What sets apart a good Dominican man from a Sankie?

[AZB]

A.J is right on the money.
The problem with foreigners living in resort areas is that they have nothing better to compare to. They always compare their boyfriend to a lowlife sankie or a jobless street swindler. They are always comparing the poorest of the poorest with each other. They don't know a single dominican guy who owns a late model car, dresses well in business atire or has more education than they do. They always end up with a guy who is much more poorer than they are, lives in a ghetto, works in a hotel (service area) and always in financial trouble. They compare this guy to their ex-dom boyfriend a motoconcho or a sankie dancer from animation team of a hotel and say, "he is not like him....".
Why is it when you are on a vacation you never see those animation guys dancing or dating a true decent dominicana? Why is it that they can't even come close to talking to a decent girl from santiago or from santo domingo? that is because they know that they are 100% dominican trash and no real dominican girl would even consider talking to them anywhere. These guys always find foreign women who enjoy their company and buy into their cheap BS talk.
I have never seen a dominican woman picking up tab for her boyfriend in a real dominican restaurant going on a real date. This is always understood that men pay for everything. It would be embarassing to have a woman pay the bill. Even the waiter will look at you differently. But in northcoast, the waiters know they are in a game, they simply bring the bill to the foreigner, male or female. Most northcoast people who seek foreigners are "sin verguenza" (shameless). Most santiagueros from better class would only go to north coast for beach and not talk to anyone there. You will not see a beautiful decent domincian educated girl from santiago hand in hand with a beach gorilla in sosua. Never! mark my words. Please do not confuse a white santiaguera ghetto puta (hookers) with a decent PUCMM university girl. They are a world apart.
AZB

[sunshine_79]

Originally Posted by AZB

I have never seen a dominican woman picking up tab for her boyfriend in a real dominican restaurant going on a real date. This is always understood that men pay for everything. It would be embarassing to have a woman pay the bill. Even the waiter will look at you differently. But in northcoast, the waiters know they are in a game, they simply bring the bill to the foreigner, male or female. AZB

Once again, you are absolutely right AZB

[planner]

As a foreign female, single , dating and living here I will put in my 2 pesos worth! As AZB indicated in his post it is very difficult for foreign women to meet and be taken seriously by Dominican men of similar circumstances.

I am "middle aged", but won't actually admit to it. I really am interested in a relationship with a man of similar age and circumstances but here is reality.

1. They automatically assume that all foreign women are exactly the same, we are after young hot black men.

2. Most of the men close to my age are already married or in a relationship. Unless you are willing to be the other woman, the pool of availability is very very small.

3. Very few men in the are I live in would meet the criteria of income, education etc to match with me.

4. Many many men are insecure here. I understand culturally where that comes from but that does not mean I will tolerate certain types of behaviour! I am independent and will stay that way.

5. Many are looking for that "trophy" for their arm. And there are many stunning women, educated and cultured to choose from!

Some may consider me a trophy but that really isn't my thing...... LOL

I dated a very poor, hard working Dominican man for 4 months. He treated me very well but within his means.

I dated 2 different "higher class" professional Dominican men. One lied to me about being married, when I discovered the truth he was done. The second one, while we were not in a long term relationship, decided it was okay to sleep with a friend of mine. You can imagine how quick that ended.

Currently I am dating a younger man, not as well educated (very few are) with a strong work ethic and he treats me well. Is it long term? Most likely not!

For a long term relationship to work you have to have emotional, intellectual and financial equalities! That is really tough to find here.

As for dating a foreign man, well most of them are not looking to also date a foreign lady!

What sets a decent guy apart from a Sankie??? In my mind it is intent and then actions. A Sankie and a Sankiette are out to extort, defraud, manipulate etc a "relationship" to get their own needs met, whatever they are!

A decent guy or woman will not use such skankie actions or motivations! Of course no one is ever pure in a long term relationship but these people are nasty from the word go. You just don't think they are.

Years ago I dated a resort worker, never again! I can say I have met exactly two that I thought were decent people. By resort workers I am referring to animators for the most part.

