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Originally Posted by TorontoBlonde
I am new to DR. I have been living here for about 3 weeks. My realtionship didn't work out with the boy that I had been with on a previous vacation. Now I'm here to live for a year or so. I am seeing another boy. He is very nice to me. Not a sankie pankie. He has a car and money and loves to show me affection anywhere and everywhere. The only thing is he runs with a bad crowed and I find him being very jealous. He goes to the discos alot and if any boys looks at me or talks to me he is all over me asking who are the what are they saying. He has even gone to the extreme to say if cheat on him he will kill me. I don't know him that well he doesn't seem like the violent type even tho he sometimes poses or talks like he is. I'm getting scared as I am staying in a small town and everyone knows everyones buisness. For example my friend and I poped by to see our friend "Tony" and my boyfriend some how new I was there and freaked out siad he doesn't like "tony" and he never wants me to talk to him again.
I don't know what to do??? I don't want to get in over my head. If I break it off wo knows what he will do.
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Toronto Blonde
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First of all, thanks for listening and for reaching out.
Now it's time for us (who claim to give advices) to put our "gloves on" becasue if you notice her last words, "help" , you can see that she is reaching out!.
The "thing" that really surprised me was when you wote that he, jokingly, tells you that he would kill you.
1- Listen, it does not matter if he is telling you jokingly or not, he has no right to tell you that. All he is doing is that he is trying to see your reaction when he tells you that. If he sees that you are getting mad at him for saying that, he will backpedal and say that he was only joking. All he is doing is "testing the waters" to see how far he can push you. Big red flag. DROP HIM!!
2- He runs with a bad crowd?. Well, as the old saying goes: "tell me with whom you hang and I will tell you who you are". He is, most probably, exactly the same as his crowd. If you see that they are no good, there's a big chance that he is no good also. Big red flag. DROP HIM!!
3- He is very jealous?. Well, as my MOM used to say: jealousy is just another name for insecurity. EVERYTHING between you and him should be "rosey" at this stage of the relationship. If he is already forbitting(?) you talk to others is because he is very insecure and he is trying to control your life. If you let him, he WILL try to control all your movements. He talks 'tough" because he is trying to intimidate you. He talks that way because he wants you to know that if you do anything to him, he would hurt you. Remember that if this is the way that he treats you now, IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE AS TIME PASSES BY. Big red flag. DROP HIM!!.
4- You are scared?. Wel, listen to your senses. If you think that he will hurt you, mention it to someone that has no relation to him, even if it's your neighbors. Make people aware that you are scared and that he is the one that is scaring you. Whatever you do, and no matter how he treats you from now on, you have to realize that all he is doing is trying to control and manipulate you. He is trying to control you mind and thoughts. If you let him "plant the seed", he will control you completely!. Red flag. DROP HIM.
5- He has a car and money". So did Ted Bundy, Christan Brando and most of the people have have killed just "for the heck of it". Get my point?. Anybody can be a lunatic, rich, poor or whatever.
Btw, I did asked you something to which you did not reponded, "what's your hurry?". You have to do your part to help yourself. You started dating this "boy" a few days after leaving the other "boy" and maybe that is the reason as to why he is trying to control you. Maybe he is thinking that you will do the same to him. You need to stop this nonsense. Help yourself by not putting yourself in situations where someone can hurt you. You have been in the DR about 3 weeks and all this drama with 2 guys already can bite you in the axx.
Act now before it's too late. Drop that jack axx because what you see now is just a preview of what will happen later, only worse. You need to act like you respect yourself in order for others to respect you. I know that you are young but, as I told you before, enjoy the country and keep in mind that you do not need a man by your side in order to do all you want to do. I know that you are on the "rebound" but you are putting yourself in a position that it will only hurt you. The longer you are with him, the more rights he will think that he has over you.
Not, it's up to you. Do you want to keep on living the way you are right now, with being scare and all, or do you want to change your surroundings?. If you want to change your surroundings, drop him before the situation gets worse. If you don't, I promise you that IT WILL get worse.
Side note: HE WILL ONLY TREAT YOU AS BAD AS YOU LET HIM!. If you want to end things with him, put your foot down and tell him, DIPLOMATICLY, that there are many things that you don't like about him and then DROP HIM, again, very DIPLOMATICLY!!!. You are also to blame for what is happening to you. If you keep going the way you are, your dominican "adventure" WILL become a dominican "nightmare". Conduct yourself well and people WILL respect you!.
I am 120% sure that before you know it and when you are not looking for it, a true, proud and decent dominican will find you!. DON'T RUSH IT!!!!!
Be well and slow down before you crash!!!!!.
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