Dominican spouse/significant other

[contasm]

I have been reading this forum for a couple of years, and very rarely I find descriptions of reactions from friends and relatives when knowing of a possible wedding/romance between one of their members and a Dominican.

Has your experience been positive, meaning your circle accepted your husband/wife/bf/gf from the very beginning or was it a long road to paradise to get your half Dominican orange to be liked by your friends and relatives..or it just never happened..you were outcasted from your circle because you married/hooked up/went out with a Dominican.

I’m curious to know what obstacles might have been encountered by some DR1 members in regards to this issue (acceptance).

Sincerely
Contasm

[baileyboy]

From my experience-

My family and friends knew my husband (boyfriend at the time) they had met him while on many vacations with myself, and got to know him before we got married.

There were no problems, and my family and friends wanted to know more about his culture and where he came from.

When I got married, my friends and family came to the wedding. They came from Cda (26 people), the USA (Miami, NY, and Arizona) one even came from Switzerland.

His side of the family, welcomed me with open arms. And the rest of my family too. He is the only one out of 9 children to be married, and to be married to a "gringa". The rest of his brothers and sisters are with other Dominicans except one who is with a Colombian. And they all have children, except my husband. He is the baby of the family, and his entire family are wonderful people. The raised their son to be an honest and hard worker. I couldn't have asked for a better family-in-law.

When my husband got to Cda, my workplace of 300 people, were all excited to finally meet him and get to know him. (as they were all aware of the extensive trips to the DR, over the course of 5 years to visit him).

I have not had anyone who has given me any problems, or had any problems with our relationship.

Lisa

[jenfau]

Bailyboy is the poster child for positive feedback with her Domincan husband.To me she is like a celebrity and I enjoy hearing about her life now and the road she is travelling.So far its been fairly positive.My husband is not here as of yet(government makes it harder than it should be)There is the normal jerks out there who are racist and others who think you might be foolish because of where they are from.But when it comes down to it your true friends will be there for you.His family have been happy for us.Yes it means a better life for him.(not so much if I'm cranky)He has been the one of the main providers for his family and his mother understands that he might not always have the money to send to them but she is happy that one of her children have a better chance in life and love. These relationships have an extra degree of difficulty because of language barrier and culture and numerous other obstactles that only those who are going through it really know about.These obstacles can be overcome if there is that bond between those couples.We take them on one day at a time and are learning more everyday.The only real problem I can see isn"t that he is a Domincan man but a Man(LOL) that is the true test!!!!

[Chirimoya]

The only things I can remember - my Mum expressed some concerns before meeting Mr C. Her cousin in Madrid had told her about the reputation Dominicans have in Spain and that it was a well-known fact they used foreigners for visas.

- apparently this happens to Spaniards too, they just don't post about it on DR1 -

Then Mum remembered having watched a British daytime trash TV show ('Esther' or 'Trisha', similar to Rikki Lake or something of that sort) where an English woman told her tale of woe and sankification by a Dominican man. We're talking mid-90s here.

However, when she met Mr C she clicked with him immediately and has not mentioned anything of the sort since.

His family were typically welcoming, apart from one of the sisters who subjected me to a vetting, so blatant it verged on the comical. She wanted to know if I already had a husband, if I'd been married before, and asked me if I realised that her brother was the most precious being the universe had produced.

Originally Posted by contasm

I have been reading this forum for a couple of years, and very rarely I find descriptions of reactions from friends and relatives when knowing of a possible wedding/romance between one of their members and a Dominican.

Has your experience been positive, meaning your circle accepted your husband/wife/bf/gf from the very beginning or was it a long road to paradise to get your half Dominican orange to be liked by your friends and relatives..or it just never happened..you were outcasted from your circle because you married/hooked up/went out with a Dominican.

I’m curious to know what obstacles might have been encountered by some DR1 members in regards to this issue (acceptance).

Sincerely
Contasm

My wife's Dominican and her nor my family didn't have a problem. I have a half crazy sister in law who told me I was nuts but she got over it. We have been together 7 years. I had some friends/acquaintances who said I was crazy but then again who's the captain of my ship?

If you are the type of person that it is important that others accept your spouse I can tell you if you don't change then you will certainly have problems none the least of which will be doubts and second guessing your decision - both of which are a complete disaster for a marriage. One of my best friends is this way and he has suffered a great deal because his family never accepted his wife because she was hispanic. In fact they are divorced now.

My advice to you is to remember that you are the captain of your own ship and although people you care about may interject their opinion/approval/disapproval at times ultimately when there are problems in the marriage it will be you and your spouse alone that will need to resolve them. This is not to say that the family cannot be supportive but hopefully you can distinguish between constructive and destructive advice from them. Remember, the Good Book says that a man will leave his parents and with his wife they will become one - not many.

Best of luck

PS what does half dominican orange mean?

[Chirimoya]

"Media naranja" in Spanish is roughly equivalent to your "other half", or "soul mate".

[jeanmarie]

My parents supported me unwaveringly as they have done with all of my decisions of dubious merit...

My brother and a cousin both placed intervention calls to say "are you sure about this?", the cousin betting that he already had a wife and kids he was hiding from me...

My Brazilian friends (this area is chock full of Brazilians, Ecuadorians and Dominicans, with the Dominicans having firmly cemented their reputation for having a not so stellar work ethic) quietly whispered "she's so screwed" amongst themselves but wished me luck...

My best girlfriends winced ("he's how old?" ) and crossed their fingers but stuck by me...

My Dominican acquaintances didn't really say much...

My kids were thrilled because they love him...

Everybody accepts him now for better or for worse as I did.

It's been unbelievably hard for both of us. It's an on-going challenge of cultural conflicts, but very slowly and painfully we are discovering how to make things work. I wouldn't change a thing, however, because the reward has been as great as the struggle and we both have grown a lot. Plus our li'l bit of Dominican-American heaven helps us keep things in perspective...


mi francesca

[jenfau]

JEANMARIE how old are your kids.Can relate on most points(lol)My husband is coming here and I also have children.

[jeanmarie]

Jenfau, the kids are 11, 7, 6 & 7 months. I'm 43 and he's 28. Before we did the K-1 in '04 I took my kids down twice for a couple of weeks each time to visit him and his family...

His family was extremely welcoming and went out of their way for my kids...

[jenfau]

I didn't have the freedom to take my girls (13&8)there because my ex husband wouldn't allow it.Mainly for spite I think.However they have known about him for 4 yrs and speak regularly.They are excited for him to come here.It would have been more ideal to have them go there and get to know him in person.But once again another obstacle to face.I don't lie to them and not having them with us for our wedding was hard .We are going to have a Wedding here with them fully involved.Its hard to do things by the book with the system so difficult to have them come here for visits.Not the ideal situation but we are making it work.As their mother I will not purposely put them in harms way and there would be no way I would have him in our life if I didn't believe he is a good man.I have been with him 2 weeks at a time and then 4 weeks(10 trips in all) and rough times and good times were had.I believe I know his character and he knows mine.