Canadian fooled

[Canadian Fooled]

I have the same question........I have been in a relationship with a DR man, younger than myself for 11 months, married for 5 months. We met when he was in entertainment, he lost the job 2 months into our relationship. He was going to seek another entertainment job but I told him to seek something else as I didn't want him doing that. He has turned down 3 jobs in entertainment as he doesn't want me to be worried. I have fully trusted and believed him. I paid for our wedding as he had no money and said that he would repay me everything upon arriving and working in Canada. I have helped him each month with money. I spent a week with him at Christmas. He told me that his brother got a job in entertainment and he needs to be working again, he needs money, doesn't want my money. Wants a motorcycle.......we got into an argument as I couldn't understand why he would spend money on a motorcycle when he is coming to Canada and should have other focuses right now. Anyway, argument was ulgy on my part......I have been very stressed. Argument was in front of his brother.......

When I returned home I learned that his brother told him to "get rid of me".....and he has ended our marriage......basically will not even talk to me.

I am devasted!!! I loved him......have I also be conned?

[mountainannie]

Originally Posted by Canadian Fooled

I have the same question........I have been in a relationship with a DR man, younger than myself for 11 months, married for 5 months. We met when he was in entertainment, he lost the job 2 months into our relationship. He was going to seek another entertainment job but I told him to seek something else as I didn't want him doing that. He has turned down 3 jobs in entertainment as he doesn't want me to be worried. I have fully trusted and believed him. I paid for our wedding as he had no money and said that he would repay me everything upon arriving and working in Canada. I have helped him each month with money. I spent a week with him at Christmas. He told me that his brother got a job in entertainment and he needs to be working again, he needs money, doesn't want my money. Wants a motorcycle.......we got into an argument as I couldn't understand why he would spend money on a motorcycle when he is coming to Canada and should have other focuses right now. Anyway, argument was ulgy on my part......I have been very stressed. Argument was in front of his brother.......

When I returned home I learned that his brother told him to "get rid of me".....and he has ended our marriage......basically will not even talk to me.

I am devasted!!! I loved him......have I also be conned?

The relationship between men and women here on this island (both sides) are so different that really, really, truely (madly deeply) there is not going to be ANY way for an American, or Canadian woman to adjust to a Dominican man unless she meets a lot of criteria --- such as -- speaking fluent Spanish, being raised and trained in a religion which really supports male patriarchal, dominance, having a deep tolerance for infidelity--- I am sorry to tell you all this...

For the foreign men, the women here are a blessed relief from the women that they have had to contend with at home. But as much as it is paradise for the men, it can be the opposite for the women.

And, alas, the men here also appear to be experts at courtship, at the Don Juan stuff, at opening up the hearts so that women are really at risk here.

In researching an article on Machismo here recently I came across a chilling statistic which is that this country ranks as 6th in the WORLD in "feminicide" which is a word that I could not even translate easily - since we don't have a comparable in English. It means women being murdered by their intimate partners.

And alas, to just seed this with ideas from another thread, the presence of all these evangelical Protestants preaching "the man is the head of the woman"--- not very helpful here.

Count your blessings.

[yess]

uxoricide - a man who murders his wife

[Canadian Fooled]

Thank you for your comments but what do I do now. We are married, I have invested about $16,000.00, his immigration process is just about finish.....do I report him???

I am still dealing with the fact that I can't believe this is happening, I don't want it to be over, I was looking forward to him coming here and now I just don't know what I should be doing.

Please help.................

[catcherintherye]

I'll offer you some practical advice, which is based on nothing but my own personal opinion.

Since you have already invested that much money, complete the process, with the proviso that once he is there he will have to take care of himself. Make it clear that you have spent all your money and have nothing else to give.

Once he has the visa and is in country, he will soon disappear, as long as you don't protect him and take care of him as if he were a baby.

If you do continue to cuddle him he will take advantage of you for as long as he can.

Tell him that once he gets there he will have to take care of himself, that he will have to be a man, and until he does that you have no use for him. If he is a man he will step up, if he isn't he'll move on. Your problem will solve itself.

You have already lost $16000. Do not provide him with anything more. Don't continue to throw good money after bad. Inform him of your decision, and you will discover quickly what he is all about.

