Security or Beauty?

[chuckuindy]

Originally Posted by margaret

jrf relax, she already thinks you're attractive or she wouldn't be evaluating you for a relationship. That she has a criteria is a good sign. Any woman who has given some thought to what she wants in her life she will have a criteria like that one for selecting her partner.

A lot of woman don't think about it and are ruled by their hormones and emotions. If she is looking for commitment she will look for someone who can provide that. Someone who values stability (emotional and financial) will value a man who will make her feel safe, won't hurt her, who is a good provider, and is responsible. It depends on the woman, her family education and her values. This will shape her vision for herself as a woman and her relations with men.

Some women have educational, career, family aspirations that are well-thought out and shaped in their childhood, examined and re-examined. These dreams develop in the family with the expectations of the parents. Other women, just travel through life without any vision or guidance and they have little control over the events in their life.

I think all women like someone who will take care of them (emotionally, sexually, economically). I think women like to know that when their partner goes out in the world, at the end of the day he's going to return to her. (Depending on the cultural values, she will look for someone who won't cheat on her while he's out there. But she might accept infidelity as long as he comes home to her and the family.) If he's commited and responsible, then you have security and you can have a longterm relationship. Then you have a partner you can count on to reach your mutual personal and/or family goals through thick and thin.

But yes, attraction has to be there. And if it's mutual, then there is an incredible chemistry. The attractiveness of an individual can be shaped by their physical, intellectual and emotional characteristics. I know women who say they are looking for a longterm relationship who turn down responsible, stable men based on their butt size, their lips, their lack of muscles etc. But you're a man jrf, maybe physical attraction is more important for you at the beginning but depending on your mission you might look at other characteristics for a longterm relationship. After a couple days of great sex, she's has to be a little interesting if you're going to keep her around on Monday. (Hopefully she can clean, make breakfast and pack a lunch for you as well. )

Wishing you love and happiness in 2007.

Margaret

This is one of the best posts I have ever read on DR1. Thanks Margaret.

Chuckuindy

[jrf]

Margaret,

She actually is not my girlfriend. I will be returning for a two month stay and want to get to know her during that time.
The first few times we won't even go out alone.

I am not under 25 - I wish but no-am 39.5 (ouch) but am not in any rush. Experienced enough already but glad that it has made me who I am today.

The point I was trying to make about the security issue is that we in first world countries don't even seem to need to think about things like that.
We have cars, houses, when we want something we work for it...etc.

It struck me that when you have less the critical issues come up as the most important. Like security and responsibility.
These ARE critical but not the first things we look at here (NA, UK).

I cracked up when my friend Joel (the Haitian pastor) said to me his wife is with him because of who he is inside. She is a beautiful woman. Joel said I'm not good looking but I'm not feo feo. I just had to laugh.

Sankiette I am positive she is not. Dreams of a life change-so do I. But I find she has more respect for herself than to sell herself.

[AstonVila]

Originally Posted by jrf

So I asked my friend in the RD why this girl likes me and wants to get to know me.

Well he asked her (a little junior highish but hey) and what she said was that she felt she could be safe with me, that I wouldn't hurt her, I would be a good provider, and that I was responsible.

What I wanted to hear was that she was attracted to me and wanted to be with me. A desire to be with me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about her answer but after thinking about it it was a good answer.

So many times I have thought 'Wow' she looks great and then she ends up being an idiot. Beautiful outside but not inside.

What her answer seemed to say is that she looked beyond the appearance and got to the point.

Women want security and balance and responisibility-which I am sure make the men more attractive.

Is this the case?

It's the DR, any answer from a beautiful local girl is a good answer. The real question is, do you think it's a reasonable answer. Attraction is also important.

[shadInToronto]

Originally Posted by jrf

So I asked my friend in the RD why this girl likes me and wants to get to know me.

Originally Posted by jrf

So, there's this young woman I know...(over a year now)

Church goer, young(er), pretty, seemingly responsible, and not a sankiette by any means.

Issue-speaks no spanish or english and my French stinks.

I can't get her outta my mind. This usually happens and in a few weeks it goes away. (my mind that is) ha

What to do....

So, is this chick the same as Sweet Haitiana? ... or are you just looking for trouble?

[AnnaC]

Posting to give some advice to the original poster is fine but if you post only to pick apart each others posts I'll have you all banned!!! I'm sick of this and you all know who I'm talking about.

[jrf]

Ha Anna no worries here.

Same girl yup yup.

[Kyle]

so why do you have to fall in love ? how about enjoy her company and when you get on the plane it's over until the next time ? that's how she's feeling about you...next tourist...

until i really find a good girl, it's all business to me. we meet, we talk, we ****, we say goodbye. i have too much to lose in the US worrying about a third world woman...

this may be a little harsh, but you never see me posting these sad wuss stories...

[jrf]

sad wuss stories? oh well

[suitelady79]

Originally Posted by 2LeftFeet

The more I read these posts the more I think and feel that we should not date dominicans-- it seems as though we are the meal ticket and we wind up getting hurt!---so why bother.

Seems in very rare cases-- maybe these people don't post-- that that we aren't the meal ticket.

Sorry for the late reply on this but I was in the DR for a couple of weeks...

I myself believe that there are good dominican people left who do not cheat and are not running around on their spouses or looking for meal tickets. I met 2 couples that has been together for quite some time. They work and they come home to each other at the end of the day. And they love each other and work together. I also know of an Italian guy who married a girl that worked at a resort (she's a really sweet girl) and they've been together for many years and have been living in Italy for 5 with their 3 children.

There are about 10 million people on the island and we have to be sure not to come here to DR1 and read all the horror stories about people in the DR and take that as being the whole lot of them. Like Anna has said, happy folks don't have to sit around and justify their relationship or explain to us why they are happy or why their relationship is working--they're too busy being happy with their dominican husband/wife to be worried about what we think or say. You are always going to hear more bad stories than good...it's human nature. People complain more about bad stuff in relationships than they speak about things when they are going good. I know I can go on and on about a dude when he's done me wrong but when he's doing right by me, I just sit back, keep my mouth shut and soak it all in. That's why we only hear mostly bad.

[shadInToronto]

Originally Posted by suitelady79

Sorry for the late reply on this but I was in the DR for a couple of weeks...

No "Do y'all know 'fill in his name' " thread? Don't disappoint us, please.