Taking on my Dominican boyfriend and his family

SassyLady · #1 07-01-2007, 01:34 AM

Hi all,

My 1st time posting here and I have an idea of what the advice may be, as I have been following this forum for a while now.
This is my ongoing (unfortunately most likely Sankie drama too)
Is sad and breaks my heart to say that too.
It's true, we all like to think our Dominican man is different.

Like a lot of women that post here for advice and help.
I too am confused, sometimes more after reading these posts.
I've been around the block big time in my home country when it comes to relationships.
I'm not naive here in the US, but it's like the heat fries my brain when I'm in the DR and my common sense fails me!
American guys can really be jerks too, but in many different and cultural ways to some Dominican men.
This could be long, so I will try and keep it brief.
After having been in some crappy relationships in the US, I came on hols to the DR back a little over 18 months ago.
I met my now Dominican Boyfriend in Sosua.
We did originally bond on a few levels at the beginning.The usual stuff, had great fun, have been back to see him a few times since etc.
Then back in February this year came that dreaded line, 'My Mum is sick, needs a operation'.
I do have a heart and if I could even help out a friend in the same situation anywhere, then I would.
So I sent the 2100 pesos.
At the time, I said to myself, well if he is lying to me, thats ok as I can afford it. If he has to lie to me to get rent money for the next few months, I can deal with that.
After having since spoken to some of my friends in the DR, it seems like the money I sent him wouldn't have been enough for his Mum's operation.
Does anyone know anything about charges for a Gynae-type op there?
But I believed him and Mum seems to be ever so grateful and thankful to see me this time around, like I saved her life or something.
What do you say to the Dominican Mother of your Boyfriend, without offending? 'Hey Mum, can I see your stiches please to prove your son didn't lie to me and con me?'
I think not.
I guess the issue is I'm beginning to feel more as we go along in the relationship, that I am beginning to be used more financially each time I go.

I'm not living in the DR yet and have just come back to the US this time after having seen my boyfriend for 6 weeks.
We certainly hit some 'real' relationship issues. Mainly cultural actually, alot of the normal stuff that you would hit in a relationship with anyone even of your own culture.
I don't see us being together long term, as I think culturally my now Boyfriend would probably be better off with someone in his own culture. It's just the way he is.
But it is hard to break this, even though I see it not lasting long term.
I actually intended to move to the DR anyways before I met my Boyfriend.
What's worrying me now, is possibly moving there sometime within the next year and feeling like I have to support the whole family, ie his Mom and co.
I can barely afford to buy there, and if we were still together, then yes my boyfriend would live with me.
But I couldn't support the rest of the family, as is expected in true Dominican style.

Any genuine Dominicans out there, have any genuine advice for me on the last point specifically?

Regards

M.A.R. · #2 07-01-2007, 01:40 AM

He's using you. Don't send more money. Run like hell away from him, if you mind being taking advantage of.

SassyLady · #3 07-01-2007, 01:44 AM

Yep, thats what my gut says too. It's hard and I really wish he had proved me wrong. I understand that poverty does ugly things to people, which is probably why I've been so patient and understanding till now.
I really don't know what to do.
We'd actually be much better off as friends rather than in a relationship.

whirleybird · #4 07-01-2007, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SassyLady

Hi all,

My 1st time posting here and I have an idea of what the advice may be, as I have been following this forum for a while now.
This is my ongoing (unfortunately most likely Sankie drama too)
Is sad and breaks my heart to say that too.
It's true, we all like to think our Dominican man is different.

Like a lot of women that post here for advice and help.
I too am confused, sometimes more after reading these posts.
I've been around the block big time in my home country when it comes to relationships.
I'm not naive here in the US, but it's like the heat fries my brain when I'm in the DR and my common sense fails me!
American guys can really be jerks too, but in many different and cultural ways to some Dominican men.
This could be long, so I will try and keep it brief.
After having been in some crappy relationships in the US, I came on hols to the DR back a little over 18 months ago.
I met my now Dominican Boyfriend in Sosua.
We did originally bond on a few levels at the beginning.The usual stuff, had great fun, have been back to see him a few times since etc.
Then back in February this year came that dreaded line, 'My Mum is sick, needs a operation'.
I do have a heart and if I could even help out a friend in the same situation anywhere, then I would.
So I sent the 2100 pesos.
At the time, I said to myself, well if he is lying to me, thats ok as I can afford it. If he has to lie to me to get rent money for the next few months, I can deal with that.
After having since spoken to some of my friends in the DR, it seems like the money I sent him wouldn't have been enough for his Mum's operation.
Does anyone know anything about charges for a Gynae-type op there?
But I believed him and Mum seems to be ever so grateful and thankful to see me this time around, like I saved her life or something.
What do you say to the Dominican Mother of your Boyfriend, without offending? 'Hey Mum, can I see your stiches please to prove your son didn't lie to me and con me?'
I think not.
I guess the issue is I'm beginning to feel more as we go along in the relationship, that I am beginning to be used more financially each time I go.

