Thinking outloud

[dalila05]

i heard also that quite often that the money is to maintain the family !
my husband blame often the tourist to have brought this way of life.
well i personally blame both side!
also the atmosphere in those resort is about who is gonna make the most of it,money,gift,visa etc.
almost like a competition!
talking about my experience,my husband used to be called maricon before he met me ,because he was the shy boy who did not hang up with tourist,and then when he met me he was the "sanky",they were like,how much did she send you and why she doesnt bring you gift,well she probably rich as she coming every 2 months etc....
they were bragging constantly about how much they could get and how many girls were in love with them.
so i really believe that even someone with no bad intention can become greedy after all this year working in those areas.

[donP]

Originally Posted by Vacara

What is NA?

Originally Posted by Eddy

Probably North American but what about the other parts of the world?

Exactly.
That's why I thought it meant "non-attractive"...

donP

[catcherintherye]

Eddy and Don Don, NA, in my post, does indeed refer to "North American".

However, the intent and meaning of the abbreviation could easily be interchanged with "Not Attractive", "Not Approving", "Not Appetizing", "Not Aware", or a variety of other meaningful terms of endearment, and yes I should have included many other areas of the world, but 'North American' seemed to fit the bill, and might well serve as a stereotypical catch-phrase.

[dalila05]

Originally Posted by Pig

Thinking out loud. I think the women themselves are directly responible for Sankie trademark all hotel workers and tourist trap workers seem to have been given. I also think pressure from friends pushes them to try and have one over on the visiting women. If you've ever listened in on a conversation between them when they presume you don't understand the local slang, this is quite obvious, the boasting, the pi$$ take and the eggin on that goes on between them is quite hardcore.

If the women weren't open to being Sankied then it wouldn't exist, and so lets face it, they create thier own environment by allowing this to happen.

Exactly the same way as the men do, you don't really think these girls are attracted to men 30 and 40 years thier senior do you? It is an unspoken and often spoken agreement. You please me and I look after you.

Unfortunately they have become so good at what they are doing it is quite difficult to pick out the cream from the crap, men and women. The only way to avoid this is to stay away from the touristy areas, and try to see how the other side live. Those who do work for poor wages, but just get on with it, not those looking for an easy way out.

It has become such a big thing that it is actually tiring now, just to think for that second, is my partner having one over on me or is this real? You shouldn't be thinking like this if you think it is real, and so how real are our relationships with those Dominican natives, I hope mine is real, infact I'm sure it is, but it does cross my mind every now and then, 'do I have as much control of this as I think? or would I be saddened if I could see inside her mind.

It's a terrible way to have to live with this opinion of the people we choose to live amongst, can't say I understand it completely to be honest. Like any relationship, so much comes down to trust. If you listen to everyones negative opinions on this then you wouldn't even visit the country for a break, it seems to work like this. People who visit love the place and the people, people who live within it day in day out, have negative influence on everyone else, but they still decide to live amongst it. Something doesn't add up in that picture and I wonder just how much of it is real, and how much of it is selfish defending of what they have around them.
Just thinking aloud!!

pig your post is really good except that sometimes thoses womens who are attracted to sanky dont even realise what they are doing!
and i believe the majority of them believe that they are living a fairytale without thinking about the consequences of getting married and bringing the spouse back home.
because the 2/3 trips they doing per year is all about living in an all inclusive and seeing the best bits when is far from the reality of a proper relation.
think before you act and maybe you will see through.
no all of them are bad and vicious but a lot of them can be.

[dalila05]

just a reminder that not all the sanky are good looking!
quite often they short and badly dressed!
and no manners at all but so clever!
i would still think that a lot of womens really believe that they are bless to be with those type of mens.

