I have a question myself......

rio2003 · #1 05-31-2008, 10:54 AM

This seems as good a time and place as any, and doesn't stray from the thread too much, to ask this question of the females who are so vociferously supportive of their friends who just so happen to work in Dominican resorts.

The scenarios that we describe when we try and warn people of the possible dangers of a "friendship" with a hotel worker may not have happened to you personally..... but........

Can you honestly say that in the time that you have known and been in the company of your friends you have never seen any "scamming" going on?

Resort workers normally hang out with other resort workers in their free time -if there is a group there are almost always gringas with them - some will live there, some will be repeat visitors and usually there will be one or two newbies - first or second timers - who have "fallen" for one of the guys.
Have you seen that? Have you thought - umm, nice couple - or have you thought - I wonder what he sees in her? - or perhaps - she seems a bit old for him - or perhaps - but that is not who I saw him with last week!

Yes, we all have Dominican friends, nobody is denying that but unless you are being kept away from the real goings on or you are burying your head in the sand it is a fact and people do need to be warned I am afraid.
IMO

Rio

AnnaC · #2 05-31-2008, 02:57 PM

Rio
I have split your question. Seems to be a good topic.

sangria · #3 05-31-2008, 03:50 PM

I agree with you RIO...

Based on my personal experiences staying in different hotels over the last few years, I have watched girls & women be played (knowingly & unknowingly).

In only 1 of many examples I have witnessed, I have watched the guy walk right up & ask for money in front of me and then watched the naive women hand it over...no questions asked.

The same guy owns a car, has a better cell phone than me, has a dominican wife & who knows how many women other on the side.

If I was employed at the hotel and worked together/amongst the sankies and saw this behaviour on a regular basis....I wouldn't be able to keep their company or consider them to be my friend, I couldn't defend them to others & I wouldn't want to be associated in any way with that type of person during or outside of working hours.

Because I have morals, I would want to tell each girl what is happening & to not let themselves become a victim....not say how great the guys are aside from the fact that they lie, cheat & manipulate.

I don't understand how there are people out there that accept it & defend it.

My guess is that the girls who are "the defenders" are either new to the country/industry & don't yet know better &/or are being taken for a ride themselves and don't want to admit it.

Warning them & identifying the signs are all we can do and hopefully somewhere along the way the "defender" will learn the truth.

rio2003 · #4 05-31-2008, 04:07 PM

Thanks Sangria,

You have made a couple of very relevant points -

A true story.....

I used to live in the DR as I have often said...
I worked in a resort as I have often said......
One of the resort workers that I worked with had a Dominican girlfriend and a baby ....... I met them and often saw them around town...... no secret....

One day, a middle aged white lady drove to my house in a brand new 4WD (I had never seen her before) - asking my advice. Her housekeeper was a friend of mine (Dominicana) and explained that I would be able to translate for them both......
The gringa had that morning found something in the glovebox of her jeep that the staff were telling her was from a witch. She didn't speak a word of Spanish BTW....

It transpired that she was living with the same guy that worked in the same resort as me, had his Dominican girlfriend and baby and yet had managed to worm his way in with this lady, was "living" with her, "supervising" the building work on her house including the building of a swimming pool (which got paid for twice) and had told her that the mother of his baby had died and that his sister was bringing the baby up! Yeah right.....

So here we have my dilemma, I know everything ....... A question to those of you who defend your friends ......
1) how do you know that they would never do anything like this?
2) and how would you have handled the situation... whose side would you be on?
Understand and Answer that one and you are some way to understanding why we need to post the things that we do -

Rio

Rocky · #5 05-31-2008, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rio2003

So here we have my dilemma, I know everything ....... A question to those of you who defend your friends ......
1) how do you know that they would never do anything like this?
2) and how would you have handled the situation... whose side would you be on?
Understand and Answer that one and you are some way to understanding why we need to post the things that we do -

