whaaat?

MaineGirl · #1 08-04-2009, 05:29 PM

I have never posted here in mars and venus. I've never really been interested in dating a Dominican. There was one I liked, once, briefly, for about twenty minutes. Cabrera was a tough crowd.

Anyway. This is what happened to me and it bears cultural observation.

A man I know in a city in the DR was married to a woman whom I respect very much. I stayed with them on several occasions. She is one of my dearest friends and mentors.

Their son came here on vacation, and by here, I mean the city. He emailed and asked if he could come up and see where I live, since...well...it's pretty awesome to live in Maine in the summer and I probably bragged a little bit about it. He said his dad was coming, too.

Right, right, many of you are saying, clue number 1!

Alas I missed most of the clues.

Long story short I have been entertaining a well-to-do, recently-divorced-from-my-best-friend Dominican, and his son, on my own.

Last night came a proposal of sorts. I politely (at first) and then rather ****ed-off, rejected the idea that I, a younger lady, would want to align myself with him. After this initial rejection some of my personal choices were disparaged. Not in a mean way, but very subtly. Why try and get a higher degree? why not have children? What was my problem?

It was pretty comic. A real dance of Spanish and trying to get to the point. End result being I shipped him and son home today, totally perplexed and a little mad. Two days early!! He had the nerve to imply (after I pointed out how inappropriate it was to stay with a single woman AND pursue her at the same time) that since I had "had boyfriends" that "it didn't matter." I kept saying, but this is Puritan New England! (And it's true.)

Now, here comes the cultural observation part.

1. I am a new england girl. Born in Mass and raised in Maine. I'm a haul the water haul the wood type. Probably more campesina than most, but also pretty adept at adapting when I need to.

2. He is divorced and Dominican.

There really could be no other end result but rejection, but seriously...WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?

I've yet to call the ex--but I will--and ask her, my dear friend, to forgive me for being so dumb as to entertain her ex for almost two weeks under the impression he was merely chaperoning his son.

(Before I forget, no one told me they had split until they were here for two days. Because I kept asking about the wife and how she was.)

(Age difference: 17 years).

AnnaC · #2 08-04-2009, 06:01 PM

Call the wife and find out if indeed they are separated. Some men are separated mentally when the wife isn't around just to get, well you know the rest.

Hillbilly · #3 08-04-2009, 06:47 PM

WOW... so now you know...
Good to see this...a fine example of how they think

HB

MaineGirl · #4 08-04-2009, 07:06 PM

Am I that naive and dumb???

Is this classic Dominican male behavior?

My friends here think it is rather predatory.

Hillbilly · #5 08-04-2009, 07:24 PM

Hummmm..
No, but you opened you house and home to him, so he figured you were also....you know....

This is one of the things I really try and warn people about. I am not psychologically educated enough to get to the root of this, but I see that folks from the US are so open with their lives...(As proven by some of the serial killers)...
They are compassionate, and well meaning, especially when faced with folks that might not have as much exposure to the Modern World. Saying "Oh you can come to my house sometime" will get a Dominican thinking every which way...and they will show up...maybe with cousins in tow...

HB

MaineGirl · #6 08-04-2009, 07:33 PM

Eww.

At least I had the wherewithal to boot them home.

Interesting.

Berzin · #7 08-04-2009, 08:53 PM

Cultural differences are always funny when they clash.

I remember going on an overnight campus visit to a boarding school in Massachusetts, and the teenage son of the family I stayed with asked me if I was in a rap group, being that I was from the Bronx.

He seemed disappointed when I said no. Then I asked if he played his Led Zeppelin records backwards to better hear the satanic messages they were subliminally singing and we both had a great laugh.

Lambada · #8 08-05-2009, 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hillbilly

Hummmm..
No, but you opened you house and home to him, so he figured you were also....you know....

This is one of the things I really try and warn people about. I am not psychologically educated enough to get to the root of this, but I see that folks from the US are so open with their lives...(As proven by some of the serial killers)...
They are compassionate, and well meaning, especially when faced with folks that might not have as much exposure to the Modern World. Saying "Oh you can come to my house sometime" will get a Dominican thinking every which way...and they will show up...maybe with cousins in tow...

HB

HB, you don't need to be psychologically educated to get to the root of it. I don't think it's a 'psychological' thing - I think it's more that many of these guys are accustomed to objectifying women, so it's more a 'sociological' thing - the power issue. Plus their fathers & grandfathers did it, they have internalised the model as 'the norm'. With some, it's just plain arrogance of course

. Many men here IMHO just aren't as liberated as men in Europe or the US.........yet. They will get there, in time. I mean look at the assumptions around in US & UK when you & I were growing up. It took a strong women's movement to blow all that silliness for all to see. The women's movement here has certainly started, but it has other pressing issues to deal with. These attitudes will change, in time.

Squat · #9 08-05-2009, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaineGirl

Am I that naive and dumb???

Not dumb, definitely

But naive, well, maybe... You shouldn't open your door to single male...

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaineGirl

Is this classic Dominican male behavior?

Yes !!!

Alyonka · #10 08-05-2009, 09:21 AM

Read books by Junot Diaz, MaineGirl. I learned a lot from those about how these people think. A lot of them think they still live in the 18th century.