[SKing]

I still believe that it depends on where and how you meet the person. I live in Santiago, and I am sure that there are sankies here but not in abundance like in the tourist areas.
I stated in another thread that real Dominican men are doing something for themselves, how you know that they are not a sankie is if you left them, they would still make it and achieve their goals (and most sankies don't have goals).
I am American and I am 34 years old, I am not beautiful but I am definitely not ugly. My boyfriend is Dominican, 26 years old (just turned 26) and from a campo.
So at first glance this will look like a sankie situation except for the fact that I am not filling some sort of void in his life. He attends UTESA (working toward an Engineering degree), works full-time, has a car, and pays his own bills.
He specifically put me in my place on our first date when I attempted to pay for my own food. I got an earful and a full in-depth definition of the difference between "Un Hombre y Un Vago".
Real Dominican men don't ask women for money
Real Dominican men have a LIFE...they are professionals, or on the track to becoming professionals
Real Dominican men don't NEED to be with you, they WANT to be with you
I was with a sankie, it's hard because they say what you want to hear but every woman I think has some intuition. I knew that something wasn't right. When I was with the sankie (3 whole months!), I would ask him did he want me to bring him something when I went to NY to work....and wow! did he ever!
I went to NY to work during my first month with my boyfriend and when I spoke to him, I wanted to see what he would say and I asked him "Do you want me to bring you back something from New York?"
And his reply was "Just you, Mami, just you"
And there you have it.
SHALENA

[dalila05]

and can i add that a proper dominican man would be dead ashamed to ask for money,when sankies just enjoy the thrill to ask and to get!!

[GKLSY]

Wow, it's sad to think that the only quality people think a tourist could possibly value in a Dominicano is their sexual performance. What about their sense of humor, their lust for life, their animated ways of expressing themselves? These are all qualities in Dominicanos that some women find more enjoyable than the reserved, self-conscious men they may chose to leave behind when they vacation. I admit it, I do pay for drinks for some men in the Dominican Republic, I also buy some women food and bring things for their babies (I'm not gay), and I bring clothes, shoes, and books for a little shoeshine boy I've watched grow up (I'm not a pedafile). Would I do the same in my home country? Absolutely! The need just presents itself much less often. I dread the day that I become so afraid of getting "used" that I build a wall around myself because walls keep everyone away, the good as well as the bad.

[AlterEgo]

I've mentioned before that I deal with many Dominicans in my business [wholesale salon hair products]. Yesterday a new salon owner came in, a Dominican woman born in SDQ and now living here near AC. We got to talking about hair types and straightening treatments, and one thing led to another and I mentioned my daughter has hair that is a little wavy like mine but thick like her Dominican father's. She drew herself up straight and questioned me immediately "You are married to a Dominican?" I told her "Yes, almost 33 years". And she instantly responded that she was amazed, that I must have found one of the few good ones, because "Dominican men are lousy husbands, they like to go out and party, they like to drink, and most of all they like to run around with lots of women." Then she went on to add that every time she hears about someone who met a Dominican on vacation in DR she just KNOWS that they are after a visa and will dump the girl as soon as they get here. She barely took a breath during all of it. I think I blinked a few times before I answered her. And I think I laughed before I spoke.

Turns out that her husband is Dominican too....and we agreed we managed to find two good ones. They are out there - someplace. Not in the tourist arenas. And some Dominican women have problems with their Dominican husbands too, because of the male lifestyle in DR.

Those 'good Dominican men' stories aren't very interesting. We lead normal, everyday, sometimes boring lives. We have our occasional 'Ricky Ricardo' moments when our kids say "Oh DAD!"

It's the OTHER stories that rivet us all - it's like watching a train wreck and not being able to look away.

AE

[GKLSY]

"...we managed to find two good ones. They are out there - someplace. Not in the tourist arenas. "

I'm just wondering how one would avoid being written off as a no good person if their family's home is in a tourist area, and was probably there before the area became a tourist area. Were they supposed to move when the resorts started going up? If not, were they supposed to stop living, going out, going to the beach, when the tourists took over? Personally, I am stubborn and would have stood my ground with the attitude "I was here first." That being said, I am certaint that although I would not have changed, the perception of me would have. I totally agree that there are opportunists who flock to the areas (tourist areas) where opportunities abound, but each person is an individual and I think it's the responsibility of the tourist to apply the same self preservation measures there as they would at home. People who get taken for a ride in the DR are probably the same people who get taken for a ride wherever they are.