Serious replies ONLY - Page 2

chillindr · #11 03-21-2007, 12:00 AM

Chip thanks so very much for your insight on this. We truly appreciate it. She asked him the first night if he was after a visa. Also she has told me that he might just be interested in getting to the states so he can dance here. He is a very good dancer. You gave me a lot more insight then a most of the other posts on sankies and that is what I was looking for - a serious reply.

Again thanks for you input...exactly what I wanted. I am showing her your post now.

chillindr · #12 03-21-2007, 12:04 AM

Anna,
No, I am sorry if I confused you...her college educated friend was called a sanky by his friends....

From all I have read I can not label this guy a sanky as he has not done any of the things listed in your sanky articles. We are just trying to be cautious.

And thanks for the clarification on the other article.

jrzyguy · #13 03-21-2007, 09:56 AM

Great post chip!

I have a suggestion. If you folks are planning a return visit to the DR...why not stay a few day in SD rather than PC. I can totaly understand someone wanting to show you the real life in SD and the DR rather than what you see in a resort area. I have travelled all around the south coast...usualy with dominicans (not just from boca chica...but from SD and other small towns).

So.....if you believe he is sincere. I'd say fly to sdq and stay in the capital rather than in P.C. and meet him there. If you still want the beach you can travel to either boca chica or juan dolio.

Your daughter is 21...and no doubt probably quite attractive. So the guy might just want to be with her. Dispite all the sankies that prey on tourists...there ARE local people that i have made long lasting friendships with (on my last trip i didnt have to buy dinner once! my friend (who i have known for 5 years) came over and cooked every night for me...never asked for money...but i would insist that he take a little for supplies and gas money). He also showed me some really great spots that i would have never found on my own, even with a good travel book.

Who knows...you've read all the sankie forums....so you know what to look out for.

DavidZ · #14 03-21-2007, 10:12 AM

I'll add something... taking it out of the sankie/non-sankie question. If she's not interested in him as a boyfriend, then why pursue it beyond someone to hang out with while at the resort? If she...or you as a family, want to see Santo Domingo, go there as a family...if he wants to meet you for a day and show you around, great, if not, you can see quite a bit of "real Dominican life" on your own. If she's looking for friends in the DR, Im sure there are plenty of girls around her age she could befriend. If he wants to take you to the barrio where he grew up (if he grew up in a barrio, maybe he's from one of the nicer neighborhoods), while it may be interesting to see that side of life here, it's not one of those "must see" things to do in the DR. The capital though, is a must see, IMO...it's a great city with incredible history... but the barrios are, well.. the barrios...

Whether in the DR or anywhere else, I'd be suspicious of a 24 year old guy wanting to be "just friends" with a 21 year old girl...

chillindr · #15 03-21-2007, 10:25 AM

Thanks jrzyguy.

I appreciate your reply as well and your suggestions. We have talked about flying to SD and he could meet us there. And as I have said she has another friend there who would also be with us just as a safe guard.

DavidZ

She did try to talk to some of the girls at the resort however, no luck. She did meet someone from the states that is now living in Punta Cana and will be working at a new resort there. They are communicating through email.

As far as going to SD, he was the one that suggested that if she wants to know more about the DR that it would be a wonderful place to see and that he would be glad to show her since he grew up there. He talked about a lot of different places to see. She has not agreed to go there with him and we have talked about staying at the resort this time and the next time we visit going to SD. He is not insisting that we go with him there and in fact he does not live in Punta Cana but La Romana (?) so it would be out of his way to even come to get us to take us there. I think they had discussed meeting there to so he could show us around. He seems very proud of where he grew up and wants to share more about the culture. It could all be a ploy but I don't know. We are taking it slow and not making a decision just yet.

I understand what you are saying about being suspicious, however, right now she has several guy friends that are between 22 and 24 that she is just good friends with.

Thanks to both of you for your posts.

planner · #16 03-21-2007, 10:37 AM

I have been here long enough and seen enough to tell you this:

99.5% of the dancers and animation workers are sankies.

Rarely if EVER does a dominican want to be "friends" with a foreigner from a resort! It can be very different when you live here but I am specifically referring to tourists.

