My story... any input appreciated.

cheesupleezu · #1 05-15-2006, 12:13 PM

Hi all (this is long so only continue if you are willing),

I am a first-time poster. It was recently my first time dating a Dominican. I live in Asia but there is a military base where I live with lots of Dominicans.

So I like to go out dancing to bachata, merengue, salsa, etc. and I met this Dominican guy at the club. We have been acquaintances for many months and always enjoyed dancing with each other. From the moment I saw him, I was instantly attracted to him. I never acted on it, as I was in a relationship. However, as soon as I broke up with my boyfriend last week, he asked me out so of course I eagerly accepted. We spent a couple days togther (and did NOT sleep together, just a kiss) and started discussing how it is such a shame we didn't mean sooner (I am leaving for a 6 month trip to Central America in July) and he tried to convince me to come back sooner so we could be together. On the second day he told me that he wasn't like the other Dominican guys but that he didn't want me to fall in love with him because one day he was going to get up and leave and there is nothing I can do about it. I got ****ed off and asked him why he was telling me this on the 2nd day of hanging out with him. Then he asked if I like challenges. I said it depends. I was just confused and had no idea what he was talking about.

Then the next day, I decided to look him up on myspace.com. And guess what, he was on there... pictured with his 17 year old Dominican wife and kid in New York! I was so shocked... not necessarily angry, but I laughed because I was so surprised! Here I was actually thinking I may even shorten my trip just to be with this man I was very attracted to and thought I could take seriously. I sent him a really cocky email telling him to say hello to his wife and kids and he still thinks to this day somebody told me... haha, thank goodness for myspace. I am so glad I found out now and not months later. I would have been devastated.

He tried to explain that he really did want to tell me the truth when he told me not to fall in love with him but that it just wasn't the right time. He said he always had this attraction for me that led him to do what he knew was wrong and also begged me to give him a chance as a friend. At first I firmly told him to **** off but then I started feeling a little empathetic and thought, well maybe I could be his friend?? He seems like he might actually be a nice guy who just wants a companion for these next 2 years he is separated from his wife. I will surely NOT fulfill that role knowing he is married but I started thinking I would be willing to meet him again just to try to form some sort of friendship. I guess I am wondering, is he a total sleaze that has more schemes up his sleeve or maybe he is genuine in spite of the fact that he cheats on his wife? There is also the fact that I am attracted to him and maybe meeting him again at all would just complicate matters?

Anyways, I guess it doesn't really matter much but I do want to learn more about men in Latin culture as I have a deep interest in Latin America and plan on spending a lot of time there. (I went to Brazil for 6 months and the men were this way but I guess there is always more to learn).

Thanks guys, sorry for the mega long post.

M.A.R. · #2 05-15-2006, 12:19 PM

Dominican men always cheat. Things will definitly get complicated if you see him again. If you want a fling that's what u gonna get and is your decision but I get the feeling you'll get hurt at the end, women always lose in situations like these.

AnnaC · #3 05-15-2006, 12:22 PM

Well if you are attracted to him it's best to stay away and find your own guy and make a life for yourself.

If you pursue this and become his mistress for the next two years not only are you wasting your life but you'll have your heart ripped right out when he leaves. Do you really want to be the other women?

Dragonfly32837 · #4 05-15-2006, 12:24 PM

If you still have feelings for him and become his friend there is a big possibility that it will turn into something else. I would just walk the other way.

blitz · #5 05-16-2006, 01:36 AM

I definately agree with the others here who have said that being friends with him, with your admitted attraction, will only lead to a lot of hurt and pain for you down the road.

You are already past the point of being able to have a no strings attached kind of fling. That's apparent because you are already emotionally attached!! (hence your post here)

It's a tough situtation to be in, but I think your leaving for SA is a good thing. It will make it much easier for you to forget and MOVE ON!!

shootingstar2790 · #6 05-16-2006, 08:34 AM

my heart breaks every time i hear a story like that..... girls get hurt far to often in these situations from what ive been reading on here. (having experienced it myself when i was down there for vacation and met som "fun" animation staff to hang out with) but my advice would be to walk away from it and yes i think that going to SA will definatly help you move on!

Angel_04 · #7 05-16-2006, 09:54 AM

Chica, come on now.. as everyone has said--you don't want to be anyone's seconds. This guy is not worth the stress... (cos that is what any type of relationship with him will cause you...)

He's a liar and a cheater--stay far away from him!

p.s how old is this guy who has a 17 year old wife?

cheesupleezu · #8 05-16-2006, 10:23 AM

Thank you so much everyone for all your helpful replies... yes you are all right, it would be nothing but trouble to even try to be "friends" with this guy since I apparently still have feelings for him... it is sad but I have to let go before it gets worse. I am so glad and feel blessed to have found out he was married before this went any further.

Angel, he is only 20... so the fact that he has a 17 year old wife is not that shocking I guess but they have a kid together so it just seems so young for all of that to me! (I am 23.) Cultural difference I suppose.

In terms of moving on (and being in Latin America), I just hope I don't continually find myself in situations like this. It seems impossible to not get intimately involved with anybody while I am there but I really could do with out the heartbreak...

something_of_the_night · #9 05-16-2006, 11:28 AM

You say that Dominican men will always cheat. That's nonsense.

M.A.R. is wrong. Most of us don't cheat.

M.A.R. · #10 05-16-2006, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by something_of_the_night

You say that Dominican men will always cheat. That's nonsense.

M.A.R. is wrong. Most of us don't cheat.

aja ok cuentame otro cuento para creertelo.
ok most dominican men cheat which includes all the ones I know, but of course except you.