family" with a father who is not interested?

Larry

It's a tough call, Larry. We talk almost every day and he says he wants to be a family but feels inadequate-- he has put the ball in my court since the get go and I moved away from him so it's all about me. I feel if he weren't interested he wouldn't call. I think he's young and lacks financial resources and feels ashamed and bad about it.

[solena]

Originally Posted by Anna Coniglio

We'll try this again

Welcome to DR1

Although it may seem that the DR is a male dominated country, not all men are the same. Committment is a personal thing and has nothing to do with nationality. Mas o menos

Fidelity is a different matter ,some men can be committed to the relationship but not necessarily faithful to their mate ( by what I have read here on DR1). So you should have a good talk to your man and find out what this relationship means to him. And how committed he will be to his family. Never make excusses because of someone's nationality.

Yes, Anna. I fully agree with you. We've been involved for 2 years and have gotten a feel for each other's emotions/moods/desires/dreams. We've had "the talk" several times. I guess it's all about my willingness to either hang in there with him or move on. THAT is the problem. It is very difficult when a child is involved. He's made it clear that it's my decision. Whenever I've tried to end it, he can't take it and hooks me back in... so maybe this post is about my disfunction.

[bailarin]

Well I have to say that yes the cultural aspect and having 2 different upbringings makes matters a challenge. My husband and I have now been married for 3 years and we have an 8mth old boy. I am Canadian but was raised by European parents. To say the least it has been a rough roller coaster ride. Finances has always been an issue and its hard because we see things differently (ie my husband feels you cant take your money into your coffin when you die)-true to a certain extent but I like to live for manana and saving for a rainy day!!! We have had "the talk" several times because sometimes I feel he's just not as responsible a dad as he could be and should sacrifice more but who knows. I guess sometimes I wonder if because he was raised by grandma and not his parents who are married to other people whether that has an effect on things now???
Anyways it is tough but I guess you have to decide what you are prepared to handle and what you feel is the kind of life you want your child to have!!!

[solena]

Originally Posted by bailarin

Well I have to say that yes the cultural aspect and having 2 different upbringings makes matters a challenge. My husband and I have now been married for 3 years and we have an 8mth old boy. I am Canadian but was raised by European parents. To say the least it has been a rough roller coaster ride. Finances has always been an issue and its hard because we see things differently (ie my husband feels you cant take your money into your coffin when you die)-true to a certain extent but I like to live for manana and saving for a rainy day!!! We have had "the talk" several times because sometimes I feel he's just not as responsible a dad as he could be and should sacrifice more but who knows. I guess sometimes I wonder if because he was raised by grandma and not his parents who are married to other people whether that has an effect on things now???
Anyways it is tough but I guess you have to decide what you are prepared to handle and what you feel is the kind of life you want your child to have!!!

Thank you so much, Bailarin!!!! It was so nice to get a compassionate, understanding response. I appreciate you taking the time to hear my story. Thanks again!

[simpson Homer]

It's really hard your situation! but I don't think is that bad.

Could be culture problems, financial and distance about him living far from you "I guess" well don't push him to do something that he doesn't want because it has a reason.

1 - He might be with somebody else already "You never don't know"
2 - You never tryied to take him home with you.
3 - He has kids with other woman.

I might be wrong but actually this buddy all he does is call you for money and that's it, taking advantage from you.

You have to see the facts why he doesn't want to be with you.

Has you ever live with him before and for how long ?

Do you send him money ?

I don't think that financially he will be the father of you child taking responsabilities.

I don't want to sound mean just telling you the true and some facts why he doesn't want to be with you.

If you want to hear my direct advice I will tell you "Get a new guy exactly where you are"

Sorry for your situation but leave him alone try to make your live with out him who knows if he might come back to you but don't wait for him.
you has being used for him read all about Sanky Panky or Sankie, I few thing sound funny but they are real also do some research in google you might find a lot of stuff about Sankies in Dominican Rep.

You are not the only one who has being thrue this.
Many woman bring those guy to Canada, US, Europe then the guy escape.

From the heart of:

Homer J. Simpson