Rio

That's one of the toughest questions on Earth.
So many variables could have you lean one way or another.
Security issues (your own) could even come into play.
IMHO, there is no down pat solution, and only the person involved can make the best decision possible, and even if one does what appears to be right, it can still come back and bite you in the butt at a later date.

laurajane · #6 05-31-2008, 06:53 PM

This is interesting, I think personally for me each situation is different. For example, If i was aware that a friend of mine was being chatted up by a resort worker or obvious sankie or even got to the point where i could tell she had fallen for it and was being played i would talk to her and just let her know the facts, that as we all know in most cases 99.9% of girls the same as her are being payed and she isnt stuoid for falling for it just human and tell her to try and keep a level head and watch for the danger signs. I.E if his lips are moving he is lying!!

On the other hand, I do have a friend, we are not very close but we see each other when we can and both have children that have playdates together. Now like i said she has a beautiful baby with a resort worker who she has been with for years, it has not been easy and i know she has had issues with him in the past but we are not really close enough for me to know all the in's and out's. Now i know he is a sankie, not with her but he does mess around and go with other women tourists, I have seen him with them driving around in his girlfriends car! But i have not told my friend, not because i support him, but because the messenger always gets shot and i would probably loose a very good friend and she would forgive him anyway after he denied it. She is a very smart woman and i know she is not totally oblivious to it, but i think the best thing i could do is be there for her should she discover something herself or from someone else.

rio2003 · #7 05-31-2008, 07:05 PM

Thanks laura,

Stuff like this is invaluable - you and I both have cited real life examples of what goes on and how hard it is for anyone to actually say or do anything. As Rocky and yourself quite rightly point out - the messenger can and often does gets shot!

Those of us that live/have lived there see it happen, those that are there for 7/14 days probably don't pick up on it.

Rio

catcherintherye · #8 05-31-2008, 07:19 PM

Rocky, as always, has given a very thoughtful answer to a very difficult question, a question that would require much deliberation by any situational ethicist.

I am not well versed enough in Dominican ethics to answer from that prespective, but I can imagine a similar situation in the US, and even that would be difficult.

I think if it were me, in the US, with two people I know, I would ask questions of both parties and try to lead them to draw their own conclusions. In other words, I might ask the guy how he could take advantage of such a nice and kind person, and I might ask the women how well she knows the guy and if she should use a little more caution with her money etc.

I don't think I could flip the guy that easily, but again, it depends on the people involved. It is a very interesting moral dilemma.

Music · #9 05-31-2008, 07:49 PM

That's happened to me with a good friend (not in the DR though) and I said never again it was a mess and I got stuck in it.

Since you don't really know her I would say leave it alone as Robert mentioned it could affect your own safety. If it was a good friend than I might have a different opinion. As much as you feel bad for her you don't want to get in a big mess. I do think would say something to my friend even if they didn't agree or care but at least you would have made some attempt to let them know what they were doing was wrong.

On my first vacation lucky for me I found DR1 before I left on my trip lol I took all the info I read with me

Even to this day I remember a resort worker hanging around with woman much older than him, my guess was she paid him and he gave her what she wanted but he looked so miserable every day, first I was disgusted and as the days went I was both digusted and thought it was very sad as well.

It still amazes me how woman fall for all this it's so obvious at a resort once you step back and watch the sankies at work. But love is blind like they say I think I believe that more and more when I read the sankie forum.

rio2003 · #10 05-31-2008, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by catcherintherye

Rocky, as always, has given a very thoughtful answer to a very difficult question, a question that would require much deliberation by any situational ethicist.

I am not well versed enough in Dominican ethics to answer ......

Right - I want this to be read by all the females who have "friends" that are resort workers....

Do you know anything about Dominican ethics?

No - let me tell you..... Dominicans do not "grass" - you do not "tell tales" -

You can see something happening under your nose but unless it is to get yourself out of trouble - you saw nothing......heard nothing....and say nothing.....

Get it?