Need help with hubby

miercolesbonito · #1 03-02-2009, 03:51 PM

I am leaving this post and hoping that the Dominican men on DR1 can help me or offer some insights.

I am married to a Dominican man and we have been together for several years. Throughout this time we have had many ups and downs just like all couples do. The last few months have been particularly difficult for us but we have decided to stay together and try to make things work.

Lately, I do not feel close to him and find him distant. Each time I ask him what is wrong he says nothing and blames work. I think this is just his way of saying leave me alone. He does not have time to be with me and finds ways to get out of the house for long hours. Worst of all, he does not engage in any kind of intimacy with me. This hurts me because he was not like this before. He used to be very affectionate and we would spend a lot of time together. I have so many doubts in my head and I feel that he is hiding things from me. I wish things between us would just return to normal.

I am wondering if I should just continue to give him space and hope that things will get better or if I should just give up and leave. I love him very much but I do not know if he does because he does not show it. He has admitted that he is not good at showing his feelings but we had not problems with intimacy before. I am trying to be patient but it is very difficult since I do not see any improvements.

If you have any input or have experienced something similar with your husband please let me know. Thank you.

MB

AnnaC · #2 03-02-2009, 04:07 PM

How long have you been married and when did he arrive in your country?

miercolesbonito · #3 03-02-2009, 04:10 PM

We have been married for three years. He came here just under three years ago.

sangria · #4 03-02-2009, 04:25 PM

im confused...why are you writing in one forum how you have managed to overcome these problems through hard work, communication and time and then writing the complete opposite here?

am i missing something?

AnnaC · #5 03-02-2009, 04:27 PM

So you got married after he arrived in Canada? We are interested in hearing how he got to Canada if you don't mind.

Thanks

miercolesbonito · #6 03-02-2009, 04:28 PM

If you re read the posts you will see that we have done fine in the financial and family / friends aspects. This is what was said in the coming to a new country post. This current problem is related to the relationship since it involves intimacy and trust issues. Big difference. That is why the other one hopes to pass on info to others and this one is seeking advice.

Bronxboy · #7 03-02-2009, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miercolesbonito

If you re read the posts you will see that we have done fine in the financial and family / friends aspects. This is what was said in the coming to a new country post. This current problem is related to the relationship since it involves intimacy and trust issues. Big difference. That is why the other one hopes to pass on info to others and this one is seeking advice.

YouTube - Peña Suazo y la Banda Gorda mix "Estoy Aqui pero mi mente ..

Maybe he is just homesick. (one wishes it is only that)

miercolesbonito · #8 03-02-2009, 04:38 PM

We were married in the Dominican and he came here on a vistor's visa two weeks after we married. We were told that if he applied for residency in the Dominican it would take longer so we tried for a visitor's visa and were granted one on the first try (he has travelled before and had a good job). We left with the vistor's visa right away.

We applied for residency from Canada one month after he came here on his visa and were quickly approved (within 5 months). All together, we have been together for over 4 years.

The intimacy problems I refer to have been going on since October of 2008. Before that it was tits and tats here and there for the most part (regular couple stuff like finances, arguments about family). I am worried that he no longer wants to be married and pushing me away, saying it is just work is his way of making me see that.

miercolesbonito · #9 03-02-2009, 04:40 PM

Hi Bronx! Yes I thought so too so we actually went back for a trip but nada. I know he was homesick a lot when he first came here almost three years ago but other than this situation he seems well adjusted. Working at a good job etc. Who knows. Thank you for replying and letting me know your input. Homesickness was also my first hunch but after we returned from the Dominican nothing changed. Even over there he was distant.

Bronxboy · #10 03-02-2009, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miercolesbonito

The intimacy problems I refer to have been going on since October of 2008. Before that it was tits and tats here and there for the most part (regular couple stuff like finances, arguments about family). I am worried that he no longer wants to be married and pushing me away, saying it is just work is his way of making me see that.

This is something that ONLY you would know.

I do not want to burst your bubble but it could be there is someone else in his life.

Sorry, just calling it as I read it.

I would suggest a marriage counselor and not a public forum.

Good luck.