Question for Veterans: adjusting to new culture

Topper · #1 10-22-2006, 04:46 PM

So I'm new in the country and have been here bout a month. Single, crom California, in my late 20s.

I met a girl and have gone out on a few dates with her, but I CANNOT get a "read." I dont know if it is a thing with the culture or if Im just 'clueless'.

So Im asking you. Here are the facts:

The first time we met up, she was with friends. She was very warm -- holding my hand, dancing with me. But the night ended early.

For our planned second date, she didnt pick up her phone. Wrote me an email a couple of weeks (!) later that her phone was lost, but now she had found it.

Third date, we went to a movie. Her friends came along again. (Paid their own way, I paid hers.) She held my hand in front of them, was very warm, etc. Meanwhile, Im thinking she might really like me. She was very affectionate.

Fourth date, she invites me inside to meet her mother and father. Tells me she rarely does this. The whole date she talks about things we should do together in the future.

Now Im really getting into this girl. She is beautiful, I find myself thinking about her all the time, etc. She is educated and cultured. Our conversations are full and rewarding. Did I mention she is beautiful?

So those are the dates. Its the in-between time that is schizophrenic. There must have been 5 times I have called her cell and she wont pick up. She wont even call back. She has cancelled several evenings' plans. I get the sense that if I dont take ALL the initiative, make the plans, call her four times -- including one to confirm that very evening -- I wouldnt ever see her again. And even when I do take all the initiative, there is a chance she might not be able to make it.

Maybe im a fool. If this were California, I would be SURE the girl wasn't into me, and would painfully move on. The not-returned calls? The cancelled plans? The zero initiative? Clear signals, right?

And yet... people also tell me about how passive dominican women are. About how aggressive dominican men are. Is this par for the course? Do I need to pursue her to the point of stalking? (kidding about the stalking, but you get my point

I feel out of my element here. I dont want to quit on this girl. But dont know how to read her signals, through the culture gap. Does she expect me to call a hundred times to pursue her, or is she trying to shake me?

Any help?

mountainfrog · #2 10-22-2006, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Topper

...Any help?

Not much.

Tranquilo.
Patience.
Don't push things.

Everything here goes its Caribbean way.

m'frog

stallion · #3 10-22-2006, 05:23 PM

Buddy don't stress over a girl. Move on and find another. Girls there should be calling you and stalking you all the time. Maybe she dind't like the fact that you did not pay for all her friends to the movie. In DR it's not like the US, where people are independent. She probably thinks you are cheap and her friend's did not like you. You should have went out with her alone. When I am in the DR and I go out to the movies with a girl and she brings a amiga. I pay for them both, but the second date I take her out alone. Just tell her you are a grown man and you wanna date her, not her and all her friends.
anyways dont fall in love so soon and good luck.

Audra · #4 10-22-2006, 05:25 PM

Sounds to me like you're not her only boyfriend.
Back off a little and let her do the chasing.
In the meantime, find another girl to occupy your time.

Never put all your eggs in one basket.

mountainfrog · #5 10-22-2006, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stallion

.... In DR it's not like the US, where people are independent..... You should have went out with her alone. ... but the second date I take her out alone....

A (young) girl of good reputation will not go out alone with a man after a short time...
So it need not be a bad sign after all.

As I said, time will tell whether it's a good catch.

m'frog

AZB · #6 10-22-2006, 05:42 PM

stallion and audrav are right on the money. she seems like she has other admirars with more money than you. Thats why she doesn't pick up the phone when you call. reason: she is with the other guy (s).
She didn't like the fact that you only paid for her when in fact you wnet out with her friends. Men pay for everything when they are out with girls. You embarrassed her in front of her friends.
Now I am sure you must really worship the girl thats why she is bored with you now. I think you should move on and learn from your mistakes.
AZB

Topper · #7 10-22-2006, 05:45 PM

thanks. will cool it down a bit. but damn, if you could see her! lol...

jaguarbob · #8 10-22-2006, 06:35 PM

believe us when we say there are 50,000 more beautiful women here or more...
cool it\
bob

ahogachivo · #9 10-22-2006, 06:49 PM

she may be planning to take you 4 a ride, let her be find urself another girl if you want to have a great time i will hook you up with my cousins pretty much around ur same age they party alot and girls wont be a problem send a email for more info Ahogachivo@yahoo.com.

Berzin · #10 10-22-2006, 09:55 PM

You are a fish out of water, so listen up. Do not let this girl get the better of you because dominican women do not respect this. Every time you call and she does'nt pick up she's with another guy, guaranteed. You need to consider this thoughtfully.

So she's pretty-so what? You'll get over her looks soon enough when you get tired of the missed phone calls and broken dates. This may be difficult for you to understand but a beautiful girl is not the type you want a relationship with in the DR-get a girl who is nice looking but nothing special and worry more about her personality and how she treats YOU. The beautiful ones are the ones you fool around with on the side.

If she's beautiful she knows she can get away with treating you the way she does. Don't let her. Oh, and by the way, since you are NOT dominican, let them think you're cheap for not paying her friends' way. You just tell her in plain language that you don't do that PERIOD. If her friends want a free night out tell them to go get their boyfriends.

I understand that you are new to the country but that does not mean you have to be weak. Affirm yourself, go out with other girls and lie to them all. You'll be dominicanized in no time and you'll have better looking babes falling all over you in no time if that's what you want.