[sunshine_79]

Originally Posted by planner

Currently I am dating a younger man, not as well educated (very few are) with a strong work ethic and he treats me well. Is it long term? Most likely not!

Yeah ... but can he dance?

All good points, as usual.

[A.J.]

One thing I think some people misinterpret here is that when talking about a respeatcble dominican man that we must only be referring to a well off man. This is not true, there are plenty of respectable dominican men who are not rich, but at the end of the day if they want to take a woman out they will pay for everything.

As noted above:
Rich does not always equal respectable.
Poor does not always equal sanky.

[planner]

Originally Posted by sunshine_79

Yeah ... but can he dance?

All good points, as usual.

Of course, one of my basic rules for dating. Can he dance???

[AnnaC]

Originally Posted by A.J.

One thing I think some people misinterpret here is that when talking about a respeatcble dominican man that we must only be referring to a well off man. This is not true, there are plenty of respectable dominican men who are not rich, but at the end of the day if they want to take a woman out they will pay for everything.

As noted above:
Rich does not always equal respectable.
Poor does not always equal sanky.

Thank you A.J
I was going to write something about that as I read the posts so I'm glad you added that.

[THE GAME]

Originally Posted by AZB

It doesn't take a MIT degree to see what is coming to you when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.
It’s all too simple and there is no thinking involved. Stay among the people of your same caliber and you would have eliminated 90% of your problems.
Example, I am a middle income professional male living in a nice residential area in Santiago. I had never mingled with people of projects in USA nor thugs from streets especially jobless street swindlers. So there is no reason why I should mingle with the same class here.
Now why a girl who is from a middle class family from usa, canada or europe with some college education and decent manners would find something so intriguing about a guy who makes 100-150 dollars / month, no car, lives with parents and with 2nd grade level education? If finding a black man in your first priority then I suggest you find one with education and money, not to mention pride and class. Please don't settle for the first person you meet in hotel.
Now if you find a man who is equally educated as you, with similar income as you, coming from a decent family then your chances of meeting disaster in your relationship is minimum.
Now if you simply get out of the resort area, you will definitely find decent guys with good jobs. My Dominican friends are not from elite class but they are better off than me. They own houses, have good jobs or businesses, travel and are educated in good universities. So in essence, I am not a big fish in a small pond. I am just like them so there is no need to be impressed from anyone. We are the same so we get along just fine. They never ask me for money; neither do I. Often times they pay for me even when we have to fight over the bill. I mean, a Dominican guy will pick up a tab of everyone on the table; something foreigner would not see this done in coastal area. These guys are proud Dominicans who are from proud families. No they are not few in numbers. If you only stay with the same level of folks, you would begin to only see these people and not the poor masses you see in ghettos. I often think all dominicans are living here like in USA. That’s because I don't go to ghettos, just like I never did in USA. So why should I change my lifestyle here?
Now when it comes to relationships it’s difficult for foreign women to attract a decent professional class Dominican. First of all the requirements are very strict. Dominicans from better class have no need to look for foreign women for money or for visa, they have it all. So naturally when they seek a relationship, they want the premium what life has to offer. In simple terms, they want the top notch beauties. There are plenty of beautiful girls who could compete for miss universe title. These girls are also from good families, drive cars, slim, straight long hair and speak with class. They are simply charming and elegant, not to mention, young. Foreign women don't come close to matching their class. These girls have money and visa, all they want is a decent elegant Dominican guy. Foreigners have no value among them. They think of foreign women coming to DR to sleep with black men, and men to sleep with hookers. This is what they see when they vacation in resort hotels and this is what they believe. So no decent dominican rich guy wants a 30 plus yrs old out of shape, freckled faced gringa. Sorry for using the harsh words but that is the truth. The cute gringas are so often seen with cheap dominican servent class workers that these guys are embarrassed to be seen with them. Besides a foreign woman doesn't put up well with dominican male machismo, so relationships soon fall apart. Decent dominicans only prefer to marry their own kind. This is the bitter truth.
Now my friend (no names here) met a girl from Switzerland. A cute young girl with a decent job in her country. They had a date or 2 but then she had to leave. My friend soon invited her, paid her ticket and took her to punta cana for a week. He paid for everything and when she left, he went back to his life. Now he is married to a beautiful dominican girl. yes, folks, there are dominican guys in great numbers who will treat you like a princess and pay for everything but you will not find them in hotels, especially not as workers.
Good luck.
AZB

interesting facts here.... true that many or a lot DR females are more
beautiful and posses class and not looking for a foreigner to have relationships b/c they can date dr men w/i their own class.

