please help a Canadian marrying a Dominican

[Adrian Bye]

This is a great post -- we don't see too many of these, and its very nice to hear.. Congrats on everything working out!!

Originally Posted by AlterEgo

Sometimes it works out. When I think back to myself, I sometimes marvel at how dumb I was, and how absolutely lucky I was. I totally should have been one of the disaster stories here, because I married a virtual stranger - but it just felt 'right'.

I met my Dominican husband in November 1975, introduced by a girlfriend I was traveling with who knew him from an earlier trip. When I went home I thought he was such a nice guy, but that was about it. My girlfriend went back for Christmas to see her boyfriend and when my husband saw her, he told her he was going to marry me. When she told me, I thought he was nuts. He started writing letters, occasional phone calls. My feelings confused me, so my cousin and I went back on a 'surprise' visit for 2 weeks in July '76 to find out from his mother that he had just left for a casino job on a cruise ship out of Miami, where he was now living. (when I got home my neighbor told me his letter telling me that arrived the day I left). His mother had told him to forget about me, that I was too far away, that I'd probably never come back; when she learned I was there, she sent her other 4 sons to the hotel to meet me and tell me where he was. None of them spoke English, so one brought his wife who spoke English (When they showed up, my first thought was that they were there to tell me he was married and she was the wife). Long story short, my cousin and I were on a plane to Port-au-Prince the next day to meet the ship. I flew back there the next week too. He came to NY to meet my parents in September, and we got married that December, 1976. It'll be 33 years in a few months, and I don't regret a day of it.

Now, knowing what I know today, if my daughter wanted to marry someone she had spent only days with, I'd lock her up and throw away the key. It's easy to see when someone else is making a mistake - or you THINK they are. When you're the person who's involved, it's much harder to think clearly. Was I just lucky? Maybe. In my case he was from a middle class family, went to college for awhile, had 4 years casino experience, spoke English, and they had just approved casinos in NJ so I knew he'd be able to get a job. We still live near Atlantic City, and he's coming up on retirement in a few years, and our plan is to retire to Santo Domingo. Full circle completed.

My parents met and married within 6 months, and they were devoted to each other for 57 years. I think it's the luck of the draw..... and maybe the different era?

Tread carefully, eyes wide open, brain in gear, but tread ahead.

[Sweetkiwi]

Hi Tamara,

(my name is Tamara too) I will tell you my story and I hope it helps a little bit, although there are some differences. I met my husband last year while I was living in St. Lucia (where I was born) and he was working there in construction. He was staying in a hotel across the street from my aunt's house where I was living. When we met he thought I lived in St. Lucia (permanently). Long story short we fell in love, but I had already decided to move back to Canada because I wanted to pay off my student loans. We made plans to meet back in a year but after being separated we quickly realized that we couldn't wait that long to be together. We just got married in January and applied for PR in July. I have never worried that he is a sanky. He is a devout Christian, and his family is atypical in that it's not very close. He's excited to be a part of my large, close family (he's talked to members of my family on video calls and met some of my St. Lucian family). His dominican family would really be his best friend and his family who are all Christians. He is closer to them than to his own. I've met his mother and his sisters and he's the youngest at 34. He would do anything for me! He spent every last dime of his that he'd saved from his time in SLU (St. Lucia) on our wedding, my plane ticket and my time there- I didn't pay a dime. He sent me money before when I couldn't find work quickly.

Now, the situation is reversed and he's having a hard time finding work in DR and I have a great job now and send him money. He's living now with my best friend and her fiance (who is his friend and yes we introduced them).

I understand the doubts of people, and I guess maybe people will say that my husband could be a sanky (he's never worked with tourists, always in construction or in Karate- he's a black belt). I guess it is possible that he's a liar waiting for the PR to go through but I don't believe so. I just returned from a 2 week visit with him and at the end of it we were both sobbing in each others arms from sadness. I trust him and he is my best friend.

My concern with you is about your child. You should at least try to let them get to know each other before you marry. That's a huge change for a child! I wish you the best of luck though.

[mountainannie]

Don't mind AZB, he comes from a very foreign country and does not understand American or Canadian or European Women. Simply disregard his posts. We do this because we have learned that it is against the law to shoot him.

[AlterEgo]

Originally Posted by adrianb

This is a great post -- we don't see too many of these, and its very nice to hear.. Congrats on everything working out!!

Thank you adrianb. It's hard to put your life out there, but it brought back so many memories that made me smile. For example, when I first met him he pointed out his house when we passed it coming home from dinner one night. I've always had a great sense of direction, so after I came from the PanAm office in SD that morning I remembered where it was - and asked the taxi driver to stop there. I introduced myself to his mother [through the taxi driver!], told her I was going to Haiti in the morning, and asked her if she wanted to send anything to her son. She was very happy, and quickly sat down to write him a letter. Later I found out that was a big no-no, my going to his parents' home. At 27 he had never brought a girl into their home, because he said you only do that if you're going to marry the girl. Who knew?? In NY everyone came to everyone's house! Thankfully they forgave the dumb gringa

I wonder if that's still what's "done" there?

[bienamor]

Originally Posted by mountainannie

Don't mind AZB, he comes from a very foreign country and does not understand American or Canadian or European Women. Simply disregard his posts. We do this because we have learned that it is against the law to shoot him.

Are we sure on that point Annie. , even if we know a Coronel.

[laurajane]

Originally Posted by AZB

These women must be uglier than my brother-in-law to be willing to settle down with servent-class men. Men with no education, poor as dirt and working as a labor. Would the same woman settle for a mexican dishwasher in a local restaurant in their home town? A truck driver for the sanitation department? No, they set high standards for canadian men but as soon as they land here, they find the first sankie/servant and plan of having kids with him. I think these people are coming from either shattered families or so alone in life that they would even get married with a cave man from the stone ages.
AZB

So successful men all over the world have never married or dated a woman below them in class as a bit of arm candy????? Successful men constantly date either a blonde bimbo because they can. Its the same for us women we are bored of men who dont take care of themself, bald, overweight slobs and we want a bit of stuff!!! And that doesnt mean we are not the same, sexually liberated intelligent women want a bit of hot stuff too!! Look at my picture in the gallery and many others of the women involved with Dominican men and then tell me if you think if i was desperate in the U.K.

I can and never will understand how it is ok for the men to come looking for low class women as a bit of arm candy, but not ok for us girls?!?!?!?!?!? And dont talk about the women you date they are still beneath any woman from a developed country!!

And just because someone doesnt have the priviledge of going to university does not make them stupid!!!

Anyway totally off topic and this arguement will go on till the end of time me thinks!!

[badpiece33]

Originally Posted by Matilda

Tamara. For every disaster there is a success story.

matilda

Are you kidding me? For every 10-20 disasters possibly 1 success story.

[Malibook]

Originally Posted by Matilda

Tamara. For every disaster there is a success story.

I often feel that poor Dominican resort workers get a bum rap here and I would tend to agree with you, although the odds are probably not quite that of the general population.
However, if we are talking about the animation staff and bartenders, 50/50 is not even close to reality.

[jrhartley]

get out and date more men in Canada , I'm sure there must be one that would be an easier bet.Theres probably one living in your neighbourhood, now wouldnt that be easy.

[Malibook]

Originally Posted by laurajane

And dont talk about the women you date they are still beneath any woman from a developed country!!

How is that?