marriage and kids

[jenfau]

I have 2 daughters 13 and 8 they have known about my relationship with my domincan manfriend for 4yrs they r happy that I have found a man who makes me happy.However I do know they r still children and I have wrestled with how 2 make the transition easy on them and him as well he will be here in a few months and now that we r married we need 2 live 2gether as a family but I feel even though I know him from numerous trips and phone calls on both sides and lived the life as much as I could .I seen the good and bad and we fought through our differences and understand each other .I still have my girls 2 think about.I feel that it would be wise 2 have him live with my mother for a few months when he arrives and date him here with my girls seeing him durin the day and he doesn't sleep here when they r here. kind of like the same way if he was a man I met here .I didn't write this because I need validation but just as a voice 2 any other woman that might have a similar situation.

[mountainfrog]

Originally Posted by jenfau

... it would be wise 2 have him live with my mother for a few months when he arrives and date him here...

Wise?
A few months?

May God help you all.

m'frog

[miguel]

Originally Posted by mountainfrog

Wise?
A few months?

May God help you all.

m'frog

Yet another case of "let me marry you now and I'll ask questions later" or "I'll marry you now and date you later". NOW is when she is worrying about her daughters!.

For the love of God, where do they find these people??????????????????????.

[vince1956]

Move him in the kids got a new father

[AnnaC]

I think it's the greatest idea I have ever read on these forums. Kids are very protective of their Mom and I don't know where their father is but they will fear losing the Mom once the "new guy arrives" in your life.

By him living with your Mom for a while it will give the girls time to know him and get used to him rather than him move in all at once.

The 13 year old will be going through a hard enough time with teen issues coming up and hormone changes so as a divorced women with kids I totally understand and absolutely admire you for putting them first.

Good luck

And have a good talk to him that you will be the only one to disciple the girls when they do wrong or again they will resent the "new guy" telling them what to do.

[mountainfrog]

Originally Posted by AnnaC

...to disciple the girls...

Hmm, you mean him being like Jesus and the girls become HIS DISCIPLES...
Isn't that taking it a bit far?

m'frog

[margaret]

Originally Posted by jenfau

I have 2 daughters 13 and 8 they have known about my relationship with my domincan manfriend for 4yrs they r happy that I have found a man who makes me happy.However I do know they r still children and I have wrestled with how 2 make the transition easy on them and him as well he will be here in a few months and now that we r married we need 2 live 2gether as a family but I feel even though I know him from numerous trips and phone calls on both sides and lived the life as much as I could .I seen the good and bad and we fought through our differences and understand each other .I still have my girls 2 think about.I feel that it would be wise 2 have him live with my mother for a few months when he arrives and date him here with my girls seeing him durin the day and he doesn't sleep here when they r here. kind of like the same way if he was a man I met here .I didn't write this because I need validation but just as a voice 2 any other woman that might have a similar situation.

Well it's good you have support from your mother. What does your ex-husband have to say about his children living with a new man in the house? What abour your new husband does he have any experience with children? Have you discussed with him?

[AnnaC]

Originally Posted by mountainfrog

Hmm, you mean him being like Jesus and the girls become HIS DISCIPLES...
Isn't that taking it a bit far?

m'frog

ok then discipline



I'm re arranging my living room and I don't move as fast as I used so here I sit and rest.

[jenfau]

the ex has moved on and I trust that he wouldn't put the girls in harms way.He has 2 take that with me as well. The discipline is mine and they r my responsiblity he is great with kids.Discussed and understood. People will have problems with my marriage but they r not put on this earth 2 make me happy u make urself happy ur family makes u happy.Not all marriages work out but u can't put ur life on hold either because of the risks.Sometimes the best things in life r worth fighting 4.

[margaret]

Originally Posted by jenfau

the ex has moved on and I trust that he wouldn't put the girls in harms way.He has 2 take that with me as well. The discipline is mine and they r my responsiblity he is great with kids.Discussed and understood. People will have problems with my marriage but they r not put on this earth 2 make me happy u make urself happy ur family makes u happy.Not all marriages work out but u can't put ur life on hold either because of the risks.Sometimes the best things in life r worth fighting 4.

Well the ex has moved on and he's great with the kids, that's good. Hopefully he won't sabotage the chance of them accepting your new husband and maybe the kids will be okay as well. I take it they've overcome the grief from divorce and their original family breaking up? Sometimes that loss rears it's head when you least expect it and the ex-husband becomes involved.

You have a lot of talking to do with all concerned. I really hope your new husband will work hard with you to make it work because you'll have to have concensus on the discipline issue. That might be difficult with the two different cultures. It's hard enough with the same culture. Good luck... do you have a church? You might want to find one and see if they offer a marriage preparation course. They might offer other counselling. Just a thought!

PS Stop using the MSN English!