Seeking advice

waterloo · #1 04-13-2008, 12:14 PM

To all here,
By reading through the threads it would appear that there is a significant amount of knowledge about the DR here on this forum. I appeal to you all for some advice.
I have never been to the DR. Recently whilst overseas on active service in Afghanistan; my wife took a vacation with our youngest child to Puerto Plata. Things have been admit ably strained between us but I was hoping that on my return and hers (I came home 3 days prior to her) that we would both be refreshed and ready to try and resolve our problems.
She came home to announce that she was planning to go back. Apparently she met a local chap who does video taping of tourists on quad bikes as a job. During the second week of her trip she actually stayed at his house with his mother, father and two brothers. She didn't initially tell me about other stuff, but she also wouldn't look me in the eye when talking about him. Finally she came forth and admitted that she had relations with him that it all happened very fast, that it was sincere, and that she was heading back to see where it goes from there. This fellow lives with his family in a poorer part of Puerto Plata and wanted her to return.
I am very concerned about her. Beyond the infidelity, I can't believe that this is happening. She is leaving everything (including kids) to go down to live with this guys who she only knew for a short while. My wife is blond and blue eyed, petit and pretty. She described him as a little darker than Spanish (a little vague, I know!). I fear she is going to be placed in danger by going with this guy. As well, he professed love to her (which she ate up) and his family apparently wanted her to come back but judging from some of the posts here, it doesn't sound as if DR chaps really look at it the same way.
Also I have heard about DR "divorces" and rather lax laws about marriage. What is the truth about these, in layman terms? Despite what has happened between us, I still love her and I am worried about her. I would really appreciate if anyone advises me about this. I personally think that he wants her back but is not truly sincere about his intentions. I am very worried about her (1) safety and (2) her heart. Please help with any stories that I can perhaps use to try to dissuade her from doing this. If she really wants to split I would rather I knew she was safe. She also figures that she will find employment with the local resort and thus save money up, but I fear that she will be used for that cash, and that he will control her for it. I need advice for this issue please.

Squat · #2 04-13-2008, 12:20 PM

I am not an expert, and no one to give advice.

That said, I would suggest you secure your money and your kids life in your home country, because your wife will hopelessly loose everything with this "chap" here in the DR...

It is hard to fight, as she's "in love", and won't listen to anyone telling her the evident truth...

Do your homework from your home country to protect your assets, and your kids future. Let the wife run loose, get a divorce... Look ahead...

I am truly sorry for you, your family and your kids... But not for your wife... She'll get ripped off, willingly. I wouldn't say she's in physical danger... Just emotional (a bit), but most of all, financial...

rio2003 · #3 04-13-2008, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waterloo

To all here,
............... heading back to see where it goes from there. This fellow lives with his family in a poorer part of Puerto Plata and wanted her to return.

Hi there..

I think if and when your wife returns to find out "where it will go" she will, sooner or later, find out that it is not where she thought it would be - to put it mildly!

I suspect that she is one of many female tourists who have received attention from Luis and I am sure will not be the last but her rose tinted glasses are firmly in place and no-one or nothing will persuade her that is anything but genuine.

The advice given above is sound, make sure that your money is safely where it should be and the children as well.

I am sorry I cannot be more positive.

Rio

AnnaC · #4 04-13-2008, 12:41 PM

Telling her about other people's stories will not help her because it's too late and she's "in lust" I mean love.

Divorces in the DR are fast and easy to get but she needs your signature, she can't get one without it.

Not sure what you mean by lax marriage laws. If you are trying to say that people cheat after marrigae, well that happens anywhere in the world.

Do a search in the legal forum for rights of a spouse and children of a Dominican spouse.

margaret · #5 04-13-2008, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waterloo

