please help a Canadian marrying a Dominican

[AlterEgo]

Originally Posted by Chip

I understand your husband didn't work in a resort or other tourist enterprise, correct?

His first job out of school was at the Hispaniola Hotel, he was a lifeguard there for several years - that's where he learned to speak English, from the tourists. (I can only imagine) Then he was trained as a casino dealer and worked at the El Embajador Casino and later at the Mauna Loa Night Club & Casino.

I don't think there were any AIs back then, most of the north and east coasts were undeveloped - we drove to POP and Sosua around '78 and there was nothing, except beautiful unspoiled beaches.

So all of his jobs exposed him to tourists. Including the past 30+ years in Atlantic City.

[las2137]

Originally Posted by tamara032080

I have a 7 year old son and a pretty good job so that was not practical for me. He has decided that he would come to Canada if that is what I want so that we can be together. He has never asked me for anything and I made it clear from the begining that I would not give him money or stuff. I have only sent him 1 present for his birthday in July and nothing else. I made it clear, if he wanted to be with me it was not for money. I'm not rich and I have made that clear to him and I think he knows that because I can not afford to go back to see him again until January.

I'm not sure how the process works in Canada, but in the US in order to bring a fiance or spouse over, you DO have to be able to support the person financially while the stauts is being legalized and are responsbile for that person.

You mentioned that you are a mother. I'm not a mother so I can't fully understand your position, but I would ask myself the following:

-Can I financially support another person on my salary?
- Is this guy worth taking resources away from my child and giving to him instead? Not just financial, but also emotional?

Have you been around this guy with your son or did you meet this guy on solo trips? I think that is something to consider, since he will be living in your house with you and around your child 100%.

I understand that January is a long time away. But it could be worth the wait, either to marry the love of your life or discover that you dodged a bullet.

Good luck.

[Malibook]

Originally Posted by AnnaC

What is the rush?

Life is short and Canadian winters can be very cold.

[Hillbilly]

Just a few observations:
You do not even know how to call this place: It is the Dominican REPUBLIC. There is no such thing as "Dominican", like there is no such thing as "beautiful" or "United" ...these are adjectives and need to have a noun. Your Dominican is a sankie, that is his profession and you a re his way out of here.

You have to read this, like it or not.

Another victim

this is just one of hundreds of these things we have been through.

Also go and look up Hillbilly's Three Golden Rules for dating a Dominican

For God's Sake, go slow. You are being played by an expert, and you are just one of five or six women that he has on a string in order to get a visa and get out of here.

Sorry gal, but that is the way it is...

HB

[AZB]

These women must be uglier than my brother-in-law to be willing to settle down with servent-class men. Men with no education, poor as dirt and working as a labor. Would the same woman settle for a mexican dishwasher in a local restaurant in their home town? A truck driver for the sanitation department? No, they set high standards for canadian men but as soon as they land here, they find the first sankie/servant and plan of having kids with him. I think these people are coming from either shattered families or so alone in life that they would even get married with a cave man from the stone ages.
AZB

[El_Uruguayo]

I resent that! Cavemen can be classy!

[Matilda]

Tamara. For every disaster there is a success story. There are many Dominicans who have great marriages with foreign women. There are also many who have taken their women for every penny they have and then left them. Only you can tell which one yours is. Just because he is poor doesn't mean he is bad. My husband was poor when I met him and now is much richer than I would ever be. Sometimes in this country, intelligent and hardworking men do not get the opportunity to study and work than they would in your country. One of the most successful European business women in this country is married to a Dominican man who worked in a hotel. They are amazing together and have built up a fantastic business. Circus of Dreams is an incredible business. If she had listened to this forum they would never be together. Move slowly and all the best to you!!!

matilda

[sangria]

i agree matilda.

also remember to keep your child as your first priority while you figure things out.

ultimately that is what should be the most important thing.

[Berzin]

Why would you date someone so beneath you economically and then expect him not to ask for money?

Why is this is a parameter to gauge his sincerity? If it is, how about dating a Dominican of means?

I know people say that a proud Dominican would never ask for money regardless of how bad they are doing, but you're dating someone whose economic existence is precarious at best. Who else is he going to ask?

Has it ever occurred to you the pressure he is under to get to North America? You don't, because you've never met his family. Once you see how they live, you'll get a better idea as to why this man will tell you whatever you want to hear to get to Canada.

For a poor Dominican, a visa will open doors for them and their whole family. You need to realize that some put the needs of their family first, to the detriment of their foreign spouses.

Please do as much research as you can-you have been given some very informative links-because from the sound of it you may not know what is awaiting you. If you think that blind luck will guide you, it will-all the way to the poor house.

[tamara032080]

Well so far I would like to thank everyone for thier advice. Even if some of it was mean...and no I'm not ugly or deformed, uneducated, desperate anything else.. I have been single and only dating for about 21/2 years by choice and nothing more. I do have a wonderful 7 year old son and he comes before anything else and always will so no worries there...We are not the typical sankie old man or women dating a young man or women situation we are only a couple of years apart.....I have to say that I have nothing but good feelings about him 100%. He seems like a great guy and several of my friends and family that have been introduced and spent time with him agree with me...I have been introduced to the Sankie element and I have seen how they work for the most part....Having said that I still like to hear other thoughts because it is a big step..Just like marrying anyone....I believe fully that you don't control who you fall in love with and no if I had my choice it probably wouldn't have been with someone from another country and economic class but it was. Like I said I love the advice and I really do listen to all of it and I will look at the links that have been provided. We would probably be getting married sooner but we have agreed to hold off for a bit so I have some more time to prepare for what I hope fingers crossed is a fabulous future, but I guess only time will tell for sure.