How close is too close?

[skyblue]

patricia, dominican parents (as many latin parents) are this way. please be prudent and talk to your b/f b/c it's only going to get worse with time. don't let them manipulate you and get ready for a rough ride as you will be looked at as the Bitch. bueno, good luck, be strong, and now YOU can be his mamma!!!!

(don't even think about living with them!)

[Patricia115]

Sorry I forgot to mention that my boyfriend is Dominican. I was getting some great insight on the issue and I hope more people will respond. Thanks!

[Hillbilly]

The relationship you describe is quite typical among Dominican families. This is the ultima mommy case. The situation will never change, ever. the man is still the mommy's little boy and he can do no evil--even is he is a total schitt, he is mommy's angel...

If you cannot get used to this or this just rubs you the wrong way, I think you had better get out of the relationship ASAP. It will never change, and if you marry the guy, you will become competition for mommy....and you will lose ...

See the picture "Throw Momma off the Train???" ......that is what you will be thinking every day of your married life...

HB

[Alyonka]

I am not Dominican, but that is the reason why I never wanted to marry a man from my own country - we have the same thing - children have to be close with parents You can learn how to ignore it and not get irritated if you want to be with him... But you have to be nice to his Mom: ask her what he likes, how to cook for him, etc. It is important for her. She needs to trust that you will take care of her baby. Otherwise your relationship might be over soon. Definitely - do not agree to live with them! Sometimes such mommies feel that their boys should not be helping out their wives around the house, doing anything in the kitchen, etc. They get involved into everything - it is not good for a couple. Be very careful talking with him about her, she was there before he met you, she will always be his mom.

[M.A.R.]

Wow it sounds soooo familiar, My mother in law is just as you described your mother in law. Her other son moved out and just bought a ring for his girlfriend and before he could propose she went and told the girlfriend about the ring. Mind you the girl was soooo angry with her.

My advice is that you talk to your husband about the situation, very delicatly, cause he might take sides and feel like you don't like his family. You must explain how you feel and that things are different now, you must have room to grow as a couple, but don't say anything negative about his family though. He should understand if not then he needs a lot of maturing to do.

[2dlight]

if you marry your boyfriend. My wife is Puerto Rican, I'm Dominican. We had the family intrusion issue(from both sides) when we got married, so we moved from NYC to Los Angeles. My mother and my mother-in-law eventually followed us to California, but by then, enough time had passed that it precluded any "mothering" behavior from them. Now we all get along just fine.
We've been married 32 years. It can work, but, you and your mate have to be willing to stand your ground.

[Emma22]

Sounds a tad "claustrophobic" indeed!! Tread with caution in raising the issue and if no "joy" in making agreement that your relationship is seperate from (loving I'm sure) family I personally would walk...but then, maybe you're more tolerant than I??? ATB anyway - such "lap sitting" would turn my gut (!!) so I wish you luck!! Emma

Edit to add: *nods* I've seen "Throw Momma off the train"...not a good image for any happy future (and I don't believe the horror of that Momma even went as far as "lap sitting" either!!!)

[Berzin]

This may sound a little harsh, but its' YOUR relationship with him, not his family that counts. So sit him down(hes' not a little child I am presuming) and tell him that for your relationship to work, there needs to be SPACE between all of you. Enough for YOU to feel comfortable, not him.

Because this is how it will go down-you will lose every argument. Everytime something goes down and baby does'nt get his way, mommy will be there to pick up the pieces. She will tell you that nothing you do is good enough for her baby boy. And forget about having children, because your mothering skills will be criticized to no end. And the phone conversations-they will be talking about YOU most of the time, so if this is what you want don't say nobody told you.

You have the right to have space between you and them, and if he does'nt like it tell him to get it over with and just marry his mother instead.

Just because this is supposedly typical behavior for dominicans does'nt mean it has to continue or be tolerated.

Don't sugarcoat it or run around it. If he becomes defensive and takes it as an attack on his family then you really have to ask yourself if this person is really concerned with your happiness. So remember a few years down the road when the invetible breakup occurs that Berzin told you so. And WHEN you break up, it will be YOUR fault.

5 cents please!!!!
Off-topic, but VERRRRRRRRRY important-I'm Gold, baby!! GOLD!!!! I forgot to celebrate my 500th post!!!!!! Man, that's alot of advice dished out...I'm worn out...think I'll go rest...in Sosua...yeah, that's the ticket....with a Presidente in one hand...and a WHORE in the other!!!!

[Emma22]

Berzin - I agree 100% with your post. YUP! As far as "Gold" goes though - What's with that? I'm a member of another forum that dishes out "stars" and people (I SWARE!!) "bump" threads just to get another post towards another "star"...I am very much CLEARLY missing something aren't I??? WHY does it matter???? Have a Presidente on me anybody that explains this star/gold/silver/whatever thing...DOES it matter??? IF so I was last in the queue when this understanding was dished-out!!! ATB! Emma

[Alyonka]

In terms of "Gold", "Silver", "Bronze" - is that a number of posts or how valuable they are ? If everything that was posted here was given and taken as serious advice ...