Dating in DR

SKing · #1 03-30-2008, 04:11 PM

Okay Guys, now I'm confused.
As most of you know, I am about 4 months away from what will probably be the most significant life change in my...Well...Life.
A few people thought I might have been sankified and actually that was never the case. I actually recently found out why all of the Dominicans that I have met so far have been so....respectful. Not one Sanky signal out of the bunch in all of my trips, apparently my best friend had put out the word that her American friend would be visiting last august and you know how quickly information like that will travel in a small town such as Sajoma. Well, her husband started to receive all kinds of calls from guy "friends" and "friends of friends" wanting to know when I was arriving. Apparently he gave most of them some not so nice news that if he caught anyone trying to "use and abuse" me that they would have him to deal with. So there is the answer. I have been asked out, no doubt, but always ended up going with my best friend and her husband...never alone. Even though I was a little upset by this when my friend told me (just a few days ago), I am kind of grateful, my friend's husband, and both his brother-in-laws, treat me like I am the little sister although I am 7-10 years older than all of them.

ANYWAY, the question is... how do you go about dating in the DR. I do not want to be dating one person exclusively immediately when I get there...I want to meet different people, see different personalities, etc. But my friend is telling me that this is nearly impossible.
She is telling me that if I am seen on a date with one guy one week, and on a date with another guy another week, that I will be viewed as a puta...whether I am sleeping with them or not...
And now...ESTOY CONFUNDIDA... because I thought that that is what DATING is.

Tell me what have been your experiences... I do not plan to be party-hopping or man-hopping but also I do not plan to sit like a bump on a log in one of the most beautiful countries in the world.

Will I be considered a puta if I accept an invitation to dinner and dancing in Santiago with one person and in the next week or so with someone else?

If so...how do you go about dating in the DR...do you just have to close your eyes and pray that the first one that asks you out is halfway decent??

Let me know, I definitely don't want to be breaking any unspoken cultural rules and end up being considered the Great American Slut (although I definitely am not)

AnnaC · #2 03-30-2008, 04:54 PM

I don't know where in the DR you are moving or your age but you might find this thread interesting Cultural Differences!

Mainegirl and planner talk about their experience.

SKing · #3 03-30-2008, 05:08 PM

Thanks so much...I will look it up right now...
I am 32y.o and moving to San Jose de las Matas

Thanks

Hillbilly · #4 03-30-2008, 06:32 PM

Short answer: YES.
HOWEVER: Not if you go with your friend as a companion.
IF you decide that you want a more intense relationship: Sex....
THEN you become "Novios" and it's okay to go out alone.

HOWEVER: If you change "Novios" too frequently, you become "cuero" or "cartón" or whatever the current vocabulary is for 'easy lay'....and, in a place like Sajoma, word travels real quick...

You okay with that?

HB

SKing · #5 03-30-2008, 07:05 PM

Absolutely...
So, basically, if I go out on a "date" it should not be alone, it should be with my friend and her husband or as a group...correct? So as not to be construed as "noviasco" (is that the word??

)
If I decide later that it shall be more then we may go out alone...

Also...what is the proper answer for a dominican guy who says "I will stop by your house to visit you later". Because I have heard my friend speaking badly about a girl who was sitting on the patio talking to a guy. She said "She's always talking to a different guy, esa tipa"
Is no one allowed to visit either because here in the USA I have frequent friend (guys) visitors. We drink a Pepsi, talk about work, etc...
Are platonic male/female friendships not allowed??

Alyonka · #6 03-30-2008, 07:45 PM

I heard a Dominican man say - men only talk to women they want to go to bed with. So, if you allow a lot of men talk to you - you pretty much allow them to look at you this way. It is not good. I never knew it before, but this is the way they think. I would be very very careful talking to men there at all. They do pay attention. Ask Planner - she has lived in the DR for a while and knows what this is all about. Here, in the US, it is normal to socialize with guys. Well, we all have to do it for work, school, etc. Good luck!

SKing · #7 03-30-2008, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyonka

I heard a Dominican man say - men only talk to women they want to go to bed with. So, if you allow a lot of men talk to you - you pretty much allow them to look at you this way. It is not good. I never knew it before, but this is the way they think. I would be very very careful talking to men there at all. They do pay attention. Ask Planner - she has lived in the DR for a while and knows what this is all about. Here, in the US, it is normal to socialize with guys. Well, we all have to do it for work, school, etc. Good luck!

Oh...Lord...but then you have to ask yourself...how do you know who is WORTH talking to unless you TALK to them?

I am so glad that I found this site 5 months ago...Lord knows what they would have called me if I did not get this info beforehand...

Alyonka · #8 03-30-2008, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SKing

Oh...Lord...but then you have to ask yourself...how do you know who is WORTH talking to unless you TALK to them?

I am so glad that I found this site 5 months ago...Lord knows what they would have called me if I did not get this info beforehand...

See, that is the thing. It is really hard to get to know them. It takes a long long time. That is why I don't go out on "dates" - there is just too much pressure. It is much easier to connect with a person you work with, go to the same club, gym, etc. I would just talk to people as I go, but would not accept "dates" unless I really like him and am sure that there is potential of a real friendship to develop.

But, it is just my personal preference.

SKing · #9 03-30-2008, 08:14 PM

That makes good sense...Pero Dios Mio...no dating basically....what's the use in being single and looking for Prince charming

Alyonka · #10 03-30-2008, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SKing

That makes good sense...Pero Dios Mio...no dating basically....what's the use in being single and looking for Prince charming

We just wait for the Prince Charming to find us

He has to do it himself. Read a thread on this site about NOT making anyone's life easier. Female initiative only leads to trouble.