Apparently I'm not having sex...

Robert · #1 02-04-2005, 09:34 AM

I found this the otherday and thought is was very funny!

-----------------

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted
new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for
each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out
a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how
to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of
the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

jruane44 · #2 02-04-2005, 10:23 AM

A copy of this will look great on my refridgerator.

Larry · #3 02-04-2005, 11:17 AM

That was a good one.

Larry

stallion · #4 02-04-2005, 11:59 AM

Good story Robert. Hey maybe you should publish your story on listin diario. Just kidding. Enjoyed reding the post.

yvette · #5 02-04-2005, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robert

I found this the otherday and thought is was very funny!

-----------------

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted
new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for
each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out
a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how
to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of
the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

'Touche' Robert, I needed that laugh!

Yvette

MerengueDutchie · #6 02-06-2005, 06:10 PM

great joke... might give it a try in real life...

Jersey Devil · #7 02-08-2005, 09:56 AM

Great post. Now that's funny.

JD

gilbert · #8 02-24-2005, 06:03 AM

hahahaha, i mean, jajajaja, great post card

lilsam · #9 03-01-2005, 08:53 AM

Everyone wanted to know why I was laughing so hard at work that was a good one Robert....

santousa · #10 03-01-2005, 09:44 PM

Robert
I found this the otherday and thought is was very funny!

-----------------

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted
new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for
each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out
a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how
to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of
the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Robert,

I do not know if you will agree with me but on my opinion the only whoman in the world that could have sex with a man whenever and wherever the man wants to have sex with the whoman is a prostitute.
I think it was a great example of that men not always think with their head. If both of you are satisfied with the relationships like this i mean that are based on the prinsiple no honey-no money that is OK. But if she is not? Think again.