Dominican mother-in-law

[contasm]

It is well known the hardship suffered by many Dominican single mothers when their adult sons marry North American women and leave DR to settle in a new country.

Many of these young Dominicans play the role of main bread winner in these often broken families. Notwithstanding monthly checks that will be sent from USA and Canada, these men also play the role of father to their younger brothers and sisters, favorite uncle to fatherless/motherless nephews and nieces etc…

Is there any resentment from these mothers towards their new daughters in law because they “took” theirs sons from DR?. As mentioned..there will be money; but the emotional bond and support in other areas might be gone.

I open the question to any DR1 members and welcome comments on this subject.

Regards
Contasm

[Charlielyn]

It depends on how much money he is able to send back to the DR to his family. It would have to be more than what he made here, plus extra money in order to travel there several times a year. If he could do this then the mother will be comfortable and quite content.

[baileyboy]

From my experience-
There is no resentment from my mother in law.

She knows Orlando will have a better life here in Cda,, as does she know monthly cheques are coming her way too.

This may be b/c Orlando is the baby of the family, and there are 8 other children that help his parents too. But the majority of the bread winner is him b/c he is the only one out of the family that does not have children. Whereas the rest of his brothers and sisters have other mouths to feed.

Orlando sat down with his oldest sister and brother, and explained that he would be sending money back, but only after his bills in Cda are taken care of first. They respected and understood. But I make sure that one of his bills is his Mom and Dad. And I think b/c I understand and accept this, that there is no resentment b/c I make sure they are taken care of. I do not pay anything to them out of my pay cheque, this is all Orlando's money. But I make sure it's a priority to get the money to them.

We opened a bank account here in Cda in Orlando's name and sent the debit card down to his parents. They have access to that one account only, and through my account I can transfer the money into their account, and they just have to go to the machine to withdrawl the money. The fact that I thought this out to save us money on wire transfers, show to them the commitment I have to his family, and therefore no resentment is had.

Lisa

[Charlielyn]

Lisa you are wonderful!!!! I bet there are many girls out there that do not feel the same as you. I agree that this is part of Orlando's committment to his family. You are also very intelligent in the way that you set up the account for them to debit from. I salute you. Well done!

[baileyboy]

Thank you Charlielyn-

From the first moment I got involved with Orlando, I accepted that this would be a part of our life. His family is everything to him. When he came to Cda, I understood the importance to him.

We did sit down and talk about how much would be sent back. And he wanted to do this all on his own. We have a set amount that we set aside every 2nd paycheque. And if he has more then he will send it. But he also understands the repsonsiblities he has here. And it's a learning experience for him. We have had many conversation of late, that I am his family too, and he needs to think of our future as well as his parents and family in the DR. And he's working on it. It just means he may not get as much as he would like, for himself. I told him that I am understanding to him and his family and he has to show the same dedication and support to me, as I am his family now too. And he's doing it, slowly but surely. (Thanks AnnaC )

[dv8]

does one HAVE to support the family?

we live here but i am sure minovio's mum would be very unhappy if we moved to europe/america (which i hope will happen at some point).

thankfully minovio's parents are well off and do not need kids to provide for them, it is more the case of them thinking DR is the best country in the world and being completely blind to it's downsides...

even my idea of taking the beloved son to polonia for xmas scares them, how can a family be separated at this time of the year? well, it can and it will be, why should i be always separated from my family? it's fair to have on xmas here and one there, is it not?

i thought it was hard for minovio and me only to get into a relationship but only now i realize it brings the pressure to our families as well. my parents have never travelled on the plane and are pretty old, it seems to be cruel to pack them up for a long haul so they can come here. probably will have to do it thou. they would prefer us to live in europe, minovio's family prefers us here.

so sad that one side has to suffer....