To all here,
By reading through the threads it would appear that there is a significant amount of knowledge about the DR here on this forum. I appeal to you all for some advice.
I have never been to the DR. Recently whilst overseas on active service in Afghanistan; my wife took a vacation with our youngest child to Puerto Plata. Things have been admit ably strained between us but I was hoping that on my return and hers (I came home 3 days prior to her) that we would both be refreshed and ready to try and resolve our problems.
She came home to announce that she was planning to go back. Apparently she met a local chap who does video taping of tourists on quad bikes as a job. During the second week of her trip she actually stayed at his house with his mother, father and two brothers. She didn't initially tell me about other stuff, but she also wouldn't look me in the eye when talking about him. Finally she came forth and admitted that she had relations with him that it all happened very fast, that it was sincere, and that she was heading back to see where it goes from there. This fellow lives with his family in a poorer part of Puerto Plata and wanted her to return.
I am very concerned about her. Beyond the infidelity, I can't believe that this is happening. She is leaving everything (including kids) to go down to live with this guys who she only knew for a short while. My wife is blond and blue eyed, petit and pretty. She described him as a little darker than Spanish (a little vague, I know!). I fear she is going to be placed in danger by going with this guy. As well, he professed love to her (which she ate up) and his family apparently wanted her to come back but judging from some of the posts here, it doesn't sound as if DR chaps really look at it the same way.
Also I have heard about DR "divorces" and rather lax laws about marriage. What is the truth about these, in layman terms? Despite what has happened between us, I still love her and I am worried about her. I would really appreciate if anyone advises me about this. I personally think that he wants her back but is not truly sincere about his intentions. I am very worried about her (1) safety and (2) her heart. Please help with any stories that I can perhaps use to try to dissuade her from doing this. If she really wants to split I would rather I knew she was safe. She also figures that she will find employment with the local resort and thus save money up, but I fear that she will be used for that cash, and that he will control her for it. I need advice for this issue please.

Protect your children, first and foremost. They will be abandoned by their mother and this will be devastating for them. Children take years to get over this, even when both parties agree to it.

I think your marriage is over, it requires two people and I think your wife has closed the doors on it. Sooner or later, she'll want her half of the family property but if she leaves her children you will be the parent who has a right to the matrimonial home where your children can live and she'll lose all rights to child support.

You can get a legal separation and NOT get a divorce. If you want to know about divorce laws in the DR, I guess you're referring to quickie divorces where both parties agree, I think you need to post in the Legal forum not in Mars and Venus!

Get a good lawyer in your own jurisdiction. Regarding her security, I don't see what can do frankly. Just protect your children and keep talking to your wife if you want to keep the doors open for reconciliation. Maybe just maybe, she might have gone into this relationship in revenge for your own infidelity while you were doing a tour of duty. Maybe she'll come to her senses and put her children first over. I don't think so. She must have left her child alone in the hotel when she made this trip in order to have time alone with this guy. Sad, very sad. I'm sorry, you should protect your children and worry about their security above everything else.

2LeftFeet · #6 04-13-2008, 12:56 PM

Hi Waterloo. You must be devastated. After serving your country honorably you come home to this. I'm sorry for you. This is the last thing you expected.

I think she is in for a rude awakening. His "when are you returning" is a ploy to get her to come back to give him money. He is saying this to a slew of women. He wants her to come down but not stay. She is going to get in the way.

Eventually, she is going to realize what's occurring and she's going to feel horrible for what she has done to you, the kids and her marriage.

There is probably no talking to her but maybe you can print out some of the articles written her about Sankie Pankies. Leave them in the house like you were reading them. Maybe something will ring true with her and she'll see something.

At this point you have nothing to lose.

2LF

AnnaC · #7 04-13-2008, 01:07 PM

You can have her read this article Sanky Pankies in the Dominican Republic but it might be too late so like others have said protect your children first.

Matilda · #8 04-13-2008, 01:08 PM

I am so sorry.

There was a similar situation here in Juan Dolio a few years ago. An attractive lady, married with two children met a Haitian on holiday. Went home, left her husband of 21 years and her two teenage children and moved here. After 6 months her Haitian lover cleaned out her bank account and left her. Desperately looking for the 'love' she had from him she went through most of the sankies and motoconcho drivers here. She couldn't get a job, became a drunk and a thief, lost her apartment and eventually her children paid for her to return to the UK. By then she was living on the streets working as a prostitute.

She now lives off the state in the UK in a bed and breakfast place, has no money and her husband and kids have no contact with her.

Just make sure your wife has no access to money. She will return when this ends which it will, sooner rather than later if she has no cash, and as long as she is not too proud to say 'sorry I made a big mistake'. Then you can decide whether or not you take her back.

Matilda

Theforceinme · #9 04-13-2008, 01:17 PM

I think the guyz here have said everything I can think of also. Protect your own assets and your kids. Let her be, as much as you want to help, even if you ARE right and the worst case scenario is true... she still would not listen. A girl that can say and do this WHILE being married... she's not worth it.

Sorry bud.

Lapurr · #10 04-13-2008, 02:57 PM

Waterloo,

i am truly sorry for your pain, but i would not give up on DR1, make that one of the conditions of your legal seperation, that she read the link that Anna provided,along with this entire forum.
that will Alleviate any guilt feelings you may have when she leaves and if it should work out badly,at least you have done your best to inform her of the casualties she will encounter.
take care