Is a satisfied Dominican man possible?

SaraMS594 · #1 12-11-2006, 01:06 AM

Let me start this thread by explaining myself as I am new to the forum. I have been in a five year relationship with my Dominican boyfriend, and we have lived together for about 2 years. I'm content with the relationship, although, I get a bit concerned when his typical Dominican male "traits" show through. I read these post, and it makes me even more so. He was born and raised in DR until he was 17, and he came to the US and has not been back to his country since then. He is a citizen, and doing well for himself-- so he needs me by no means. He also pretty good care of me (No bills!!!) As for me, I am a 19-year old (yes, a baby... and, yes, he found me very young!) Italian-American female. I am 5'8", about 120 lbs, olive skin, long caramel hair and big brown eyes. I attend college for Marketing. Work 40 hours a week. I speak very good Spanish, dance merengue and bachata (learning salsa!). I am often compared to looking very similar to (a younger version) Viviana of Guerra de los Sexos gameshow. Not to mention that I have moved 4 times in the past 2 years to follow him after recieving job offers.

Women ask me WHAT I see in him, and men often ask me HOW he got me, as he is not that spectacular looking. But, I don't see this and still treat him like a king. He is also NOT complaining in the bedroom department, and I don't hold sex for ransom (as I saw someone claim in a different post American girls do)... But... I am writing this post because I have doubts, and sometimes wonder "What more could he ask for???"

He has 3 kids (none with me!), lacks respect for me on occasion, distances himself from me, and goes to a nearby bar sometimes 3 nights a week. I give him plenty of freedom, and allow him to go out. But when he comes home at 2:00am and I am not there until 1-2 hours later, he goes on a power rampage that I even went out to start with! I come from a culture that the WOMEN is superior and runs the house, and I know that many Domincans are raised the exact opposite. So I try to meet him somewhere in the middle, as equals... but he is not meeting me halfway... And it is starting to wear on me. Part of me is telling me to turn and run the other way! But I am afraid that I am making preconcieved notions based on stereotypes and advice from unreputable sources... So since it seems like this board has good feedback, I am choosing to see what you guys can gather from this situation!

Is it possible for a Dominican man to be satsfied with a girl like me and to be with ONLY one woman??? Do I have good basis to be concerned????

tk toronto · #2 12-11-2006, 01:44 AM

I don't know about the whole Dominican man thing, but I'll answer your second question, whether you have a good basis to be concerned. Yes, a very good basis.

I think his controlling behaviour is VERY problematic, I mean staying out til whenever and then getting angry when you do the same. That's just an insecure man. Period.

3 children? How old is he? I guess it's a little late to think about that now, but whenever I date anyone, I try to avoid men with children. At my age and at your age, you don't need to be dealing with that kind of drama.

That's great that he pays the bills, but are you willing to overlook all his flaws because of this?

If he disrespects you on ANY occasion, he is not worthy of your time. Why would he be disrespecting you, the mother of his child? Ridiculous. If he is disrespecting you, he needs to be dismissed from your life.

I have nothing against bars, but 3 times a week? Why? And if he is into going out to bars, why aren't you with him on some of these occasions? Why does it have to be without you? Just because he pays the bills does not mean he just does whatever he pleases, he has responsiblities now (hence your child together)

You both come from different cultures, but if he can't meet you halfway, then he is plain selfish. Selfish people are worthless and even more worthless as someone else's life partner.

I don't think this is about preconceived notions about Dominican men, this is about whether or not his behaviour should make you worried, and it should. Don't ignore signs for fears of not being politically correct or being stereotypical. I don't like to stereotype particular people either, but this is a situation where you have to worry about yourself and your child.

Hopefully you figure out what's best for you and your child. Good luck. Hope I've helped.

2LeftFeet · #3 12-11-2006, 01:55 AM

Sara!!

There are a lot of things to be said here. I don't know if any of this has to do with him being Dominican. How old is he? Where are you from? Why are you there? I don't want too sound preachy but you settled down much too quickly. You're 19 years old and you've been with him for 5 years?? He has 3 children? Where have your parents been thoughout this?

Honey you are selling yourself short. RUUUUUN! You are too young. You should be enjoying your life. Not being tied down to him.
Also, if you know that it's going to incite him that you're not home after he gets home at 2AM why are you doing that? If he isn't hitting you now he soon will be.

It's time to leave.

