Am I la Otra??

LaOtra · #1 07-22-2009, 12:44 PM

OK been with my Dominican for over a year here in the US. He now lives with me and my 3 kids. His choice by the way not mine. I was married before to a jerk and am not a gringa that screws around. I was alone after my husband until I met him. Here's where I need your help. I found out after he moved in that he had a woman and a daughter back home in DR. I knew about the daughter and a son from another woman but he left out that the woman and daughter live in his house in DR. Anyway....I called her...I know bad but how else was I going to know the truth. He was NOT happy. She said they were still together, he says they are not she is only living in the house cause he is not there and she has no where to go.....So am I la Otra? I did toss him out on his ass when i found out about her but he made it his mission to come home. This is hard for me cause of my kids I did not want to put them through this again. Is he lying and she's the real woman and I'm the side? I do know all his family here father, sisters, brothers, nieces, and nephews and visit with them often. They accept me but it could just be BS, as it seems they all lie for one another. He is great with me and the boys and says he is going to take us to DR next year...Is it BS?? Give it to me straight I can take it!!

Charlielyn · #2 07-22-2009, 12:52 PM

You already know the answer, I'm sure.

M.A.R. · #3 07-22-2009, 12:58 PM

Yes you are. Does he have his green card yet? Or are you doing the process for him?

tink23 · #4 07-22-2009, 12:59 PM

Dear La Otra,

It is hard for anyone here to say because we don't know your husband, his family, or really much about your situation other than what you posted in your paragraph above.

I do, however, think that it is very suspicious that he lied about the woman living in his house. If she was strictly his ex and she was merely living in his house because he's a nice guy and had no where else to go, I would think that he would have mentioned it to you. The fact that he lied and kept it a secret is very suspicious. Also, the fact that you called the woman and she said they are still together is another big red flag. Yes, she may have lied to you because she's jealous that he's with you and not with her, but I think that is highly unlikely. The main thing is that he lied to you about her and kept it a secret and now that it's come out he's trying to cover his butt because what he's got with you is a good thing and probably better and a more prosperous situation than he'd have in DR with this other woman.

Again, it's hard for anyone here to say, but I think his lying is forth coming and I would think it is a huge red flag.

Good luck to you and your children with everything. I imagine this must be a difficult situation to be in and to decide what is right and best for your children and yourself.

AnnaC · #5 07-22-2009, 01:00 PM

Ask yourself if it's beneficial to him to live with you. What's it costing him to live there and if he is working where does his money go? Is he paying for all of you to go to the DR or does " we go together" mean, you pay we go?

Think of what is best for you and the kids. If he's great with you is it out of need or love?

LaOtra · #6 07-22-2009, 02:00 PM

Left this part out...He had his Green Card and was living here on his own before he met me. I am in no way part of the green card process....That being said I am pretty sure I do know the score...guess I just don't want to admit it. I make double what he makes and living in my house I'm sure is a step up for him. He also made me swear I would never call her again. Another HUGE red flag. Ohh and he won't call home from our house he calls home from his dads house. Says he doesnt want to cause a fight when he has to call her. I am in no way an insecure woman I am fully aware he needs to and should be in contact with the mother of his children. He says he doesnt call from our home out of respect for me...BS! What is a future with him like? One day he decides he's going home and that's it? He says he wants to try and get his kids here to live with us. That he is happy with us and wants to stay with me. When I spoke with the other woman I was amazed at how it is like no big deal almost like it's happened before. She only got upset when she found out he lived with me...like it was a shock that I wasnt a fling.

Thandie · #7 07-22-2009, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaOtra

OK been with my Dominican for over a year here in the US. He now lives with me and my 3 kids. His choice by the way not mine.

I dont understand the highlighted sentence. How could it be his choice, if it is YOUR house?

cinderelli1 · #8 07-22-2009, 02:09 PM

I can relate to your situation. The hard truth is that he lied. Statistics show that he probably has lied to you about other things as well. You just haven't found out yet. Damage has been done, now you have to decide if you can ever trust what he says to you.

Thandie · #9 07-22-2009, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaOtra

I make double what he makes and living in my house I'm sure is a step up for him.

BINGO! There is the answer.
Dont stay with him, or help his children come to the USA and take money out of your OWN childrens mouth and college fund to take care of him and his family.
If you really dont want to 'do that again' to your children, dont have another
'jerk male/father figure' in their life.

Even if you dont think you deserve better, your children do.

LaOtra · #10 07-22-2009, 02:25 PM

Wow That was blunt but exactly what I needed....

His choice by the way not mine. Was because he stayed there a couple times at first then before I knew it he was there everyday and then one day he shows up with all his clothes...that's what i meant by his choice not mine. Don't think I was ready for that really.