foreign women are just naive about dr culture and about dr men/women;
they go to dr to relax in resorts,,, that's all they know.. that dr is an island
with nice weather and nice, friendly people... but boy oh boy if they knew
how dr sankie guys are or how sleek women are they would not get involve
in relatioships with them.

i can see how you (AZB) would only associate yourself with people
of your class, of your beliefs. You've said that in usa you also would mingle and go out w/people of your caliber. Since you never 'hanged' with thugs, ghettos from projects i can understand how you would feel strange to be
around "poor" tigueres or tigueras (hookers). There might be a lot of dominicans with class, with money... but it's not the majority. DR is a poor 3rd world country, backed by tourism.... so the majority of people are not
with "class" and don't have a lot of money. True, many of them are bad blood and are not decent, liars, machistas, and so forth... but i think majority of dr people are humble, poor friendly people. And racism do exist in dr among themselves.... so that's why a rich girl/guy would look down on a poor girl from a pueblo.


going back to sankies and foreigners... as i said earlier, if foreigners knew
more the dr culture and how dominicans think/act then the sankie population would be less. You really have to a savvy foreigner (and know the culture) or a latino to sort-of-know dominican culture..... if not, you'll just be trapped with lies, lies, and more lies, and you'll end up hurt.

[THE GAME]

Originally Posted by Fred

I agree during dating that the man should pay for dinner etc. However, once a relationship progresses, ie: living together or marriage, why should the woman not pay her share?


With the cost of living in the DR and abroad, no one can get by on only one income, unless that person is an exceptional earner. Therefore, women should help out with some of the bills.

agree...in dr or anywhere... first few dates the man should pay.... after
5th date the woman should offer to pay... perhaps the movies, the guy
the dinner.... when in relationship (boyf/girlf or in marriage) the woman
can also pay for dinner. This is the 21st Century!! we're not in old days
where man should always pay for everything. It feels good when a woman
offers to pay for stuff or pays for stuff.

[suarezn]

IMO pretty much everything has been said about the differences between a "good" man and a Sankie. To me the main thing is the money thing. That should be your first clue. No self-respecting Dominican guy would let a woman pay for anything and would never ask for anything.

The fact that the guy would cheat with another woman is really not a difference between a sankie and non-sankie. As we all know 99% of Dominicans will have relationships on the side at one time or another...

Now, I guess I would be considered one of the "good" Dominican men. I'm a Dominican who married a foreigner (American). Completely sankified her...Just kidding!!!

The difference was that when we met we were both going to the same college here in The US, I spoke as much English as she did, we both hold degrees from that college and in the end I guess I'm the one who's the sugar daddy as I'm the one making the big bucks...

I've never let any woman pay for antyhing if we went out and would never ask any woman for anything in my life.

I would agree with AZB but only to a certain extent. My experience is a little bit different...I grew up poor in The DR, so I have no qualms about associating with poor people. As a matter of fact I prefer it, as a lot of "rich" people that I've met in The DR are just posers and show offs. Now, when I mean poor, I mean poor but with class.

The people I associate with, even if they are poor do not ask me for anything and if I give them something will accept it, but are usually mortified that they cannot give as much in return. Some people tend to associate being poor with being a chopo, sankie, or whatever and viceversa. Not true at all.

I would not have a problem going out with a poor girl as long as she has class, ambitions, etc...

In terms of the sankie issue I'm kind of torn here. On the one hand I think it is despicable that these guys take these girls for a ride, but on the other I think "OK so she spent a few hundred bucks on this guy, but she had tons of fun and probably the best sex she's ever had. Where's the harm in that?" So I have mixed feelings about this.

Sorry to ramble on...