i dont understand his anger

italy · #1 01-05-2009, 02:33 PM

I am an italian egyptian woman born in america. I started dating a dominican guy 1 1/2 ago. Its been a tumultous relationship from the get go. He would easily get mad and shut his phone off if i said something that bothered him. One time my phone was dying and i called him to tell him and that i would call him later once it charged...after that he shut his phone off for the entire night because he didnt beleive me.
He also get mad when I drink. There were a few times that we went out where we were drinking alot and i would get a little loopy. He would be drinking with me. After at the end of the night he would get so mad and curse at me and call me disguting. He would say that i didn't know what i was doing or saying etc. he would make me start to think the way he did when i was just having a good time.
We just broke up in a very volatile fight on newyears eve. becuase i got very drunk and then asked him "where the **** he was" when i asked him to go with me to the bathroom...he didnt like that and told me again that i was disgusting a mess and that he doesnt want anything to do with me. I have sacrificed so much in this relationship....hes broke..doesnt take me out much..lives with his parents etc...and i still loved him unconditionally. are these typical dominican traits? he said he never wants to talk or see me again...

Bellamona · #2 01-05-2009, 03:14 PM

These are typical ***hole traits; has nothing to do with his being Dominican.

If he doesn't take you out, calls you disgusting and isn't even interested in talking with you, then what, may I ask, are you in love with? Even the best sankies spend some time wooing and "conquistando" their women but it sounds as though he doesn't even have to invest that amount of time with you.

With all due respect, you need time away from ALL "love" relationships until you can sort out what makes you drink excessively and react so violently ("becuase i got very drunk and then asked him "where the **** he was" when i asked him to go with me to the bathroom.") when you do drink. Until then you will have nothing of value to offer in a real relationship and will only attract this type of trash. Forgive my bluntness but only you can control this situation. Learning to love yourself sounds so trite but is so true. Counseling would be helpful to get at the cause of your self-destructive behavior - I hope that you do get out of this one-sided relationship and look toward helping yourself - that's when you will find someone worth your energy. I wish you the best.

catcherintherye · #3 01-05-2009, 03:17 PM

Basically you are in a distructive relationship with someone who must be providing something you require. Whatever that something is, you are willing to accept the abuse that goes with it, or perhaps it is, in fact, the abuse that you require.

Yours situation is no different than the hundreds of thousands of other disfunctional relationships out there, and I doubt it has anything at all to do with nationality, race, or any other factor. It has to do with the common human tendency of gravitating to a distructive relationship despite knowing the relationship is going to turn out badly for them.

Either move on or continue to wallow in it. Those are your two choices.

Hlywud · #4 01-05-2009, 03:23 PM

He has one problem.....U

You have many problems..U, drinking and a passion for more abuse.

BermudaRum · #5 01-05-2009, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hlywud

He has one problem.....U

You have many problems..U, drinking and a passion for more abuse.

Perfecto!!!!!!

italy · #6 01-05-2009, 03:31 PM

i respect your bluntness but i do not drink excessively it was new years and yes i am in the wrong for cursing at him but it was only a reaction to him treating me so badly and then loving me so strongly. I just dont understand loving someone one minute and then blocking them out the next. I am a very giving a loving person but i guess your right. what am i doing in this relationship and i do need to look within myself.

but before judging me so harshly you should think about the whole picture. So i became a weak woman that took **** and in the end im the one coming out ugly.

italy · #7 01-05-2009, 03:39 PM

i do not have a problem with myself i love myself...i wanted a relationship to work and it didn't....
i do not have a drinking problem...im not the one thats hanging out nightly drinking beer at the corner grocery store....which he does.

hes a controlling asshole...and there is nothing wrong with me...im fed up with the relationship and wanted to know if anyone else has gotten caught up in this type of relationship

Bellamona · #8 01-05-2009, 03:43 PM

I don't think any of us are judging you - we're not saying you're a bad person - you are confusing love with something else ("it was only a reaction to him treating me so badly and then loving me so strongly"). Catcherintherye hit the nail on the head - you are getting something out of this relationship but it is not a healthy "something". You can't see what we see in your post.

You yourself said he gets mad when you drink, one time you got loopy. Behavior patterns that are getting you nowhere.

Unfortunately you will only make a change when and if you are ready - from what I read in these posts, we're actually on your side, we're just telling what the reality is that you refuse to see at this point. I sincerely wish you well.

Bellamona · #9 01-05-2009, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by italy

i do not have a problem with myself i love myself...i wanted a relationship to work and it didn't....
i do not have a drinking problem...im not the one thats hanging out nightly drinking beer at the corner grocery store....which he does.

hes a controlling asshole...and there is nothing wrong with me...im fed up with the relationship and wanted to know if anyone else has gotten caught up in this type of relationship

Yes I did, many many moons ago. That is why I can speak with authority and say JAMAS!!! never again.

italy · #10 01-05-2009, 03:55 PM

i appreciate your honesty...i was reading it wrong....

i know now that i am out of this relationship those patterns will come to an end. I was never like that before him....i have always had my head on straight..im an independent woman etc...

i lost myself somewhere along the way with him..and yes JAMAS!