Rarely if EVER does a Dominican man want to be "friends" with a woman.

Rarely if EVER does a Dominican woman want to be friends with a foreign woman here on vacation. This MAY happen after repeated trips but it is rare.

No matter what he tells you and how he answers your questions only time will tell the truth. Do you actually think he is going to say - Oh yes I am after a VISA to the U.S. Hello, he will tell you what he thinks you want to hear.

laurapasinifan · #17 03-21-2007, 10:38 AM

First I would say there is little chance of DANGER. Even if he was a sanky, he isnt out for blood, just an angle to get money.....and they cant do that with anger or force... they do it sweet talking...

second..I can understand the line of questioning about our thoughts as many here have seem so many situations like this come across the board.

But what i cant understand is your desire to pursue this guy...why as a parent would you help along a long distance relationship with a worker at a resort for your daughter?

if the same situation happened on spring break in fla, with a life guard. ( a seamingly better situation for many reasons) would you be as open with your daughters future?

As a parent i really think you should suggest, better for your daughter...and if push comes to shove...maybe START to accept HER choice of this kid.....all the while telling her the POSSIBLE pitfalls of such a relationship.

from all that you have told us, there is NOTHING that even comes close to RULING him OUT as a sankie.....all the possibilies are still there....

everything he has done a good sankie would have done as well...

Your enthusiasm may have fueled his desire...and gave him a big boost in confidence......

with you in tow...he can take it slow, and wait it out...for his POSSIBLE big rewards...

IF he was a sankie...he has laid the ground work very well...gave you the sad part about not being able to work.."sick"...then asked for nothing.....so later when he is sick again....it is not big surprise.

this is all conjecture for sure....but it hasnt strayed very far from the classic sanky line.

so be careful..

but know that it is POSSIBLE he may break the mold that others have cast...

I would personally put my money on the fact that he isnt on the level...thats just playing the odds

good luck

bob

DavidZ · #18 03-21-2007, 10:59 AM

Unfortunately, Planner and Bob are right on the money...since you've read through many of the Sankie stories, you should see that his actions aren't far from the norm, if fact it fits the SOP... it seems they believe the longer they wait to "make a move" for sex or money, the larger the payoff, and in your unique situation, a supportive and friendly family with a daughter who apparently has a "thing" for Dominican guys (the two baseball players ex-boyfriends), he's likely salivating at the prospects for "cashing in" he's dreaming up. While I hate to paint a group of people with the same broad brush, the reputation and myriad similar stories of Animation workers makes it almost impossible not to.

chillindr · #19 03-21-2007, 11:57 AM

Thanks...this is the type of information we are looking for. My daughter is leary of his intentions and thus that is why we have looked into all of this further. She has enjoyed talking to him and having him tell her about the DR. What he has told her comes from a different prespective then what her other friends have told her.

She does not want to get involved with this guy romantically. She has no desire to have a long distance relationship with him. She has told him up front that it won't happen. She has only one ex boyfriend that was Dominican and a ball player. She is currently talking to another guy, however, he is not Dominican.

She is well aware that he could be stringing her along, trying to be a friend and then will make a move later. This guy is not what you would call good looking. He is short and very thin. Not her type at all so she is not physically attracted to him. She is not into long distance relationships (him in one country and her in another - never seeing each other). So I am truly not worried about that happening. I was more concerned about if these guys are dangerous as in physical danger if he should decide to try to force an issue when he sees her again. She is old enough to make her own decisions on friends however, she also respects my thoughts on people she meets. I am not encouraging her to be in a relationship with him. She has a good head on her shoulders and so far it has served her well.

I appreciate all your posts and she and I will talk more. I am thinking she will probaly let the phone calls die away (not be available to talk to him) and she won't let him know when we are coming (she has not told him any dates or anything).

Thanks again for allthe honest serious posts.

DavidZ · #20 03-21-2007, 12:05 PM

If your main concern is physical danger, as long as she doesn't put herself in a dangerous situation...i.e. alone with him and a group of "friends" in a less than public place, I really dont think you have anything to worry about...the main concern would be her falling for him, then believing his stories, and getting hurt emotionally or monetarilly...and that doesnt seem to be an isuue here...