Security or Beauty?

jrf · #1 12-30-2006, 08:50 AM

So I asked my friend in the RD why this girl likes me and wants to get to know me.

Well he asked her (a little junior highish but hey) and what she said was that she felt she could be safe with me, that I wouldn't hurt her, I would be a good provider, and that I was responsible.

What I wanted to hear was that she was attracted to me and wanted to be with me. A desire to be with me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about her answer but after thinking about it it was a good answer.

So many times I have thought 'Wow' she looks great and then she ends up being an idiot. Beautiful outside but not inside.

What her answer seemed to say is that she looked beyond the appearance and got to the point.

Women want security and balance and responisibility-which I am sure make the men more attractive.

Is this the case?

Audra · #2 12-30-2006, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrf

So I asked my friend in the RD why this girl likes me and wants to get to know me.

Well he asked her (a little junior highish but hey) and what she said was that she felt she could be safe with me, that I wouldn't hurt her, I would be a good provider, and that I was responsible.

What I wanted to hear was that she was attracted to me and wanted to be with me. A desire to be with me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about her answer but after thinking about it it was a good answer.

So many times I have thought 'Wow' she looks great and then she ends up being an idiot. Beautiful outside but not inside.

What her answer seemed to say is that she looked beyond the appearance and got to the point.

Women want security and balance and responisibility-which I am sure make the men more attractive.

Is this the case?

To a certain degree, but there has to be physical attraction as well. There are many other factors as well, but this is a start.

shadInToronto · #3 12-30-2006, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrf

So I asked my friend in the RD why this girl likes me and wants to get to know me.

Well he asked her (a little junior highish but hey) and what she said was that she felt she could be safe with me, that I wouldn't hurt her, I would be a good provider, and that I was responsible.

Read the fine print before you sign up amigo ... she wants your money then she'll 'acquire' another guy who she finds attractive. If you don't have the complete package (i.e. looks and moolah) she will acquire both with two different guys.

Btw, why are you delegating your tasks to a friend? women don't like wusses (well, they like them as floor mats).

AnnaC · #4 12-30-2006, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrf

What her answer seemed to say is that she looked beyond the appearance and got to the point.

Women want security and balance and responisibility-which I am sure make the men more attractive.
Is this the case?

You got it buddy. We're talking about some women in the DR right? Have you noticed how many hunks and gorgeous men they have in the DR that might not be able to provide the things of life that are important to some women?

Exactly, so if things and security are more important, one needs to overlook the outer appearance and do what's best for their future and the future of their children.

2LeftFeet · #5 12-30-2006, 12:50 PM

The more I read these posts the more I think and feel that we should not date dominicans-- it seems as though we are the meal ticket and we wind up getting hurt!---so why bother.

Seems in very rare cases-- maybe these people don't post-- that that we aren't the meal ticket.

AnnaC · #6 12-30-2006, 01:07 PM

Happy people can't be bothered explaining their relationships and how it all worked out every time a newbie like yourself comes along and asks. Do a search we do have a thread, it's a stickie on good relationships but like the dog that bite the man it doesn't make the headlines.

So please do not put all Dominicans in the same mold.

Get out of this forum and go read something else besides sankie

margaret · #7 12-30-2006, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrf

So I asked my friend in the RD why this girl likes me and wants to get to know me.

Well he asked her (a little junior highish but hey) and what she said was that she felt she could be safe with me, that I wouldn't hurt her, I would be a good provider, and that I was responsible.

What I wanted to hear was that she was attracted to me and wanted to be with me. A desire to be with me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about her answer but after thinking about it it was a good answer.

So many times I have thought 'Wow' she looks great and then she ends up being an idiot. Beautiful outside but not inside.

What her answer seemed to say is that she looked beyond the appearance and got to the point.

Women want security and balance and responisibility-which I am sure make the men more attractive.

Is this the case?

jrf relax, she already thinks you're attractive or she wouldn't be evaluating you for a relationship. That she has a criteria is a good sign. Any woman who has given some thought to what she wants in her life she will have a criteria like that one for selecting her partner.

A lot of woman don't think about it and are ruled by their hormones and emotions. If she is looking for commitment she will look for someone who can provide that. Someone who values stability (emotional and financial) will value a man who will make her feel safe, won't hurt her, who is a good provider, and is responsible. It depends on the woman, her family education and her values. This will shape her vision for herself as a woman and her relations with men.

Some women have educational, career, family aspirations that are well-thought out and shaped in their childhood, examined and re-examined. These dreams develop in the family with the expectations of the parents. Other women, just travel through life without any vision or guidance and they have little control over the events in their life.

I think all women like someone who will take care of them (emotionally, sexually, economically). I think women like to know that when their partner goes out in the world, at the end of the day he's going to return to her. (Depending on the cultural values, she will look for someone who won't cheat on her while he's out there.

But she might accept infidelity as long as he comes home to her and the family.) If he's commited and responsible, then you have security and you can have a longterm relationship. Then you have a partner you can count on to reach your mutual personal and/or family goals through thick and thin.

But yes, attraction has to be there. And if it's mutual, then there is an incredible chemistry. The attractiveness of an individual can be shaped by their physical, intellectual and emotional characteristics. I know women who say they are looking for a longterm relationship who turn down responsible, stable men based on their butt size, their lips, their lack of muscles etc. But you're a man jrf, maybe physical attraction is more important for you at the beginning but depending on your mission you might look at other characteristics for a longterm relationship. After a couple days of great sex, she's has to be a little interesting if you're going to keep her around on Monday. (Hopefully she can clean, make breakfast and pack a lunch for you as well.

)

Wishing you love and happiness in 2007.

Margaret

jrf · #8 12-30-2006, 03:20 PM

Shad-you didn't dissapoint me with your response lol.

Margaret, I do agree with you 100%.
What I find is that it is true-we look for butt size or type of car but not the real issues.

We in the NA culture lifestyle don't think we need security, go after the other person because of looks or whatever, then after getting involved find out we do want security and responsibility.

We haven't even gone out and if we did it wouldn't be alone.
Two reasons: I am a gringo and like it or not it may look bad for her, and second, I don't believe she would go out alone yet anyway.

There is no relationship between us. I have known her for 6 months and am getting to know her.

I am not looking anyway. Just thought it was a refreshing answer from her other than 'papi papi mi ama'.

margaret · #9 12-30-2006, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrf

What I find is that it is true -- we look for butt size or type of car but not the real issues.
We in the NA culture lifestyle don't think we need security, go after the other person because of looks or whatever, then after getting involved find out we do want security and responsibility.

I have to disagree with this point about NA culture, I think security is still very important. ANd not everyone is looking at appearance, I have a beautiful daughter who has a complete circle of beautifuls girls around her who don't think that way. They're all in university and very conscious of consumer society, advertising and how it influences relationships.

Now as for your Dominican girlfriend, you could be her ticket out of the country. That's a possibility. But I know there are many good Dominican women who are trying to find stable, responsible guys to settle down with same as women here in NA. (There's a shortage of good men everywhere it seems according to one of my friends there.) I also have seen three cases of people looking for marriage for status purposes only and they also have a criteria for who they will "marry." THey don't want to live with a monster while they wait for their residency. So becareful, you have to get to know this person very well. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking. Under 25, take your time.

2LeftFeet · #10 12-30-2006, 03:49 PM

Hey Anna

God, I've become jaded! You're right whether that post was meant or not I am going to stay away from the Sankie posts for awhile-- even though they are quite interesting.

I can't be like this. I'm too young. When a complete stranger points out a character flaw-- it's best to listen. There is no reason for them to lie.

Thanks----It'll be a lesson learned for 2007!