Disillusioned and begging for help

michellemandel · #1 04-14-2008, 10:35 PM

Please if anyone can help me before it's too late I would appreciate it. Here's my background:

-Have been together with a DR man for almost 3 years
-have been married almost 2
-have a 9 month old son with him (gorgeous)
-husband moved to toronto, canada to be with me almost 1 year ago
-he hates the weather (warned him about it)
-hates the people here (warned him about them)
-my husband is miserable and is threatening to move back home
-I am broke and working 6 days a week to make ends meet (spent lots of money on legal fees etc and to make him "happy"
-my husband has had a few jobs here and there but can't seem to keep any - he only wants to work with spanish speakers
-his english is passable - he was enrolled in ESL and lasted about 2 months but then got a job and quit - the job did not last and he does not want to go back to school
-he also has 3 kids back in DR (no surprise)
-he wants to make big money fast to support his kids and doesn't feel he can do that here b/c the gov't takes a lot of $
-he says he can get a bank loan there and start up a business? he's not sure what - he has no business experience

I forgot about this forum until I got an email from a newbie to the site.

I need some help. I don't want him to leave but I'm very depressed and think maybe it would be for the best. If he could find a decent job maybe that would change his mind. He has construction/renovation experience and is also an amazing bartender. If anybody can give me some advice or has a job connection in toronto I would be personally indebted to you. thanks

Chris · #2 04-14-2008, 10:46 PM

Michelle, hang on a little. There are women on here with experience that will give you the straight story perhaps more by private mail than publically. I'm going to have your post transferred to the Mars and Venus forum.

Just for a start, care for yourself in two respects - No bank accounts in his name and nothing that he can sign to take anything and make sure that he does not take the little one against your wishes. He can find a decent job and can keep down a job. Ask yourself why he is not doing that and why you are doing all the work.

AZB · #3 04-14-2008, 10:54 PM

This is so sad. These women just fall in love with a man who has no real working experience, who hates working in the first place and who has no real education, then they take him to north america thinking he will fit in just fine and get along with his new life as if nothing has changed.
The real reason why this man wants to go back to dominican republic is because he is not getting laid by the women there. He was doing just fine back home. Now he has to sleep with you everyday, work in cold weather, a job that demands real performance, he speaks no english and he is not a killer stud with the latinas there. He wants to come back to his lazy life back home where he can go out at will and be with his girlfriends.
You north american women just don't get it. He married you to go to canada and pluck dollars from the tree. Now he is hit with the reality, he wants no piece of it.
AZB

liam1 · #4 04-14-2008, 11:00 PM

AZB for president!

Ringo · #5 04-14-2008, 11:03 PM

Sorry to say that I agree with AZB. I would have been a little more kinder with my wording but is the same.

See a lawyer and get all papers done regarding child and divorce. Be generous. Take him to airport with one way ticket to D.R., ticket for him if he signs papers. If he does not sign, no ticket and leave him at airport.

Ringo

liam1 · #6 04-14-2008, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AZB

...
The real reason why this man wants to go back to dominican republic is because he is not getting laid by the women there. He was doing just fine back home. Now he has to sleep with you everyday, work in cold weather, a job that demands real performance, he speaks no english and he is not a killer stud with the latinas there. He wants to come back to his lazy life back home where he can go out at will and be with his girlfriends...

can anyone blame this man for wanting to go back? some things are more important in life than money, which he is not making anyway.

be honest with him and tell him things can not go on like this anymore. either he gets a job and helps you out or packs his bags and goes back solo. just make sure he can not take the kid away. it is better for you just to have to support one kid, instead for two.

jalencastro · #7 04-14-2008, 11:18 PM

AZB for presidente! i second the vote....sometimes the mindset is what kills me....and more so when a woman has to put up with that BS!

Matilda · #8 04-14-2008, 11:27 PM

I don't think it is just about the women you know. i would never ask my husband to live in England. He has been there 3 times on holiday and would go with me if I insisted on moving back there but it would kill him. It is not the weather, the work but he is Dominican through and through and loves his country. I get a little homesick sometimes and I miss my friends and family but his friends, family and country mean much more to him than mine do. 'Love' does not conquer all, and if he really wants to leave then let him go. Those of us who live here do because we love everything about this country more than the country we were living in before. Why should Dominicans be any different? Why should they love Canada or Uk or USA more than here? The only advantages these other countries have is the fact you can make more money, which they want to send home to help their families. And if they can't do that then why bother being there?

I don't think it is as cut and dried as AZB says. It not just that they are lazy or want sex with hundreds of Dominican girls. It that if there is no great reason (and unfortunately being with wife and kid is not good enough) for being apart from thsi country and their family and friends, then why bother??

Good luck to you. I hope you work it out one way or another.

Matilda

Sholly24 · #9 04-14-2008, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AZB

This is so sad. These women just fall in love with a man who has no real working experience, who hates working in the first place and who has no real education, then they take him to north america thinking he will fit in just fine and get along with his new life as if nothing has changed.
The real reason why this man wants to go back to dominican republic is because he is not getting laid by the women there. He was doing just fine back home. Now he has to sleep with you everyday, work in cold weather, a job that demands real performance, he speaks no english and he is not a killer stud with the latinas there. He wants to come back to his lazy life back home where he can go out at will and be with his girlfriends.
You north american women just don't get it. He married you to go to canada and pluck dollars from the tree. Now he is hit with the reality, he wants no piece of it.
AZB

That is the major difference between a man and a woman.

A woman will always continue to think with her heart while a man will always continue to think with his head.

Hopefully everything might still turn out okay with some good advice.

Rock, paper, scissors.......(and may I add?) heart and head.

Paper rules over scissors.........and head rules over heart.

Sholly

Matilda · #10 04-14-2008, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sholly24

A woman will always continue to think with her heart while a man will always continue to think with his head.

And there was me thinking that women thought with head and heart and men with their d*cks!!

Mattie