I'm not living in the DR yet and have just come back to the US this time after having seen my boyfriend for 6 weeks.
We certainly hit some 'real' relationship issues. Mainly cultural actually, alot of the normal stuff that you would hit in a relationship with anyone even of your own culture.
I don't see us being together long term, as I think culturally my now Boyfriend would probably be better off with someone in his own culture. It's just the way he is.
But it is hard to break this, even though I see it not lasting long term.
I actually intended to move to the DR anyways before I met my Boyfriend.
What's worrying me now, is possibly moving there sometime within the next year and feeling like I have to support the whole family, ie his Mom and co.
I can barely afford to buy there, and if we were still together, then yes my boyfriend would live with me.
But I couldn't support the rest of the family, as is expected in true Dominican style.

Any genuine Dominicans out there, have any genuine advice for me on the last point specifically?

Regards

Are you serious about 2100 pesos? That wouldn't pay for any surgery surely. My hysterectomy in England was around 6000K pounds = 12000 dollars = 360K pesos.... what on earth did he tell you she needed?

SassyLady · #5 07-01-2007, 02:15 AM

Would have been about £350 in english money.
Not sure exactly what kind of gynae OP.

SassyLady · #6 07-01-2007, 02:16 AM

I mean, would have been about Three hundred and fifty pounds in UK money

Alyonka · #7 07-01-2007, 11:54 AM

Lady, why do you need all this trouble? He might be just using you and will get rid of you as soon as you run out of money to find a new source of income. Are you really sure you are willing to risk everything to be with someone who is that different from what you are used to?

miguel · #8 07-01-2007, 12:18 PM

First EFernandez, then BJP, then oceanbound, THEN SassyLady (the last 3 threads started on the same day, within hours of each other)!!.

It doesn't get any "better" than this!.

How can anybody stay away from this Soup Opera Forum?,

.

I am still smelling "SOCKO" and it's starting to stink REEEEAL bad!!.

Btw:

LONG LIVE THE SANKIE FORUM, THE BEST FORUM ON DR1!!.

SANKIE FORUM FOR PRESIDENT!!!.

Ps: I really can't understand why Anna hasn't committed suicide yet, wahahahahaha!!!!.

eztime · #9 07-01-2007, 02:17 PM

okay I am not a Dominican but an American who is dating a Dominican..here's how I see..come to Dominican republic and have fun but as far as any money goes ..I would nip it in the bud right away.. first time it is a little money and the next a little more and a little more..you do see where I'm going ..I would like to tell you a little story..I'm dating a Dominican lady I also have dated quite a few..one of my first rule is always tell them if you call me and asked me for money.. I will hang up the phone and that will be the last you hear from me..I've only had to do this once out of all the women that I have dated in the Dominican Republic.I also had a friend who married a Dominican beautiful lady.but the minute he moved in the town where she lived her family was over every day and night..all day all night everyday..laying around watching TV asking for little handouts..after a while my friend had to move..what I'm saying is that if you continue to see this guy there will always be something..my mother needs an operation..I am sick..my sister this my brother that my uncle this..what I'm saying is that there is always going to be something the operation is the oldest trick in the book.cut your losses and move on.but don't feel that you're not the only one that has happened to it is also happened to me to.will make the difference is how quickly you learn from it..also you must ask yourself where would he get the money from it he had not met you..and oh by the way I would ask to see the scar from the operation..

Efernandez · #10 07-01-2007, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miguel

First EFernandez, then BJP, then oceanbound, THEN SassyLady (the last 3 threads started on the same day, within hours of each other)!!.

It doesn't get any "better" than this!.

How can anybody stay away from this Soup Opera Forum?,

.

I am still smelling "SOCKO" and it's starting to stink REEEEAL bad!!.

Btw:

LONG LIVE THE SANKIE FORUM, THE BEST FORUM ON DR1!!.

SANKIE FORUM FOR PRESIDENT!!!.

Ps: I really can't understand why Anna hasn't committed suicide yet, wahahahahaha!!!!.

Just to make one point clear, I never sent a dime in the entire year that we have been speaking. Not a penny! He never asked and I of course never offered. So, there is a tiny bit difference here.