Don Juan · #4 12-11-2006, 06:32 AM

He has three kids. None with you. Does he support them? Where are they?
He goes to the bar 3 times a week. for what? to get drunk? Look for other women? He comes home at 2 in the morning and you're not there. Where do YOU go? To a club? To look for men? What?
You come from a culture where women are SUPERIOR? and run the house? Excuse me?!

You ask: "Is it possible for a Dominican man to be satisfied with a girl like me and be with ONLY one woman?" Why? is he seeing other women? The mother of his children?

"Satisfied with a girl LIKE me?" Why? Is there something WRONG with you?

What's keeping you there with him? Is it the sex part? insecurity on your part? What do you need him for? to pay the bills? What, what, what?

When you come up with answers to all these questions, you'll know exactly what to do!

margaret · #5 12-11-2006, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaraMS594

Let me start this thread by explaining myself as I am new to the forum. I have been in a five year relationship with my Dominican boyfriend, and we have lived together for about 2 years. I'm content with the relationship, although, I get a bit concerned when his typical Dominican male "traits" show through. I read these post, and it makes me even more so. He was born and raised in DR until he was 17, and he came to the US and has not been back to his country since then. He is a citizen, and doing well for himself-- so he needs me by no means. He also pretty good care of me (No bills!!!) As for me, I am a 19-year old (yes, a baby... and, yes, he found me very young!) Italian-American female. I am 5'8", about 120 lbs, olive skin, long caramel hair and big brown eyes. I attend college for Marketing. Work 40 hours a week. I speak very good Spanish, dance merengue and bachata (learning salsa!). I am often compared to looking very similar to (a younger version) Viviana of Guerra de los Sexos gameshow. Not to mention that I have moved 4 times in the past 2 years to follow him after recieving job offers.

Women ask me WHAT I see in him, and men often ask me HOW he got me, as he is not that spectacular looking. But, I don't see this and still treat him like a king. He is also NOT complaining in the bedroom department, and I don't hold sex for ransom (as I saw someone claim in a different post American girls do)... But... I am writing this post because I have doubts, and sometimes wonder "What more could he ask for???"

He has 3 kids (none with me!), lacks respect for me on occasion, distances himself from me, and goes to a nearby bar sometimes 3 nights a week. I give him plenty of freedom, and allow him to go out. But when he comes home at 2:00am and I am not there until 1-2 hours later, he goes on a power rampage that I even went out to start with! I come from a culture that the WOMEN is superior and runs the house, and I know that many Domincans are raised the exact opposite. So I try to meet him somewhere in the middle, as equals... but he is not meeting me halfway... And it is starting to wear on me. Part of me is telling me to turn and run the other way! But I am afraid that I am making preconcieved notions based on stereotypes and advice from unreputable sources... So since it seems like this board has good feedback, I am choosing to see what you guys can gather from this situation!

Is it possible for a Dominican man to be satsfied with a girl like me and to be with ONLY one woman??? Do I have good basis to be concerned????

Well 5 years living together is like a marriage, maybe you might talk to him and see if he'll agree to go for counselling with you where you will both discuss the relationship and your future with the help of a professional. Personally I think you shouldn't ask us, 99.9% will say it will never work yet you've put in 5 years together. That's an accomplishment. Talk to him, talk to a professional. Good luck.

margaret · #6 12-11-2006, 08:14 AM

Hold on a minute, I had my coffee. Now I had think... sort of. You started this relationship at 14! You thought you were a woman then, but honey you were a little girl. You moved in together at 16, now you're 18 and smarter and wiser. I'm suprised your parents didn't kill him (they must be second generation)

But now you have to think hard about your future, because he's lost interest. It happens to the most beautifual, most inteligent woman... it's not you, it's him. Get some counselling so you can think clearly. Invite him if you want to make it work. It was good while it lasted, you have your whole life ahead of you. Go to school.

Audra · #7 12-11-2006, 08:23 AM

I hope you're 24 now not 19.

You got together too young. If you care about this man though, take Margaret's advice and see if you can go for councelling. You have no ties to this man, his kids are not yours (at 19 you have 3 inherited kids - yikes, you're a kid yourself), leave, sounds to me like you have your head on your shoulders getting an education and working towards your career.

Could be after 5 years your relationship may have run its course and the honeymoon is over.

Kyle · #8 12-11-2006, 08:28 AM

this sounds like a no-brainer. hit the road jack and don't ya come back no more no more !!!

margaret · #9 12-11-2006, 08:35 AM

She's 19 now. Too young, but not too late to take Kyle's advice. Sometimes men are right ... sometimes.

Kyle · #10 12-11-2006, 09:49 AM

i made a similar mistake around that age so i don't wish it on anyone else..