And stop wallowing in self pity. Move on, for chr**t sake!

It's also time for you to step up and be an independent woman, not a dish rag or door mat. You have to take control of your own life and stop putting in the hands of others.

[Lambada]

Originally Posted by Canadian Fooled

Thank you for your comments but what do I do now. We are married, I have invested about $16,000.00, his immigration process is just about finish.....do I report him???

Yes you do. Why should he have the benefit of a life in Canada on your dollar when he won't even speak to you & has, as you say 'ended the marriage'. Since his only reason for the marriage was most probably the visa and not a lot to do with being fond of you (sorry, but you know this anyway), then since he has ended the 'marriage' - you have too!

I disagree with catcher on this one. Letting him come to Canada just sends a message to other guys like him that they can do this & get away with it. For the sake of your sisters down the line who will also fall for this well established scam, put a stop to it now & don't let him migrate to Canada. You didn't get what you wanted out of this 'relationship' so why should he? And guess what.........once he finds out you've stopped his chances of getting to Canada, he'll start talking to you. My bet is he'll be positively garrulous! But don't answer, walk away. You can deal with the divorce formalities later when your emotions aren't so raw.

I extend empathy to you and know that a) you'll never fall for this trick again & b) one day a decent guy will come along for you, this will all be history and you'll probably laugh about.

[margaret]

I agree with Lambada, notify the processing centre as soon as possible in writing that you are withdrawing your sponsorship. You don't want to be on the hook if this guy comes to Canada, joins some one else in another province and goes on social assistance. And you have to change your phone number and cut off all contact with him because he will probably beg for a second chance. Write a letter now, make a copy and send it Registered mail before the Post Office closes.

The undertaking is an unconditional promise of support. For example, the granting of Canadian citizenship, divorce, separation or relationship breakdown or moving to another province does not cancel the undertaking. The undertaking also remains in effect if your financial situation deteriorates.

Guide 3900 - Sponsorship of a spouse, common-law partner, conjugal partner or dependent child living outside Canada

[margaret]

Here maybe this will help you.

Immigration Canada
Mississauga Processing Centre
Mississauga, Ontario

January 17, 2009

Ms. Imnota Canadianfool
All Street, Any Province

Immigration File #
Sponsoring Application: Sankie #000986

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to inform you that I, ________________________ on this day, month, year will hereby withdraw my undertaking of support/assistance for ____________________________. For personal and financial reasons, I will not be continuing with this application, as I [OPTIONAL TEXT: believe this individual entered into the marriage for immigration purposes only and] I don’t want to be legally or financially responsible for their entry and support as a permanent resident in Canada.

Please advise me of any other steps that I need to take to withdraw my sponsorship. Don’t hesitate to contact me, if you have any questions.

Yours truly,
Imnota CanadianFool
Telephone:
Email:

[AnnaC]

Originally Posted by catcherintherye

I'll offer you some practical advice, which is based on nothing but my own personal opinion.

Since you have already invested that much money, complete the process, with the proviso that once he is there he will have to take care of himself. Make it clear that you have spent all your money and have nothing else to give.

Once he has the visa and is in country, he will soon disappear, as long as you don't protect him and take care of him as if he were a baby.

I realize that you might not be aware of Canadian laws but if he does get here (Canada) disappearing would be a good thing but our immigration laws say that she is responsible for him for 3 years. That means that if he does disappear and can't get a job and goes for welfare the government will go after her for every penny paid out to him for the next 3 years.

If he doesn't want to be married to her then cut it off right now because it only gets worse from here. Margaret has provided some good info.

[catcherintherye]

"I realize that you might not be aware of Canadian laws but if he does get here (Canada) disappearing would be a good thing but our immigration laws say that she is responsible for him for 3 years. That means that if he does disappear and can't get a job and goes for welfare the government will go after her for every penny paid out to him for the next 3 years."


Yes, you are absolutely correct, and I didn't consider that when I posted my rant. It hit me as I was reading Lambada's post, and I was just about to apologize for my oversight, when I saw your post, Anna.

Everything else I said is okay, I think. So please just scratch out the part about the visa, and mark it down as a brain cramp. If either Lambada or Anna wants to rectify any other incorrect assumptions I might have made, please feel free to do so.

I stand chastised and contrite.